Marriage and the Power of Divorce

mkopec_sl said:

I know for certain that I do less at my $42/hr job than my wife does at her $16.hr job. Its not even close. For the most part, of course.

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Yeah, salary =! work ethic is always a topic which sticks in my craw. There are a myriad of factors which factor into salary and your excess/lack of it. I've worked in a distribution center stacking pallets of dog food and cat liter for 10 hours a day, making 15$/hour, working my literal ass off. I've also sat at a desk making 15$/hour, where my "workload" for the day was usually done within 2 hours, and the rest was spent on the internet. Now, there were days where something would be rushed and we'd be "busy" for a week or two, but for the most part, my work week typically consisted of 10-11 hours of actual "work". People who equate salary directly to work ethic usually think that the world exists in a vacuum.

mkopec_sl said:

But thats exactly what you are implying. So you paid for the vacation, but shes got to take care of everything leading up to it, while working as well? While you do what? Sit on your ass and bask in your glory? I dont get this type of mentality.

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No actually. I researched the destination, arranged pricing, booked all the flights, booked the hotels, planned activities, booked her a day at the resort spa in advance, and arranged a car to bring us to the airport..

Curious though.. If your girlfriend or wife offered to take you on a once in a lifetime luxury vacation wholly at her expense--something you would never to be able to afford on your own, with the only condition being that you handle tasks/errands relating to the trip, would that seem fair to you? Seems like a bloody fine deal to me..

Frenzied Wombat_sl said:

No actually. I researched the destination, arranged pricing, booked all the flights, booked the hotels, planned activities, booked her a day at the resort spa in advance, and arranged a car to bring us to the airport..

Curious though.. If your girlfriend or wife offered to take you on a once in a lifetime luxury vacation wholly at her expense--something you would never to be able to afford on your own, with the only condition being that you handle tasks/errands relating to the trip, would that seem fair to you? Seems like a bloody fine deal to me..

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I'd probably act exactly like your girlfriend did.

Trollface_sl said:

honest noob question. why do you deal with this when you can just end it.

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Numerous reasons, most of which aren't good ones to be honest. Basically my gripes all boil down to what I feel is a lack of responsibility/ability on her part-- I feel like I'm raising a child half the time. But on the flip-side she's got a male sense of humor (which I value highly) , is very attractive, doesn't always want to "go out" (a big issue with me since I'm mostly a homebody and there's nothing to do in Dallas anyways), doesn't care if I don't hang with her family/friends, is liberal, non-religious, and isn't a prude. Those are hard qualities to find in a woman, especially an attractive one, and especially in Texas.. It's reached the point where she knows that I won't marry her unless things change vis a vis my perception of her reliability/stability and that she's stuck in the GF zone, so sooner or later something is going to give..

mkopec_sl said:

So you dcided to lower yourself to spend a few hours on the intraweb?? Wow, she is so lucky to have you and serve you!!

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If you think I arranged a trip to Chiang Mai, Bangkok, and Koh Samui along with all associated hotels/resorts and transport using fucking Expedia.com then I would encourage you to travel more. I handled all that plus the payment.. It boggles my mind that you think that asking my GF to be responsible for errands pre-trip is somehow me subjugating her or something. You're right I should have taken care of all of the above, plus boarding the dog and calling the CC companies and buying travel toiletries at CVS while I let my GF suck on bon-bons.

Frenzied Wombat_sl said:

Numerous reasons, most of which aren't good ones to be honest. Basically my gripes all boil down to what I feel is a lack of responsibility/ability on her part-- I feel like I'm raising a child half the time. But on the flip-side she's got a male sense of humor (which I value highly) , is very attractive, doesn't always want to "go out" (a big issue with me since I'm mostly a homebody and there's nothing to do in Dallas anyways), doesn't care if I don't hang with her family/friends, is liberal, non-religious, and isn't a prude. Those are hard qualities to find in a woman, especially an attractive one, and especially in Texas.. It's reached the point where she knows that I won't marry her unless things change vis a vis my perception of her reliability/stability and that she's stuck in the GF zone, so sooner or later something is going to give..

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The court of public opinion will judge your decision if you would be so kind as to provide a picture of this ungrateful woman-child.

mkopec_sl said:

Well the point being that since I make more money than my wife, I somehow become the king that comes home, plops down on the couch or a video game, does nothing, expecting to get serviced and everything done by my wife, which also works, is obsurd.

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That's not really what Wombat or I am saying. I'm not asking to be catered to, I'm asking for my partner to consider our relationship as a whole and what each of us brings to the table. I'm not implying that I should be able to come home hand her my coat and hat and ask her to open a beer for me. I'm an adult, I will cook and pick up after myself, what I begrudge is a woman complaining that she is not appreciated when asked to go a little above and beyond. Where is the appreciation for the life I afford you? Where is the reciprocation? Why can't you do my laundry as well as yours the one time a week it requires doing? Why must you complain that everything at home should be a 50/50 split when everything else is not?

For all the men in here saying salary shouldn't play into things you're right. If I make 1.2 million a year and she makes 200k a year there should be no quarrel. That woman has defined herself and excelled at what she does. I have to ask myself why a woman is satisfied with a $16/hr job. The reason, more often than not, is because she has a man to take care of her. She doesn't need ambition. It's immature and an ancient line of thought. There is a serious double standard with this. It would be perfectly acceptable for a woman to tell a man she felt was not pulling his weight in the salary department to man up and do better for his family. It would be perfectly acceptable for a woman to leave a man over it. It's OK for a man to be expected to be a provider. It's not OK for a woman to be expected to be a caretaker.

Woman are empowered now, they can and do work. The problem is when they act like a high schooler working at K-Mart. "I got a job, I got a car, I'm impressive". No, you aren't. If you look around your place of employment and see nothing but losers and teenagers there is an issue. So many women will incite a riot over you pushing them to do better for themselves. Mkopec, honest question, why doesn't your wife have a better job? My assumption is complacency and apathy. Neither of which would be tolerated by her if the roles were reversed. So why should I tolerate a woman treating me like a safety net?

I see a lot of anecdotal evidence about people who work shit jobs working "harder" than their breadwinner partners. That is a ridiculous assumption. Serving coffee to strangers 8 hours a day is not harder than being an IT administrator. "But I'm on my feet all day long and I only get 30 minutes for lunch and one 15 minute break". That makes it tedious, not hard. How many of your wives are busting their ass landscaping 10 hours a day for $20/hr? How many of you men truly get to leave your job at the office and turn off the second you get in your car to go home?