Just got off the phone with her. She called me, actually.
Sorry for the long post!
Me said:
As well, her previous relationships over the past couple years were kind of fucked up. She was involved in some fucked up love pentagon. It took her like two hours to give me a summary of all the bullshit that went on. That largely was over well over a year ago, but after that, she remained somewhat fuck buddies with one of the dudes and that continued right up until she met me (coincidentally he was briefly a tour guide with the same company as me, although I only met him once and he didn"t stick around). She still talks/texts with that guy, who apparently is somewhat unstable mentally with depression and has told her that he hates me, if only because I "stole" her (dumbass didn"t want a relationship while she did the entire time). I don"t really give a shit that she talks with him, I"m not the jealous type, and they"ve known each other for a long time. And besides, if I told her to stop talking with him, she"d most likely either refuse or just do it behind my back anyway. So at least there"s no secrets, that I"m aware of.
So I don"t know, maybe she"s wondering if she should go back to that guy?
Ding!
I will try to keep the backstory short. Several years ago she was dating a guy named Dave, and there was another couple Jay and Kim. Along with my girlfriend Anne, that was 4/5ths of the pentagon. I can"t even remember who the 5th was, as they don"t factor in much. So she had been going out with Dave for around a year, and Jay and Kim had been dating for several years at that point and everyone just assumed they would get married. I don"t remember the exactly details of who broke up when, who cheated with who, but long story short Dave cheated on her with Kim, which broke up the relationship between Jay and Kim (as well, Dave and Jay up to that point were best friends, and they no longer talk). I think that"s what happened anyway. The 5th person factors in there somewhere that I can"t remember. Close enough.
So Dave and Kim end up together. Meanwhile, Anne and Jay support each other through the tough times, and sure enough end up sleeping with each other. However Jay insists that he does not want a serious relationship and is happy continuing the casual one. Anne, who I have come to realize is a pretty submissive approval seeking type, goes along with that for several years. They see other people as well along the way, but tend to go back to each other. Times between hooking up can be months, or they will see each other regularly for a period of time. Jay continues to not want a relationship while Anne does.
Then I came along in pink pajamas and a fish scale thong. True story. At that point, she hadn"t hooked up with him in several months, and when she told me the whole love pentagon thing, I asked her if she was "over" him and she confirmed that yes, she was, but that he was still a good friend and she would continue to see him from time to time if only because he works in a bike shop that she takes her bike to for fixes.
A month ago, she got word that Dave and Kim got engaged. She"s completely over Dave as that was a long time ago, but wanted to let Jay know about it, because he was still stewing over the whole thing (again with the depression thing). She had heard through mutual friends that Jay had started seeing someone soon after she had told him that she was seeing me, and Jay had gotten pissed/upset about that. So when she went to tell him about Dave and Kim getting engaged, she mentioned that she had heard Jay was also seeing someone, and Jay responded that no he wasn"t, not really, they were just hanging out.
So then last weekend she want for a bike ride with a group of mutual friends, and apparently their larger group of friends are unaware that Anne and Jay had been fucking around on the side. So this group of friends casually mentioned that Jay had been seeing someone for the past month or so. And I guess at that point, Anne realized that she did actually still have feelings for Jay.
Coincidentally, the front fork of her bike started leaking oil that day (her shocks have been recalled three times, I guess that"s why everyone has Fox and not Rock Shox these days), and so she brought the bike in to get fixed on Monday, and ran in to Jay, at which time she confronted him about the girl he was seeing, wanting to know why he had lied to her. She didn"t want to go in to the details of that conversation with me.
She says that she does still have feelings for him as it turns out, and that she has decided she needs to avoid contact with Jay as much as possible for the time being (even though she"ll have to go pick up her bike at some point), and that nothing has changed with how she feels about me, and wants things to continue as they have been. She needed the couple days to sort through her feelings and figure out what she wanted to do.
I basically said that I had suspected that was what was going on, and that I would have appreciated her letting me know sooner what was going on because it had been affecting our relationship negatively for awhile. She reiterated that it was only in the past couple days that she realized what exactly it was that was bothering her, and that she wanted to sort through things before talking to me about it. I was tempted to call her on only figuring it out in the past couple days. I mean, if I was upset about an old flame seeing someone new, why would I not be aware of the reason for being upset? That just didn"t make much sense to me, but she was getting pretty defensive about it and I let it lie.
I said that my feelings for her hadn"t changed from what they were last week, but that I was now more concerned about the Jay thing than I had been previously. She had to get going because family from out of town was coming over, and they were going to the hospital to see her new niece.
So yeah, last week I was cruising along safe in the knowledge that she was really in to me and that everything was smooth sailing. Now, I"m not really sure what to think. I suggested we hang out tomorrow, as I"ll be out of town for the better part of the weekend, but she said more family was coming in from out of town and she wasn"t sure if that would work, but she"d be happy to see me Sunday. Given the circumstances, that"s understandable, it"s just bad timing.