Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Twilight Sparkle_sl said:

Dude, you've described a pretty goddamn harmonious relationship with your ex so I don't really give a shit if you disagree with me calling this serious turbulence. Relative to how you've gotten along since the divorce (as far as you've told us) this is serious shit and a major warning sign.

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He was looking more for opinions which agree with him, OK?

Palum_sl said:

He was looking more for opinions which agree with him, OK?

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As I said - I know no one likes to hear shit contrary to their viewpoint, but this just gets grim.

Onoes I feel like literally everyone on the forum warned you of this when you got divorced.

Noodleface_sl said:

Onoes I feel like literally everyone on the forum warned you of this when you got divorced.

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I think there's a certain wisdom in potentially destroying the life of your kids over not being prepared in order to be nice.

Onoes you said the ex was on the mortgage, is she on the dead? Some jurisdictions allow for a quit claim, she would have to do it. Her name would get off the deed but would still be on the mortgage. This is the situation I am in currently and I am trying to get my ex to refinance the house so I am not on the hook for the mortgage.

Cud_sl said:

Onoes you said the ex was on the mortgage, is she on the dead? Some jurisdictions allow for a quit claim, she would have to do it. Her name would get off the deed but would still be on the mortgage. This is the situation I am in currently and I am trying to get my ex to refinance the house so I am not on the hook for the mortgage.

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Yea, so why the hell would you quitclaim while still being liable to payments on it? lol.

I say these things because I worry for onoes. I don't know if it's true ignorance or blind trust but I wouldn't want to see anyone on this forum taken to the cleaners and I feel whether it's today or some years down the line it's going to happen to onoes.

Serious advice here. Bring everything to a lawyer. Documents, bills, paperwork, divorce stuff, text messages, etc. Say "what do I do right now to protect myself"

Whatever you have to pay him will save you in the longterm.

Also dude. Family insurance plans all suck, I know mine does. Just get on that shit for them. I can't imagine footing the bill all the time and having something serious come up that I couldn't afford. You sound like you make good money.

Frenzied Wombat_sl said:

I'll be honest and say that the less attractive the woman, the less likely she's to suffer this double-standard, but then my dick doesn't work, so what do?

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I lol'd.

Onoes_sl said:

That's kind of what this feels like anymore, and I think I remember why I stopped posting in the first place. I posted that expecting some flak, but also expecting some joking around, some advice, some congratulations on how well shit has been going even. Instead its all "TOLD YOU SO FUCKHEAD", "No point talking to him, he's too much of an idiot", "Just stand back and watch him get fucking in the ass by this whore".

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Onoes, I read your whole post. I know you're a positive guy and like to put the best spin on things, and many people on the forum are happy to skewer you when things go wrong.

That said, you aren't a lawyer, and she has a lawyer (or pseudo-lawyer) friend feeding her bad info. At the bare minimum, you should consult a reputable family lawyer, lay out the situation, and get an accurate picture of your exposure and options. You say she's "just dumb", but that, coupled with a lifestyle that isn't what she envisioned when she divorced you & seeing you happy with a new chick that your kids like, can work against you. So she's not bright, life isn't trending upwards for her, and a supposed lawyer is in her ear telling her how to get the good life by taking you down. Even if the law is mostly on your side, any lawyer will tell you that you never want to go to court and roll the dice on a dumbshit jury or biased judge fucking you.

Real concerns are raised. You are worried about your exposure. Go get the facts and have your options in order.

And for the record, the thing EVERYONE hammered you on was going under the table with child support, because it really can fuck you. A concern the family lawyer you visit will likely share.

Cad_sl said:

Khane I'll just say lots of people hate the fuck out of other people's kids but treat their own like the golden spawn of heaven. I wouldn't necessarily take that to mean anything.

And teachers are going to say awful things about kids in their off hours, just like doctors do about patients, lawyers do about clients or managers do about underlings. Part of the game. You might be jumping to conclusions there.

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I'm not going to have children with a woman who pretends her job and her students are the world to her and everything she does is so rewarding in public but then says shit like "I hope she gets raped at a gas station" in private. There is a difference between calling someone dumb or worthless and wishing rape on them because they're a dumb teenager who gave her boyfriend a blowjob and got caught. She honestly thought that girl deserved it. And when I called her on it she started crying (actual crying) about how I don't respect her or what she does.

This wasn't some random woman I had been dating for a month. We had been together for a year and a half and I was living with her.

No thanks.

Another question I have - if Onoes ex-wife can't provide food or health insurance for children in her care why does she even have them 50% of the time?

It sounds to me like Onoes should have >50% custody.

Noodleface_sl said:

Another question I have - if Onoes ex-wife can't provide food or health insurance for children in her care why does she even have them 50% of the time?

It sounds to me like Onoes should have >50% custody.

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Because Onoes will be required to pay her so that she can afford it.

Family Law isn't about who is more suited to be a parent. It's about using children as leverage to get money from the more well off parent.

Cad_sl said:

I'm not reading the wall of text to determine it, but what'd his divorce decree say about the house?

If he was awarded the house in the divorce, why didn't he refinance it? Usually they give a deadline by which they must happen in the order.

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I lol'd.

Oh wait, were you serious? Yea they didn't use any 'lawyers' apparently.

The concern here mostly I think is that your ex wife is not doing so well. You'll have to support her until she finds a husband.

I do mostly believe you onoes, but ten years is a long time... And you're looking at ten years from the kids. It's a long enough time that you might want a plan and arrangement a little more formal than some shit you wrote on a piece of looseleaf paper.

For them, her, AND you. Taking them to Disneyland is nice and all, it is, but food stamps dude. There might be other priorities here.

Khane_sl said:

Because Onoes will be required to pay her so that she can afford it.

Family Law isn't about who is more suited to be a parent. It's about using children as leverage to get money from the more well off parent.

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Exactly which is why this dude needs a lawyer today. A judge is going to look at this and go what the fuck this dude is making 100k+ and his ex wife has equal time with the kids and is on food stamps.

A judge will indeed look at this shit and declare it fucked up. Any reasonable person would. I mean cmon man, that disparity is retarded. Your ex wife doesn't have to be a goldigger, all she has to get is in a hole she cant get out of. It sorta sounds like she's digging herself one of those.

Pay now or pay later.

Picasso_sl said:

Where do you want him to come?

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And why does Khane want him to come on a man?

lindz_sl said:

Honestly a lot of you guys are probably very correct in stating that this was the wrong way to go about it because of emotional connections. It was honestly the easiest way for me to start thinking about it because flirting online is easy and the progression to texts and phone wasn't intimidating.

I'm going to keep an eye on the emotional crap over the next week and if it seems like it'll be a problem, I can always rearrange travel plans.

Maybe a random stranger may be a better idea down the road. This just felt safer though I know it poses another set of risks.

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Wait, were we supposed to be flirting with you? With Noodle shaking his thing all over all the time I am somewhat oblivious to any sort of subtlety.

Onoes, just visit a lawyer. If you work for a decently sized company that may even be a benefit you have ready to be used. You're already paying out a lot of money as is, just do this to cap it by making it formal. Things may be going well now, but you need that CYA in place for when things go bad. And they will, that's just the law of averages.