i"m not a fan of "saying hi to everyone", i might be almost guaranteed success, but it also makes you look like an idiot.
Girls who broke your heart thread
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Yea people"s advice is always "just go change into Mr. Friendly and problem solved!"
Guess what, people asking for advice about how to approach strangers aren"t the kind of people that can or SHOULD go up to strangers without looking super weird. There are guys like that, that can approach any group and make a best friend and be natural at it, but they are rare and you can"t become that guy.
Figure out what area you"re most comfortable in and exploit that. Confidence is situation-dependent. For example, when I have a legit excuse to talk to a girl (e.g. they are in the same hiking group on a weekend trip, or is a friend of a friend), my confidence is supreme and my game is A+. But I can"t approach a stranger for the life of me because, due to the fact that I have no honest excuse to talk to them, I feel like they know whatever I say is full of shit, and that wrecks my confidence.
For another example, I got in a 30 min heated yelling argument with my boss one day and ended up just leaving the meeting, then at night when to a language class, told a joke where everyone laughed and my face went beat red. Why the fuck does my face go beat red like a 12 year old when ANY attention is on me in language class? Who knows, but I know I"m not getting laid there, yet I"m very dominant at my work place.
Confidence is situation-dependent. Figure out where you are naturally most confident and work on that area. Obviously if you have poor social skills, you should chit chat with as many people as possible (that you have a reason to talk to) to work on that. But this "oh just change into a social guy and the problem is gone!" advice is retarded.
Guess what, people asking for advice about how to approach strangers aren"t the kind of people that can or SHOULD go up to strangers without looking super weird. There are guys like that, that can approach any group and make a best friend and be natural at it, but they are rare and you can"t become that guy.
Figure out what area you"re most comfortable in and exploit that. Confidence is situation-dependent. For example, when I have a legit excuse to talk to a girl (e.g. they are in the same hiking group on a weekend trip, or is a friend of a friend), my confidence is supreme and my game is A+. But I can"t approach a stranger for the life of me because, due to the fact that I have no honest excuse to talk to them, I feel like they know whatever I say is full of shit, and that wrecks my confidence.
For another example, I got in a 30 min heated yelling argument with my boss one day and ended up just leaving the meeting, then at night when to a language class, told a joke where everyone laughed and my face went beat red. Why the fuck does my face go beat red like a 12 year old when ANY attention is on me in language class? Who knows, but I know I"m not getting laid there, yet I"m very dominant at my work place.
Confidence is situation-dependent. Figure out where you are naturally most confident and work on that area. Obviously if you have poor social skills, you should chit chat with as many people as possible (that you have a reason to talk to) to work on that. But this "oh just change into a social guy and the problem is gone!" advice is retarded.
Seananigans
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Yeah, or maybe you can just put on a genuine smile, say "Hi, how are you doing? *smile*!), and go from there. If you think that makes you look like a weirdo, then you have more social issues to get over than just shyness.
(Chicks respond to smiles)
(Chicks respond to smiles)
He wasn"t suggesting that you say hi to everyone to meet the girl of your dreams at the mall, he was suggesting it as an exercise to get over shyness.
I think I"d suggest striking up conversation with a few strangers rather than saying "hi" to everyone but it"s good advice overall.
I think I"d suggest striking up conversation with a few strangers rather than saying "hi" to everyone but it"s good advice overall.
i"d recommend practicing eye contact and smiling. that surely won"t ever get you into any trouble. and if she smiles back you already got a reason to say hi.
at some point you will just know by their reaction if they want to talk to you or avoid you.
at some point you will just know by their reaction if they want to talk to you or avoid you.
If that were true, all the guys I watch start conversations with random girls at bus stops, during smokes outside stores/work, and at the bar must seriously be immune to that shit. Going around saying Hi to everyone would be super fucking creepy, but saying hello to a girl smoking a cigarette (better yet, offer to buy one from her. easy opening to a conversation.) or waiting at the bus stop (ask her if the bus has come yet, what time it normally comes at, etc. and go from there) isn"t.Tenks said:
Seananigans
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This is incredibly hard. Speaking for myself , I am horrible at trying to make small talk. I can have conversations just fine as long as it"s about a mutual interest.Mmmkeshek said:
just avoid the interview conversation. if you"re asked what you"re doing for a living, tell them you are a whale hunter, a shaman, or whatever. those are boring topics to talk about when you have just meet. try to have a fun conversation.
Seananigans
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Yeah I used to be horrible at making small talk, and was very shy, and hated approaching. Then I did what I"m suggesting, and now I pick up chicks with no problem whatsoever. I"m sure it helps that I"ve been in the gym for 3 years and finally feel confident about my looks (apparently I"m very vain?), but this advice played a big part.
Eomer
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Question for those of you with any experience on eHarmony: I opened up an account a few days ago and have a couple matches that I"m interested in. Is it best to stick with the rigid, and seemingly retarded guided communication path with picking out questions for them to answer etc? Or just straight up cut to the chase and send an email?
Been taking this approach and it seems to work well enough. Haven"t stopped to have a conversation but I find as I"m walking past girls now and making eye contact I smile or return a smile and follow it with a simple "hi" and walk on. Like I said it seems to be working on the overall shyness, but will probably take a lot more practice before I"m comfortable enough to start a conversation after that.kollos said:
Get a part time job working retail. Gives you face to face time with every type of person under the sun and gives you an excuse to talk to everyone. Plus, extra cash and you can just drop it any time. High turnover on workers means always new situations too.Seths said:
Honestly I turned into an overconfident asshole because of retail. I have to be careful not to get myself in trouble with sarcasm because I will use it on anyone regardless of the consequences these days. Turns out some women can subconsciously understand when you"re calling them stupid to their face even though they have no clue what you just said.
EDIT: I actually had a woman ask me once how long 48 inches was because "she was a woman and didn"t know about science". Yea, no amount of hot makes that worth it. Time to BAIL.
You"re right I think it does, but for someone who"s shy they generally (at least for me personally) don"t make direct eye contact with strangers let alone hot women, smile or even say hi to them as we walk by. Sure we"ll respond with a smile if we notice them smiling at us and we"ll gladly respond to a "hi" with a "hello" of our own but we don"t usually initiate it.TheCutlery said:
I think that"s the first steps I"m taking to get past that and become more extroverted which is to consciously catch a woman"s eye, smile at her, and if she responds then follow with a "hi". Once I"ve conquered that stage and I"ve become comfortable with it so it looks natural I"ll move to trying to strike up a conversation every now and then. Not as I"m walking past, but rather as was suggested if I"m waiting for a bus, standing in line with someone, etc.
What annoys me is how, generally speaking, most people are just flat out unfriendly. If I say nothing neither will they. Why doIhave to be the one to make an attempt at being friendly?