Yeah bad wording. I didn't mean to make it sound as though I thought his wife was worthless. I directed a general question specifically at his wife. Not the intention. In broader terms, why don't most women try to find better jobs?
Why don't most people try to find better jobs? There's always ways to improve yourself, no matter what you make or what you do. But self improvement is one of the hardest things to consistently do. And yes, I realize the irony of post this while at work. Didn't say I was good at it...
As for women specifically, at this point you're into a whole myriad of cultural influences. But I will say that women tend to gravitate towards jobs that pay less. Teachers and cooks and dental assistants are dominated women. Even if I wanted to work in a daycare, I probably wouldn't because I'd probably be fired in a week for making a sexist remark.
That's why I said you have to forget the number. If you really want your spouse to earn more, that might mean pushing them into a career they are unhappy working. And that is not worth any amount of money. There are other ways for you to measure success and ambition. My wife wants to open a home daycare. A home business is not something I'd ever consider in my job, and she wants to staff it with little kids. That seems plenty ambitious for me. So when she asked if she could quit her job to focus on that, I said yes, requisite a few conditions that didn't happen
. But if they had, essentially me getting a pay bump at my new job, I would have had no problem with it.
Ahh see, that's exactly what I am getting at. I am not looking at just the money, I'm looking at the things the two of you help each other with. You see and appreciate your wife's ability to make your house feel like a home, something you know you can't or wouldn't do. That's a mutual respect. My problem is when a woman fails to see the things she would be without that you bring to the table and focuses on what's fair just because she works 40 hours a week too. And then cheats on her husband for 2 fucking years while she solidifies her ability to move to the next limb on the tree without having to climb down and start all over again. And on top of it all has the audacity to proclaim he doesn't appreciate her, when she herself does not appreciate him.
By the way I realize there are plenty of women out there who aren't like that. I've dated quite a few strong, independent women over the past two years. Problem is they are mostly really goddamn boring... So I guess I should point the finger at myself as well. I want to have my cake and eat it too, just like the women I've been bitching about the past 2 pages.
Honestly, joeboo's story just sounds like shitty people, that's all. The wife just happened to be making less money. I'm betting it's almost inconsequential to the result.
You're still using "what you bring to the table". It's not a healthy relationship if you have to even imply what her life would be like without you. Let me bold this for you
your salary is not part of the relationship. What you make and what she makes is influenced by so many different things outside of your control. If I decided to be a petroleum engineer, I could probably making double what I do now. Because oil rules! And I'm great with numbers, I have no doubt I could be at least a decent petroleum engineer. Why can't my wife hold that against me?
