Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Xarpolis

Xarpolis

Life's a Dream
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I'm trying not to make any excuses. I'm trying to lay down the facts as I see them. And it isn't that I'd be crushed by 24/7 medication for pain. I was on weekly injectable in PA for my RA called Orencia. It was great, but horribly fucked up my sperm. They actually tell you that if you ever PLAN on getting a partner pregnant, you not only have to stop the medication completely for at least 6 months, but you also need to take a secondary medication that's the oral version of a charcoal filter that will scrub the Orencia out of your system. Otherwise, babies have all kinds of horrible defects. Miss-shaped skulls, bone density deformations, additional arms or internal organs... It's a fucking disaster. But, it made me feel pretty good, all things considered. The start of my day (hour) was a little rough, but once I got moving, it was all smooth sailing from there, within reason. Some days I would ache all day regardless of what I took. Days with snow were like that, which is another thing that made PA less desirable. It snowed a little too much for my liking. Hardly Maine, but bad enough.

For my MS, I was on a daily pill called Aubagio. This was decent as well. I still had MS side effects and exacerbations, but they were manageable. Plus, my MRI's didn't show any real advancement in the disease. I've already got a huge plaque load and way too many lesions in my brain for comfort as is, so at least it was under control. I guess.

Fortunately, medical insurance covered these drugs to the point where my out of pocket investment was only an additional $100 a month. Not terrible by any stretch of the imagination.
 
Alex

Alex

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Are you worried about your future son? Because of the medication side effects?
 
Xarpolis

Xarpolis

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Nope. When I moved out here and stopped taking the pills, I also took the "scrubbing" treatment to make sure it was all out of my system. All of the Ultrasounds are also showing a healthy child, so no fear there.
 
Big_w_powah

Big_w_powah

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Cad said:
So uhh... I'd put family time before birds and chickens, man. If thats all thats holding you up.
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Let me reiterate; My family is fine (according to them) with the situation because they have each other, and know I am doing what I have to to provide.

Its me that's having the issue, and I don't want to get rid of animals that have proven EXTREMELY therapeutic to my kids (both of them come from VERY hard places. AKA bullshit situations like foster care and abusive backgrounds) because I am having a tough time not seeing them.
 
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Cad

Cad

scientia potentia est
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Big_w_powah said:
Let me reiterate; My family is fine (according to them) with the situation because they have each other, and know I am doing what I have to to provide.

Its me that's having the issue, and I don't want to get rid of animals that have proven EXTREMELY therapeutic to my kids (both of them come from VERY hard places. AKA bullshit situations like foster care and abusive backgrounds) because I am having a tough time not seeing them.
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Hmm, well, ok. Seems relatively random but I take your word for it, you're involved. The fact that you're putting a lot of thought into whats best for your kids and not just doing whatever is easiest/cheapest for you puts you ahead of most parents man, props.
 
Big_w_powah

Big_w_powah

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Cad said:
Hmm, well, ok. Seems relatively random but I take your word for it, you're involved. The fact that you're putting a lot of thought into whats best for your kids and not just doing whatever is easiest/cheapest for you puts you ahead of most parents man, props.
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I thank you for that.

As for the randomness; The birds are a parrot and a cockatoo. They will "talk" with my oldest. This allows him to talk to living beings, that respond, with zero judgement. They also feed off of his energy and will help him realize his own emotions. Many times I'll find him chilling in the shed with two birds crawling in his lap, squaking happily at him no matter what he says, as long as he is calm.

The chickens pretty much do the same for my youngest. Judgement free love, reaction to his emotions before he realizes what they are, etc...Plus being responsible for taking care of them helps him realize what a good caretaker/parent figure actually is....Man I'd kill the whore that pushed him out of her vagina..

Theres security footage of bio Mom liaterally going UFC on him as a 5 year old. Slamming him on the ground and going to ground and pound town.


As a note: Dogs fucking suck for that kind of therapy. Dogs are goddamn horrible judges. You can kick the shit out of a dog and the dog will beg for your forgiveness.
 
Tarrant

Tarrant

<Prior Amod>
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Noodleface said:
One thing that bothered me - at this point no job should be beneath you.

Additionally If you ever need a resume critique you can take out your name and people can look at it here.
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That first part is what rang out to me too. Shit I remember at one point I was working two jobs. Taco Bell and the Wendy's next door to it.

When it comes to supporting family I'll do whatever it takes. Nothing is beneath me when it comes to making sure everyone is taken care of.
 
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P

Picasso3

Silver Baronet of the Realm
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i dont know how to do the transparent edges boss

Please+boss+don+t+put+that+thing+over+my+face+don+t+_64e44232432889d43e48cfe562e266f7.jpg
 
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Xarpolis

Xarpolis

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I have no experience at all with photoshop, but I do know they have a transparency setting that allows you to start off a project with a transparent background, then building from there to make your picture.
 
Control

Control

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Xarpolis said:
So after reading all of your opinions on the situation this morning, you've given me a different perspective. I've known that I haven't been pulling my weight, financially, but at the very least, I am an excellent father. My wife has told me as much.
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You said your wife is Japanese right or at least that she moved here from Japan? I feel like this HAS to be something you already know, but just in case... It maybe a bit stereotypical, but I'll go out on a limb and say she doesn't actually think a "good father" is someone who's great at taking care of the kids and cooking. I mean, expecting the dad to be the breadwinner is pretty universal, but in Japan, where a guy is defined by his job/company? Imo, none of the other stuff actually matters, she's lost respect for you because you aren't providing. That doesn't mean it's easy to fix, but trying to fix it by doing more chores is exactly the opposite of what will help the problem. If you want to save your marriage, fuck your pride, go get 2 minimum wage jobs, and be the best minimum wage employee ever until you upgrade.
 
Xarpolis

Xarpolis

Life's a Dream
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Control said:
You said your wife is Japanese right or at least that she moved here from Japan? I feel like this HAS to be something you already know, but just in case... It maybe a bit stereotypical, but I'll go out on a limb and say she doesn't actually think a "good father" is someone who's great at taking care of the kids and cooking. I mean, expecting the dad to be the breadwinner is pretty universal, but in Japan, where a guy is defined by his job/company? Imo, none of the other stuff actually matters, she's lost respect for you because you aren't providing. That doesn't mean it's easy to fix, but trying to fix it by doing more chores is exactly the opposite of what will help the problem. If you want to save your marriage, fuck your pride, go get 2 minimum wage jobs, and be the best minimum wage employee ever until you upgrade.
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I understand where you're coming from. Culturally, that's the way Japan tends to be. However, her father is disabled. He works for the government in some capacity, but isn't the bread winner of their household. In fact, he doesn't really do much for them, except allows free access to his and her mom's credit card. Anything they want will be taken care of (by her mother in most cases).

She told me that they were not putting any pressure on her about me. Just asking if I had found work yet. She believes her entire set of feelings are a direct result of the hormones from pregnancy. Also interpreting what other people say about anything when that isn't their intention. But she was sad about the idea of not having me in her life, so she has changed her mind. Fortunately. I'm not going to take advantage of it.
 
Arative

Arative

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Pregnancy hormones are a bitch but probably magnified the thoughts and feelings that are there. In Missouri they don't let you get divorced if you are pregnant.
 
mkopec

mkopec

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Xequecal said:
Seven sixteen hour days in a row? That's absolutely fucking ridiculous. Like that is just completely beyond the pale, neither I or anyone I know would ever put up with being expected to work 112-hour weeks.

How is it even legal for you to only get double time for the last day? This has to be a technically salaried job that they're just choosing to pay overtime for.
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I did 2 back to back 96 hour weeks in my 20s when we were launching ford hn-80 heavy truck. And this was wrapped around numerous 70+ hour weeks. Probably like 9 months of those 60+ hours. Youre young, hungry, for that cash. And yes this was hourly, my checks were fat, I bought a brand new 96 trans am that summer and a house the next year. All throughout my 20s I worked like this, at minimum 56 hour weeks. I was pulling in 6 digits per year in my early 20s, it was crazy! Its how the industry was back then. The job shops were getting paid hourly ($100-$120/hr for you and equipment and average hourly rate at the time was like $25-$35) from the big 3 so they made sure you were there as long as possible. so it made sense to staff the projects with as many people as possible and have them work as long as possible. This all changed in the early 2000s when they changed from time and materials model to more of a bid on contract model. So we saw head count drop and hours drop of course. But by that time I was in my 30s with family and getting paid a lot more, I could not give a shit.

Example from those days to today: That Ford HN-80 was staffed with like 100 engineers and 200 cad designers. We did the entire cab, sheetmetal, interior plastic and we also had a separate group doing the sleeper cab configurations. These days that same project would probably be done with 50 or so people. Of course there was advancements in CAD software too though. The palce I work at now, we do cockpit modules for Nissan, and our typical group for an entire CPM is only like 5-8 CAD people and 8-10 engineers. Thats the entire instrument panel and console. Back in those days a CPM would be an entire group of 20 designers and 20 engineers. shit the last project we ha was the Maxima, and I designed the entire console by myself. A system of 20 parts, including leather wrapped lid.

But these days? I chose a job that was a few bucks less /hour (salary) with great benefits, about 10 min from my house and no OT at all. Yes sometimes we have to step up and work more during crunch times, but I just take the laptop home and do the shit at my own leisure with my skimpies on. most weeks its hard to even break 35 hours. I get about a month of PTO and vacation time too which is also nice plus the 14 days paid holiday time off. They also match my 401K up to 8%. But this is again, with having about 25 years of experience in my industry. Back then I was a 20 something noob, trying to soak up all the knowledge that I could and do the most to further my career.
 
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Alex

Alex

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Arative said:
Pregnancy hormones are a bitch but probably magnified the thoughts and feelings that are there. In Missouri they don't let you get divorced if you are pregnant.
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Isn't that more related to paternity tests?
 
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