Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Khane · May 26, 2016

I must have read a different post than you guys.

He had an $800 a month drinking habit which he only stopped 2 months ago and now he's ready to jump ship because his wife isn't immediately eternally grateful for this huge sacrifice?

CalhoonJugganaut_sl said:
I stopped drinking 2 months ago yet we still have the same problems as before.

That one quote makes him lose all credibility in my eyes.

lurkingdirk · May 26, 2016

Khane_sl said:
I must have read a different post than you guys.

He had an $800 a month drinking habit which he only stopped 2 months ago and now he's ready to jump ship because his wife isn't immediately eternally grateful for this huge sacrifice?

That one quote makes him lose all credibility in my eyes.

yep.

moonarchia · May 26, 2016

Calhoon, you need to communicate starting yesterday. Stop apologizing if you don't mean it and say what you really feel. As unhappy as you are, realize she is just as unhappy. It also sounds like she is hella insecure, or cheating on you. Maybe both.

Oblio · May 26, 2016

Well I can understand you guys shitting on him but I will try to be positive.

Congrats on the Sobriety, each day is a huge step and 2 months is nothing to be mocked, but you have to be realistic and understand why your wife nor this forum is gonna roll out the red carpet after 2 months. Regarding the counseling try to phrase things this way ... "When you say X, I feel Y." Somehow things phrased that way in therapy don't cut quite as deep.

I think you are going to have to give it more time to give her a chance to heal from your drinking days. Perhaps you can say something like "I know I fucked up a lot in the past with my drinking, and I know the wounds won't heal over night, but I really hope you can meet me halfway in an effort to find the positive things in each other and our day to life. We have a beautiful kid together and I don't want that kid to grow up with a Drunk Dad & an Angry Mom, nor do I want that kid to grow up with split parents bouncing back forth between two houses for the next 17+ years. We obviously were very happy once, we chose each other for a spouse...is that gone? Do we have any hope of finding that happy place again? I am up for trying if you will try with me, what do you say?"

If a speech like that has no effect then I guess your other option is the J49 Method, that is where you go fuck Junkie Hoors and share enough about your personal life with the Hoors that they let your wife know. After her initial anger she will start sucking your dick 3 times a day.

Noodleface · May 26, 2016

I agree he has problems, doesn't excuse her behavior either. To be honest if I were in his shoes I might try to get my wife to marriage counseling.

Palum · May 26, 2016

1) Dude's a pussy
2) Woman's a bitch
3) Potato

Khane · May 26, 2016

Noodleface_sl said:
I agree he has problems, doesn't excuse her behavior either. To be honest if I were in his shoes I might try to get my wife to marriage counseling.

Sure, if you can believe anything an addict says. And I tend to not give them the benefit of the doubt in that department because I've known too many. Stop for a short period of time, expect everyone to praise and adore you and that all your past transgressions will be forgiven. Then they start again with one or two in front of people, and then they're right back into it.

It's good he stopped. He needed to, good for him. But his post reeks of classic addict victimization nonsense.

$400 every 2 weeks is a full blown alcoholic unless he's sitting in his smoking room sipping on pappy van winkle a few nights a week. He should feel fortunate his wife didn't leave him instead of feeling sorry for himself. Though it seems his wife isn't a very smart woman for having a child with someone who has that kind of drinking problem.

chaos · May 26, 2016

It sounds like the drinking was probably related to the shitty home life. He didn't make it sound like everything was peachy then he started drinking and now she's a bitch.

Cad · May 27, 2016

Khane_sl said:
pappy van winkle

I had to lendarios some terms here but this was very interesting

Palum · May 27, 2016

chaos_sl said:
It sounds like the drinking was probably related to the shitty home life. He didn't make it sound like everything was peachy then he started drinking and now she's a bitch.

With $400 in booze biweekly how the hell would he know?

Fifey · May 27, 2016

Palum_sl said:
With $400 in booze biweekly how the hell would he know?

He's a military guy so he's obviously stationed near a base and likely going out to the bar to drink with military bros. It's very easy to rack up a 100 dollar tab in a couple of hours when out drinking at those kind of bars. One round of shots for 5 guys is like 42 bucks.

Not excusing his behavior but you are all acting like you've never been around military people before.

Khane · May 27, 2016

fifey_sl said:
He's a military guy so he's obviously stationed near a base and likely going out to the bar to drink with military bros. It's very easy to rack up a 100 dollar tab in a couple of hours when out drinking at those kind of bars. One round of shots for 5 guys is like 42 bucks.

Not excusing his behavior but you are all acting like you've never been around military people before.

So he's always picking up the tab? Sounds like a great drinking buddy.

Palum · May 27, 2016

fifey_sl said:
He's a military guy so he's obviously stationed near a base and likely going out to the bar to drink with military bros. It's very easy to rack up a 100 dollar tab in a couple of hours when out drinking at those kind of bars. One round of shots for 5 guys is like 42 bucks.

Not excusing his behavior but you are all acting like you've never been around military people before.

Real alcoholics drink at home. Lots more buzz per $ that way. You're not an alcoholic if you're buying at bars unless you're wealthy. They also tend to stop serving you.

Kirun · May 27, 2016

CalhoonJugganaut_sl said:
Wife

Your wife is a cunt because she has no respect for you. She has no respect for you because you command none, because you're a giant pussy/pushover.

She fucking berated your mother about kisses to her grandchild and then hadyoucall her to coax an apology out of her? And you actually went through with this, when the only response should have been, "Uh...fuck off."? You need to grow a pair, stay sober, and get your life in order so you can move on. It's likely that she'snevergoing to respect you at this point and even if she did, would you even care?

Fifey · May 27, 2016

Khane_sl said:
So he's always picking up the tab? Sounds like a great drinking buddy.

Every friend I had in the military was an idiot with their money and would constantly buy rounds when we would go out, especially if they just got back from deployment.

Palum_sl said:
Real alcoholics drink at home. Lots more buzz per $ that way. You're not an alcoholic if you're buying at bars unless you're wealthy. They also tend to stop serving you.

Plenty of alcoholics drink at bars, get off work, go to the bar drink till happy hour is over then head home and get beer/liquor on the way and with how cunty his wife sounds, I'm sure he's trying to avoid being around her.

Khane · May 27, 2016

fifey_sl said:
Every friend I had in the military was an idiot with their money and would constantly buy rounds when we would go out, especially if they just got back from deployment.

And you wouldn't buy them rounds in return?

The idea is to buy each other rounds and at the end of the night you're really only paying for your own drinks anyway. You're not a bro at all fifey.

fifey_sl said:
Plenty of alcoholics drink at bars, get off work, go to the bar drink till happy hour is over then head home and get beer/liquor on the way and with how cunty his wife sounds, I'm sure he's trying to avoid being around her.

Yea well, consider the source of the story. You know many honorable, trustworthy alcoholics?

Noodleface · May 27, 2016

Khane I get it, my mom is a severe addict and has been for the last 10+ years. I know the cycle all too well, the guilt they bestow upon others and the sense of entitlement they carry just for being sober. I've been to more AA meetings than most sober people ever will go to. It's a crazy thing.

Im just saying his wife sounds like a bitch.

I also agree with Kirun, put your foot down. If she wanted an apology from your mother she should've called her herself. Just because you don't think you can win arguments doesn't mean you cant be a man.

Im really upset that a kid was brought up in this environment. You two really should think of the kid...

DickTrickle · May 27, 2016

I don't understand how a grandparent kissing a grand child on the forehead/cheeks is some awful thing. Is there more to it? If not, it truly is ludicrous you convinced your mom to apologize.

Also some serious hypocrisy for them to say your parents shouldn't be involved but her's can be constantly. Definitely need to stop being a door mat.

Noodleface · May 27, 2016

She was probably irrationally worried about the baby getting sick from it.

Lendarios · May 27, 2016

Calhoon, good luck first of all. You are basically in a asymmetric relationship in terms of the parents involvememt. It sucks, and it's hard to change without a confrontation. My advise is determine first if you want to stay, and if you do then try addressing the Facebook police. Maybe she doesn't trust you, it's even worse if she has legitimate reasons. Some women don't give two shits about likes and Facebook friends others are irrationally crazy about that.
Regarding the parents don't let your wife control their access. It will eat you at night.

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