Health Problems
- Thread starter Kuriin
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Ive had problems with those things since I was like 15. I guess I just have a weak ass hole. I have it down now that I rarely get them anymore. Maybe once every 5 yrs or so when I decide to play that one extra match of marvel puzzle quest when im sitting on the can.. But never any bleeders, jsut the ones that hurt like a motherfucker mo matter what position you sit or lie in.
Kreugen
Vyemm Raider
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Uncharted territory for me. I was unaware that the fucking things could explode into meaty clot chunks and gushing rivers of blood. It was a lot like the discovery of blue gatorade = radioactive green ecto-poop or the amazing amount of stuff that can spew from a boil. Somewhat alarming, but a fear quickly put to rest by google.
My meds commonly cause constipation, so I upped my fiber and all that stuff but apparently I needed to add a hell of a lot more water to actually achieve soft pillowy turds instead of the "passing a ton of bricks sideways" and "50 on the Couric scale! It's the next Bono!" brand that I'd gotten used to in a bemused sort of way. I mean, I knew this shit (heh) wasn't good for me, but I'm avoidant as fuck and didn't go far enough to address it.
I already know that some ignored medical condition is what is going to kill me.
Other life tips I learned this week: Clean the humidifier with vinegar, only run it at about 70%, and nearly any brand of cough medicine can actually kill me.
My meds commonly cause constipation, so I upped my fiber and all that stuff but apparently I needed to add a hell of a lot more water to actually achieve soft pillowy turds instead of the "passing a ton of bricks sideways" and "50 on the Couric scale! It's the next Bono!" brand that I'd gotten used to in a bemused sort of way. I mean, I knew this shit (heh) wasn't good for me, but I'm avoidant as fuck and didn't go far enough to address it.
I already know that some ignored medical condition is what is going to kill me.
Other life tips I learned this week: Clean the humidifier with vinegar, only run it at about 70%, and nearly any brand of cough medicine can actually kill me.
Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
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Quality probiotics and one of those Japanese toilet seats that power cleans your anus was the hemorrhoid cure for me. Fiber supplements actually made things worse, both for the reason you listed as well as the fact that it would make me very bloated/gassy.
P.S: Make sure you address it, otherwise you'll end up with diverticulitis like I did
P.S: Make sure you address it, otherwise you'll end up with diverticulitis like I did
Gravy
Bronze Squire
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Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
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Toto SW574#01 Washlet S300e Toilet Seat-Elongated with ewater+, Cotton - - Amazon.com
Laugh all you want but it's the best money I've ever spent. Cleans your bunghole to a polished shine, feels great, the warm seat is awesome, and the GF/wife will love it. You'll also end up buying toilet paper far less frequently. Supposedly these are standard gear on pretty much every Japanese toilet.
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What probiotics do people suggest? I just had a doctor and my mom both randomly in one week suggest them and I really know nothing about it other than a little wiki reading.
Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
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I originally ignored my doctor's recommendation of Align, dismissing it as too "commercial" since its available OTC at CVS, and ended up buying some fancy expensive ones at Whole Foods that had good reviews on Amazon, and they didn't do jack. Went back to the doctor's recommendation of Align and its been working great. I always had that urge to go even when I didn't have to, and Align got rid of that feeling entirely.
Kuriin
Just a Nurse
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Just buyAmazon.com: Konsyl Easy Mix Formula Psyllium Fiber, 300g Powder( 6 Pack): Health Personal Care. I do about 2 tablespoons a night (about 40 or so grams of fiber) and the poop is fan fucking tastic. You will never strain again and you can say goodbye to hemorrhoids.
Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
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How do you drink that shit? Tried psillium/Metamucil a few times and shit makes me gag. It's like drinking a thick cum-shake.
Woefully Inept
Karazhan Raider
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Orange flavored metamucil is bearable. I get the sugar free variety and unflavored I won't touch. It also makes me want to vomit. I have to take it 2-3 times a day which I know sounds crazy but I shit it all out within 2-4 hours depending if it's a good day or bad day.
Gravy
Bronze Squire
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Oh, I wasn't laughing. Thanks for the link!
Edit: Holy Moses! That price caught me off guard.
Woefully Inept
Karazhan Raider
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Kuriin
Just a Nurse
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Konsyl tastes like nothing. Just put it in orange juice if you don't like it. Use a frother. Do not get Metamucil as it will thicken faster.
BTW, I would just use the flushable baby wipes on your asshole if you want a clean poopchute. Cheap.
iannis
Musty Nester
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Holy Jesus Kruegen. That's horrible. I am sorry for your ass pain.
Yeah, fiber and water need to be balanced. There's a ratio you're aiming for, and it's going to be heavy on the water.
If you get gummed up bro's, I mean really gummed up, a home enema kit is the way to go. First time I ever did an enema I expected sort of a brown slurry. But the poop comes out lookin pretty much like poop.
Hey, it's better to squirt some water up your ass than to suffer a hemorrhoid. Or a ruptured hemorrhoid. And I mean, you know, light some candles. Make it special.
Edit: And it is better to just drink the water than to squirt it up your butt. But desperate times require enemas.
Yeah, fiber and water need to be balanced. There's a ratio you're aiming for, and it's going to be heavy on the water.
If you get gummed up bro's, I mean really gummed up, a home enema kit is the way to go. First time I ever did an enema I expected sort of a brown slurry. But the poop comes out lookin pretty much like poop.
Hey, it's better to squirt some water up your ass than to suffer a hemorrhoid. Or a ruptured hemorrhoid. And I mean, you know, light some candles. Make it special.
Edit: And it is better to just drink the water than to squirt it up your butt. But desperate times require enemas.
Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
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High water pressure setting along with pulsating stream function deep cleans the whole poop chute, and feels great in a disturbing type of way. You live in San Fran, so check out any high end Japanese restaurant for a live trial, as they usually have these type of toilets. Trust me, you'll be a convert.
Will try the Konsyl with some pulpy orange juice. It was always the texture that made me gag.
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Something about having wet ass after I take a shit does not sound all that great. But I have never tried one. Also how does this clean your entire ass of shit without scrubbing it somehow or through the use of toilet paper to wipe it away. To me it just seems more messy. instead of having a shit covered ass now I have a shit covered wet ass.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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You don't want a wet ass but you're perfectly ok with smearing poop around with a dry piece of toilet paper and calling it clean!