Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Palum_sl said:

Yes, this is called your mother.

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Yea, the vast majority of people who have grown up in western cultures identify with monogamy and have a hard time understanding anything else. I have very unpopular opinions when it comes to this kind of thing, but that also doesn't mean nobody is capable of separating love and sex.

Sorry you're a cuck sympathizer man, didn't mean to offend

Noodleface_sl said:

Look I'm pretty open minded but a cuck seems like a beta to me. I'm a grown up and this is my opinion. Doesn't matter either way, it's their sex life not mine.

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Odd, I think almost completely the opposite. Sharing one's partner is a no-go for MOST humans because of fear. Jealous, envy, being compared to another male... etc etc. A man who doesn't feel any of those things and can enjoy his wife's pleasure seems like the epitome of "alpha" (to use your stupid alpha/beta terms).

Or, to put it another way, if I met a happy husband and wife and the guy looked at me and said: ("It makes me happy when she's happy, why does that sound so strange to you?"), what could I say to that?

Tangent: we're long past the days of needing to control women's wombs to secure lineages or whatever. The best argument for monogamy on a societal level is that it prevents the wealthy from building harems and leaving the poor men without a partner. The best argument for monogamy on a personal level is that it is a ward against neurotic and insecure behavior because none of us are as good at communicating our fears and our desires as we think we are.

To most people alpha means dominant. And a large part of our culture involves a man being the king of his domain and letting his woman know who the boss is. That's the traditional role in our society.

Khane_sl said:

To most people alpha means dominant. And a large part of our culture involves a man being the king of his domain and letting his woman know who the boss is. That's the traditional role in our society.

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I agree with that, I think the crucial difference is that some men are weak and their partner compels them into a position they didn't want to be in (sharing his wife). That is wholly negative and not "alpha".

My perspective is that a man who truly, genuinely, is not threatened and can find enjoyment in his wife exploring other partners is not a beta. This is happening according to his will, not the other way around. Sure, some of those guys are frauds and are deluding themselves but at a certain point we have to take people at face value. If lindz is describing this dynamic accurately, and if her and her husband are communicating accurately, then I wouldn't think this guy is a beta.

Eidal_sl said:

I agree with that, I think the crucial difference is that some men are weak and their partner compels them into a position they didn't want to be in (sharing his wife). That is wholly negative and not "alpha".

My perspective is that a man who truly, genuinely, is not threatened and can find enjoyment in his wife exploring other partners is not a beta. This is happening according to his will, not the other way around. Sure, some of those guys are frauds and are deluding themselves but at a certain point we have to take people at face value. If lindz is describing this dynamic accurately, and if her and her husband are communicating accurately, then I wouldn't think this guy is a beta.

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Absolutely. And the disconnect is that most men will perceive the former (she's just cheating on him and he's too much of a pussy to leave), regardless of the truth.

Sheesh, some of you guys need to think about being a little more sex-positive.

There are some legitimate concerns that were brought up about cuckolding fetishes though, mainly that the fantasy doesn't end up lining up with the reality and the insecurities and jealousy kick in overwhelming the fantasy. Something you can try Lindz, especially since you've already been texting a dude, is set up a date and convince your husband that you plan to go fuck the dude. But make the date completely plutonic and mundane, movie, ice cream, whatever, and document the whole thing. Now see how he reacts now that he thinks it had really happened. If it's positive you know you both can explore further, if it triggers bad feelings he wasn't expecting you can walk him through what actually happened and help him realize this particular fetish probably should remain in the realm of fantasy for him.

Also I'd make it perfectly clear that enacting this fantasy for him is in no way giving your blessing for him to seek different partners. If that is something he/you want it needs to be discussed separately from this particular fantasy and arrangement.

No, I'm not personally into cuckolding but I am into my own freaky shit and also find human sexuality fascinating so I tend to read a lot about it.

Lenas_sl said:

Sounds like you stopped caring a while ago and now you're just together because... meh.

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Isn't the whole point of marriage to break each other down to that point?

Noodle, do you get mad or jealous if someone flirts with your wife?

That can open a different can of worms of course. Maybe he's fine if it's purely sexual but if the dude is courting you (buying her ice cream? Come on opiate, how old are we?!) he may not be cool with that.

My wife loves ice cream.

Should clarify that the dude doesn't need to be involved at all. Can be a night out by herself. Her husband just needs to be convinced he is. Also you do bring up some additional issues/feelings that should be discussed though.

fifey_sl said:

Isn't the whole point of marriage to break each other down to that point?

Noodle, do you get mad or jealous if someone flirts with your wife?

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Noodle so alpha he probably goes straight to the headbutting.

"I'm gunna fuck you retarded"

What if she's already retarded?

She'd post on rerolled

Shots fired!

fifey_sl said:

Isn't the whole point of marriage to break each other down to that point?

Noodle, do you get mad or jealous if someone flirts with your wife?

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Negative, I might get mad if I was with my wife, some dude knew she was my wife, and did it right in front of my face just because I think that's disrespectful - but otherwise I don't care.

Mrs. Gravy_sl said:

Dear Ms. Lindz,
I am absolutely new here and not a man so I am uncertain if you want my thoughts on this. Please feel free to disregard if you don't like the timbre of this remark: It seems to me as if you already had an answer for yourself and were seeking more of a mirror than advice. From what I read, you are fully realized woman and you know what you want. You don't need me or any of these fine and often hilarious men to tell you what to do.
You know who you are and how you want your marriage to be. So, be bold in whatever it is you desire; continue in your confidence and acceptance of the consequences of your actions regardless if they are positive or negative (I hope for you, they are nothing but positive).
With sincere respect,
Mrs. G

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Thank you for this! And I think you are absolutely right - I was looking for more of a sounding board than actual advice. The people I talk to about this are my husband and the guy, so they are a tad biased. I really appreciate the kind words, really insightful.