Jesus, I don't even know if if its worth posting right now, as it will probably be swallowed up by 20 more pages of back and forth over this nonsense, but here goes all the same.
First, quick recap - Filed for divorce in Dec of 2013. All super mutual, no lawyers. We ended up splitting on the terms that we both get the kids 50-50, I keep the house and all debts either of us had. I paid the first and last months rent at a place of her choosing, turned on all the utilities, as well as letting her take all furniture and whatever she wanted from the house. In addition, I paid out around $2,000 over the first couple of months to help her with anything she needed. All in all, I kept an empty house and car, and around $12,000 of debt. She kept a car, all possessions, and had a couple of months to get on her feet and start learning to manage her finances.
Everyone either of us knew felt like I went over and above what was fair, which I agreed with, but I wanted the divorce to work out on the best possible terms, so I did it all happily. One other thing we wrote into the divorce paperwork was that I would not be paying her child support. This was not really true, as the state provides the child support calculator online, and we filled it out together and found that I would need to pay her $260 a month. We decided to do this under the table, for the following reasons; 1. There are some very nice apartments in town that are reserved for people making under a certain amount of money. She barely qualified for them, but if she claimed my support she was just over. On top of this, she was very optimistic about going to college, and we figured she had a better chance of getting financial aid with lower income. At first my X didn't want any child support at all, being intent on doing things herself and being an adult, but I insisted, and all her friends explained to her why it was deserved or something, and she agreed to it.
So, we went ahead and said no child support in our court work paperwork, but I pay her every month all the same. With a check, so I have a record.
Now, a lot of you were heavily against this, understandably. This could really come back someday and bite me in the ass right? Onoes making bad decisions because he wants to believe in the goodness of people? There's a first!
Moving on to whats been going on in the interim. So, as you all know, my xwife started sleeping around with married dudes, and being generally crazy for the first year of our separation... but so did I (with the ladies), so no judgement. We had a couple small arguments, but mostly, best divorce ever. For tax year 2013, I just did our taxes as married, as we were married all year, and told her I would show her how to use Turbotax the next year. Near the end of 2014 I met Hannah, and really thought I found a girl I would be with for years. She ended up dumping me out of the blue right before Christmas. I came on her at the beginning of 2015 to tell everyone about it- and confess to my super embarrassing run in on New Years eve with Hannah, drunk and basically begging her to admit she loved me. Suuuuuper embarrassing. Easily the most humiliating moment in my life. I got pretty bitter and heartbroken for a couple months after that.
At the end of Feb I met a girl on a renfair camping thing, and we hit it off immediately. Hung out talking for hours and hours. About 2 a.m. it slips out that she is married. I was 100% not interested in that, we hadn't done anything yet, and I told her nothing was going to happen. We then ended up talking all night about how she had been unhappy for years, and a lot of her issues paralleled mine, so I talked with her about what I had gone through as well. We ended up adding each other on Facebook and going our separate ways. She lived 4-5 hours away, but said it would be nice to have lunch or something if we were ever in each others towns. We talked off and on in texts over the next couple of weeks, and she was talking daily about sitting down with her husband and talking divorce. She finally told him that they needed to talk, he agreed, and out of the blue he asked for a divorce. It turns out he had been playing online games with a girl for almost 6 months, and wanted to move to her state and give it a shot.
I drove up in March and we went out on a date. We began talking and Skyping daily. She ended up selling all her stuff, selling her house, and moving out with me a few months later. I did have some friction with my X over this, as she was concerned that I had been in a serious relationship with Hannah at the end of 2014, and now I'm moving in a girl she hadn't even met 6 months later? She tried to tell me I couldn't, or that she didn't want her coming to her house to pick up the kids or anything when that failed. I basically put my foot down and told her that while I appreciate her point of view, and understand that she is just looking out for the welfare of our children, she had to understand that ultimately it was my decision to make, and she would have to trust my judgement. As for me keeping my girlfriend away from her house, I told her that's a road she didn't want to go down, as we were on great terms, but if she wants to lay down the rule that my SO has to stay in the car when we go to her house, she can stay in the car when she comes by my house. Basically, if she wants to do that, I'm not going to be able to still be friends with her, and our divorce has to become very rigid and business like. She calmed down and said fine, kind of stormed off, and calmed down. From that moment on she made an effort to be polite to my SO, and ended up really liking her.
For tax year 2014 we filed separately (I was supposed to walk her through it, but being the flake she is, I ended up just doing her taxes for her). We each claimed one kid. All still good.
Which brings us to this year.
Well, lets go back just a bit to the end of last year. One of the kids was sick in December, they were with me, and I called my X to let her know that I was going to take him to the doctor the next day. Now, my work covers my insurance, and my X's covers hers, but both our workplaces have TERRIBLE family plans. As such, the kids don't have insurance. I understand its not ideal, but I've just been paying any doctor bills (we should be splitting it according to our divorce paperwork, but I've never asked her for money). Well, my X tells me she has a confession. She had applied for Food stamps near the beginning of 2014, as some of her friends had encouraged her too. Not only did she qualify, but they put both the kids on ACCESS, free government health care at the same time. I was surprised, but mostly just in a good "Ohh awesome!" kind of way. I did have a couple of questions, because I was surprised she qualified, and she told me that she didn't qualify by herself, but with the two kids she did. My concern was that we each claimed a kid, so I didn't think she could claim both the kids. She assured me that it was fine.
I wasn't convinced and called the assistance program the next day. I didn't give names or anything, just said "So, my X wife has done this, and I just wanted to make sure that was all fine so she doesn't get in trouble or anything." The woman I spoke too told me that she can claim both the kids for food stamps no problem, but that the insurance would only apply to kids she claimed on her taxes, and that had probably just slipped through the cracks. She said that sometime in early 2016 they review all the cases, and expect the insurance to drop off one kid if my X doesn't claim him on her taxes. I relayed this info to my X.
When it came time to do our 2015 taxes, I went ahead and did all the paperwork as if I was claiming one of the kids, the end result being a refund of just over $600 for me, and $3000 for her. I then redid the paperwork with her claiming both kids, the end result was me owing $5000 and her getting a refund of $6000. I talked to her about it, and my initial suggestion was "Why don't we do the taxes like that, with her paying me the $3000 extra she would get, and half of the $2,100 to cover his insurance". So basically, I would end up paying $1600 and she would end up with $200 in refund, but both our kids would have insurance. She didn't want to do that, saying she really needed the $3000. So, I just ended up saying fine, I would pay the whole thing, she just needed to give me the $3000 extra she was getting for having both kids, and I would pay the $2000 (and just lose the $600) so that our kids kept insurance. She agreed.
After I did the taxes and her refund went out I asked for the $3000 and she said she really didn't understand why she was paying me that and could I explain it again. I said yes and went to her house, sat down, walked her through everything multiple times, and she was still having trouble. She finally just agreed that she was going to get $3000 by herself and had received $6000 so she guesses she owes me $3000 even though she doesn't understand why. I assured her over and over that she was losing nothing and I was losing $2600, trust me, I'm not trying to screw you in any way. It was super aggravating. She then asks if she can see my W-2. I show her where all of my w-2 stuff is in the paperwork and she says "No, your actual w-2". and I tell her I didn't bring it, why would I, why does she even want to see it? She says that it seems fair because I've seen hers. I tell her thats because I did her taxes, something I would be happy not to do in the future. She then says that she's been talking with her friend who is a lawyer and she said that I'm supposed to show her my W-2 every year to prove I'm not lying about wages. I say fine, hang on, drive home, get my W-2, drive back, and hand it to her. She sets it down on her table, pulls out her phone and takes a picture. I'm like "yeah, I'm not really comfortable with that, all my info is on there, why do you need that?" and she says that she's showing it to her friend to make sure things are fair. I say fine, they are fair, so whatever you need to do. I leave fuming mad, as I've done nothing but help her and I'm basically offended at having that questioned. I just spend $2600, she spent 0, and she needs to double check that I'm not screwing her. Fuuuuuck off.
So, a few days later she calls me and says we need to talk. She has talked to her Lawyer friend, and I've been getting raises while she hasn't. We should be adjusting the child support every year based on new wages, and so I should have paid her more through 2015, and should be paying her more through 2016, etc. I went "Is that how its supposed to work? When we got divorced you didn't even want child support... I just assumed it stayed the same." She assured me that her friend said we are supposed to adjust it yearly, that's why I'm supposed to give her my W-2. So, I apologize, and say I'll fix it. I load up our 2015 taxes and redo the child support calculator and sure enough, from $260-$290. I redo it for 2016 and again from $290-320. So I basically shorted her $30 per month all of 2015, and $60 per month so far in 2016. I call her back, let her know, and tell her I will write her out a check for the $600 I mistakenly shorted her. She tells me thats its ok, I don't have to do that, as long as I start paying the $320 a month now. I was glad she said that because it made me feel like she wasn't just being greedy, and I said no, I want it to be fair, I'm giving her the money. She accepted.
Next we have the Mothers Day event. I just happened to have the kids on Mothers Day, she called 5 days before and asked if she could pick up the kids the night before and have them that day. I say sure no problems. She then asks me for 2 other favors, which I also say no problem to. I then go "Ohh hey, on Mothers day though, could I grab the kids for like 30 minutes whenever is convenient for you, just to take them out to a frozen yogurt and bring them back?" and she goes "Ummmm no. I know what you are asking, and as much as I appreciate everything your SO does for the kids, I'm still their mom." Now, just to reiterate, my SO has now been with us over a year, everything is fantastic, she LOVES the kids, and they love her. I tell her that I know, and its her day, all I am asking for is 30 minutes. She again says no. I tell her that I would advise she talk to her friends and family, and see what they think. Ask them if 30 minutes is worth causing friction and possibly burning bridges over. I tell her she can make whatever decision she wants, but that if she decides no- its only going to hurt my SO, if that's what she wants to do, its on her.
She called me the day before mothers day and told me she would stop by the house and let the kids drop off appreciation cards, because she does appreciate what my SO does for the kids. It was better than nothing, but awkward because she came into the house with the kids. Anyway, it just made me think "This could all go tits up anytime. Basically, its just like the marriage was, I'm the one doing everything to try and make this work, and at best she goes with the flow, and at worst I have to try and manage her back to being reasonable. I'm the one making this work..."
And now we are up to a week ago. She calls me last week and says "Hey, I have to talk to you about something awkward, I've been putting it off, but here goes." Apparently, every few months she has to go back into the food assistance place and give them her pay stubs so they can verify she is still making the same wages. Well, when she went this time it was a new lady. This lady said "It says on your paperwork that you and your X husband have the kids 50-50, is that right?" and she said yes. The lady asked her if she was sure, and she said yes. The lady then apologizes and says she has to revoke her food stamps because she can only claim the kids if she has them a majority of the time. The lady then tells her that if she has ME write up a paper saying that she has the kids 51% of the time, and I have them 49%, and sign it, she can use that to put her back on food stamps. So, she's calling to ask me to do that. I'm immediatly like "Look.... uhhhhggg... I'm sure not paying for food is nice... and I know we are on good terms right now... but if we ever aren't, and you want to screw me, that's like handing you a golden ticket. With that you could claim that I agree you watch them more, and instead of my $320 child support I now owe you $2,000 a month. You could push for full custody. That's just... that's a lot." She assures me that of course that will never happen. She then sort of shoots herself in the foot. She tells me that if its any consolation, her lawyer friend has been pushing her since day one to let her take me to court and just get her anything and everything she could want, and she hasn't ever done it, so see? I can trust her!
I legitimately do not think she was trying to threaten me here, I think she's just dumb and was trying to show me that she's been so good about it. Like a husband telling his wife he could be cheating on her every day, but he doesn't, because he's such a great guy. What a keeper!
However, see it as a threat I do, and I tell her that her friend can say whatever she wants, the fact of the matter is that I've been beyond fair in every single thing I've done since the get go, so if she wants to go to court, that's fine with me, I'm completely confident the court would say I'm doing everything to the letter of the law. (sidenote: This isn't 100% true, as I know the court can always decide that all the money I've given her every month is essentially a gift, and order me to pay back child support for the 3 years we've been apart. I do not mention this to her ever, but its my only concern) She says of course not, she didn't mean it like that, she was just saying that she hasn't tried to screw me so far, so I can trust that she won't in the future.
I tell her I need to think about it. I want to say no on the spot, but I also want everything to keep working, so I'm hesitant. I talk to people. Everyone says "No fucking way.", "Do not do that.", "NOPE.". I agree. I decide before I tell her no I'm just going to double check that I'm doing everything right.
And here is where the fun starts.
I find out that A.) I do not have to show her my W-2's.
and B.) Child support is set at a figure when you get divorced, and by default it never changes.
Now, she is allowed to take me to court over child support, at which point I show the court my w-2, and she shows them hers. If the difference in wages has changed more than 15% since the initial figure, they can, at their prerogative, review the case. If its less than 15% they immediately throw it out. Whether they decide to adjust or not, once you have gone to court for an adjustment, you can't file for another one for 3 years! Sooooooooo, yeah, the whole, I need to show her my W2 and we need to alter child support every year per her lawyer friend? Bull shit. Total bullshit.
I have yet to talk to her about all of this. Which brings me to my dilemma.
I need to tell her all of this certainly, but I have some options. One thing I'm thinking of is actually filing a change of child support form myself. Telling the court that I've been paying it (I have a copy of every single cashed check) the entire time, because we thought that would that would be easier than making the state handle it, but that I would just like to make it official and cover myself in case there was ever a problem. I feel like this would look much better if it came from me, and I would get out in front of any possibility of her layer friend doing the same thing. I will also be claiming my kid on my taxes as per our original agreement. I know this will probably cause my kids to lose their health insurance, but we need to separate our adult shit. She needs to do her own taxes, and as much as free healthcare is nice, oh well.
There's one other factor. When we got divorced, I was grated the house. When I called up the mortgage company to have her name removed I found out that to do that I basically need to re-buy the house. There is no way to just remove her. What this means is that I have to pay for the entire process of selling and buying a house. On top of this, the sweet loan I originally got is no longer an option. I went to a mortgage place and they estimated that it would cost me around $7,000 for the entire process, and at the end I would need to pay mortgage insurance (something I currently don't have to do), which will raise my monthly cost by around $100. So, with a $7k investment and then a higher monthly cost... I just haven't done it. Which means the house is still in both of our names.
A big part of me would like to have that done before I potentially royally piss her off. When I tell her that I'm not doing the food stamp letter she's going to be mad, hopefully a "put yourself in my shoes" talk will be enough, but she's not going to be happy. She's going to see it as me just taking $300 in food stamps from her away for no reason. When I tell her that I do not have to show her my W-2's, and we do not up her child support every year.. she's going to be madder. I think that's the big one. I think with the food stamps she will be annoyed mad, but do nothing. I think with the second one she will call her laywer friend, and that might be enough for her to go "ok, lets take him to court and get whats fair" or something.
So, my current line of thought is - Tell her no on the food stamps - get the house in my name only - tell her that I want to do child support through the courts and serve her. In that order.
Thoughts?
(Sorry its not a sex crazed awesome story, just a legit update and advice asking one. My SO did the grapefruit blowjob thing to me you see on youtube. It wasn't anything to write home about. Or maybe she just gives amazing non fruit related bj's and I'm spoiled?)
TL
R - Talk about cuckolding some more I guess? You're no help to me.
