Tenks said:
Explain to me again why she"s so great Eomer. This is an honest question. I know you probably won"t vent on this thread about everything that is so awesome about her so all I know is all her bad qualities but it seems like you are two completely different people and she has no real direction in life. I will admit I"m usually quick to walk away from a relationship, often times too early, but this chick seems like more trouble than she is worth.
I"m not going to lie and say that I think she"s the most awesome person ever. I honestly don"t know at this point. Nor am I going to say that her looks aren"t a major part of my interest, up to this point. They most definitely are, she"s a good looking girl.
I"ve only hung out with her on about half a dozen occasions, so I"m still very much getting to know her. She seems to, or at least did seem to, have a really good personality to go with her looks. She was funny (could take a joke and give one), seems to be pretty smart, comes from a good family, and didn"t strike me as the stereotypical good looking but vapid chick.
Let"s put things in perspective again: of the half dozen times we"ve hung out, she went off the rails one time while drunk, on a new cycle of birth control, and after just having lost her job. Other than that she"s seemed to be someone I enjoy hanging out with. On one other occasion she opened up a bit about her past and being hurt and showed some vulnerability, and I mishandled it. But again, other than that it"s been easy going fun with her for the most part.
As far as having no real direction in life, she"s 21. Not everyone knows exactly what path their life is going to take the second they walk out of highschool. I am a little concerned because when we talked about how she hated being a Coors girl supposedly, she said she viewed it as a "stepping stone" when I asked why she was still doing it. I want to talk to her about that, because I think the last thing she should do is stay involved in the entertainment/service industry. It"s fine to work in that industry in your early 20"s, whether as a waitress (which she"ll probably be falling back on for the time being) or bartender or liquor rep or manager or whatever, but that shit can be a black hole. The buddy that was over last night is a perfect example of what not to do: he"s almost 28, and has virtually nothing to show for the last 10 years. Oh yeah he"s partied hard and had a good time and has lots of good stories, but he"s got no car, no place to live, plenty of credit card debt and so on. It can be such a black hole of ambition.
But right now, she"s planning on going travelling for an extended period after her brother"s wedding in August. She"s not going to find anything permanent for the time being, and I"m sure she can pull decent money serving. Anything past that, and we"re talking a year down the road, it"s really none of my business at this point.
So she"s not some amazingly perfect girl who"s in med school or law or whatever in addition to being gorgeous. But those are few and far between. So long as she"s fun to hang out with and isn"t totally crazy, I don"t see why I should jump ship right away.
Tenks said:
I"ll append this by saying I"ve been in a similar situation. I had my heart broken and shattered by a girl I thought we would spend forever together and I made ALOT of irrational decisions regarding staying with her because of this. My heart is very calloused now because of it and I"m working on that as well.
Yeah, that sucks, and I"ve been through it a bit. I definitely have both eyes open on this. Like I said, I"m of two opposing sides. The rational one is saying "don"t bother, you"re just going to get hurt whether it"s in a month or a year" while the other irrational one figures she"s The One. As long as I straddle that line I"ll be fine.
Brad2770 said:
The kicker- I got a girl"s number the other day. But I have no desire to call her. I have the feeling that I want to hang out with a girl and do the "couple" things, but when i really think about it, it just turns me off. So yeah, I dont know what to do.
First thing to do is go back and read your thread on it, and more importantly, read all the posts telling you to STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM YOUR EX BECAUSE THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT WE ALL SAID WOULD HAPPEN.
I know, the irony of me lecturing him when you"ve all been lecturing me is delicious. Someone can make the exact same post I just made in response to me being a blubbering vagina in a couple months, and we will all laugh at the thread coming full circle. Again.
Brad2770 said:
But that is beside the point. I am asking on what i should do because she obviously has feelings for me....
Jesus christ, you still don"t fucking get it? Of course she still has
somefeelings for you. She was married to you and had a child with you. That doesn"t mean that shit will ever work out between the two of you ever again. You"re just torturing the both of you by hanging around. I hate to say it, but it sounds like she"s found herself a pretty good catch. I"m sure you"ve convinced yourself he"s a dirtbag that"s no good for her, but considering his success, he could probably be banging some random single chick without a kid, as opposed to a divorced single mom who still has some loser ex husband hanging around talking shit about him. That probably says that he"s a good dude, as much as you hate to admit it.
Get it through your fucking skull, it is over between you and her. The only thing binding you together is your son. Do what is best for him, and not what"s best for your fragile ego.
