Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Khane · May 7, 2018

Well it's annoying when someone says "We need to be somewhere by this time" and then flakes out. But everything else about that story is just... what?

6 dates, so like 2-3 weeks? You don't want to admit you're wrong because you don't want her to lose respect for you but then you cry when she tells you it isn't gonna work out? You don't know if you should move on? That's a pretty weird and creepy thing to say bud. It was only 6 dates. I personally, and I think most other people, first would have confirmed what time to come over. Either the night before or the next morning. I certainly wouldn't have just driven over there.

I probably would have sarcastically thanked her for flaking out and said "Good luck to you" but I'm also kind of a prick. There's probably a happy medium somewhere in between that and how you behaved.

Voyce · May 7, 2018

I realize I needed to get that off my chest...my friends aren't in town right now.

The heart wants what it wants, but the brain keeps you in the game.

If she wants me in her life she will contact me.

Voyce · May 7, 2018

Khane said:
Well it's annoying when someone says "We need to be somewhere by this time" and then flakes out. But everything else about that story is just... what?

6 dates, so like 2-3 weeks? You don't want to admit you're wrong because you don't want her to lose respect for you but then you cry when she tells you it isn't gonna work out? You don't know if you should move on? That's a pretty weird and creepy thing to say bud. It was only 6 dates. I personally, and I think most other people, first would have confirmed what time to come over. Either the night before or the next morning. I certainly wouldn't have just driven over there.

I probably would have sarcastically thanked her for flaking out and said "Good luck to you" but I'm also kind of a prick. There's probably a happy medium somewhere in between that and how you behaved.

Yeah I might've got caught up in the moment. It's been a while since I felt this way...I think I forgot myself. Also to be clear I shed a tear or two...

You're right also I should have asked when, I forgot to, shes usually up early. it's probably my fault. I fucked it up.

I probably would have sarcastically thanked her for flaking out and said "Good luck to you" but I'm also kind of a prick. There's probably a happy medium somewhere in between that and how you behaved.[/QUOTE]

She told me to have a nice day.

I told her to have a nice life

Phazael · May 7, 2018

I think you over-reacted, but she set off some odd red flags there so you are likely better off.

I get not wanting to admit fault, but a simple "I am sorry I didn't communicate more clearly about this." might have worked better to salvage your pride and calm her down. But it sure seems like there was something else going on there, especially with her getting pissy about you turning up unannounced when you had (presumably) already doinked her a couple times. As Khane said, its better to spot these red flags and bail early, before you are too invested to cut bait, especially if breaking it off after six dates had that effect on you.

McCheese · May 7, 2018

What time did you go to her place? If you got there at like 11:30 or something and she flipped out, that seems weird. That's a reasonable time.

If you showed up at like 8am, then I think that's kind of weird and creepy.

Voyce · May 7, 2018

Khane said:
Well it's annoying when someone says "We need to be somewhere by this time" and then flakes out. But everything else about that story is just... what?

6 dates, so like 2-3 weeks? You don't want to admit you're wrong because you don't want her to lose respect for you but then you cry when she tells you it isn't gonna work out? You don't know if you should move on? That's a pretty weird and creepy thing to say bud. It was only 6 dates. I personally, and I think most other people, first would have confirmed what time to come over. Either the night before or the next morning. I certainly wouldn't have just driven over there.

I probably would have sarcastically thanked her for flaking out and said "Good luck to you" but I'm also kind of a prick. There's probably a happy medium somewhere in between that and how you behaved.

McCheese said:
What time did you go to her place? If you got there at like 11:30 or something and she flipped out, that seems weird. That's a reasonable time.

If you showed up at like 8am, then I think that's kind of weird and creepy.

I messaged her at 9:40, I got there at about 10:20.

maybe that was to early? I figured I would get dressed there, she had to bake and got to the gym and get dressed, I figured she would have to be up and I could give her a hand with things. Basically I figured if I was coming to early she would have texted me to slow my roll, I really didn't expect her to be asleep still. I suppose I was wrong. Honestly its been a decade since I felt this way about anyone, but it was probably bound to get fucked up, to much to quick.

I said I'm sorry, I told her that it wasn't trying to show up at the wrong time, and I had no intention of coming in her words "unnanounced"

Cad · May 7, 2018

Voyce said:
Met this chick on Tinder, we had great chemistry. Was going to meet her this Saturday for a Dirby party for our 7th date, she said we had to be there by 1. She said I should come over abd we'd leave together, she didn't tell me what time to come over. We talked the night before, morning of I was getting ready and I sent her a message said I was headed over. Takes about 40 minutes to get to her place. I got there and she wasn't awake, I called her and she comes down stairs and she's pissed, because I didn't wait until she responded. Brings me to her room, goes to shower, hides her body from me, even though she always let me see her naked in the past. Sends me out while she does whatever. Calls me back to talk, wants me to apologize and accept that I'm wrong, I try to explain to her my thinking and that there's no way we were getting to this thing at 1. Etc...I don't want to admit I'm wrong I feel like she'll lose respect for me abd think I was being clingy and or trying to spy on her. She says I came "unannounced", even though I texted her beforehand and the drive takes 45 minutes, and she never told me when to come over. We both agreed that she told me she was going to be busy, but she had actually overslept it wasn't like she was on schedule... She goes "I don't think this will work out" , with tears in my eyes say that I agree and I walk out.

Did I fuck up and invade her privacy?

Should I have just apoplogized and made to feel like I was being the clingy weirdo and she'd probably have lost respect for me?

Do I wait and see if she texts me, do I text her.

If she really likes me, won't she text me?

My heart hurts, but my brain says to wait.

Really liked her, I don't have a problem being wrong, I just don't want to be painted in a corner that isn't me.

I'm an attractive guy, I get a lot of attention, I'm a smart dresser, I'm well equipped, its not like I can't move on. I just don't know if I should.

Sounds like she’s unbalanced to me. Coming over because you said you were leaving together with 45 minutes notice is plenty to me. She may be scarred by guys coming over unannounced in the past? Maybe to check on her? She may have a guilty conscience because she cheated on guys in the past and they caught her by coming over unannounced?

All speculation, but thats an insane reaction to you coming over when you both agreed you should come over but a time wasn’t specified. She owes you an apology not the reverse.

Voyce · May 7, 2018

Cad said:
Sounds like she’s unbalanced to me. Coming over because you said you were leaving together with 45 minutes notice is plenty to me. She may be scarred by guys coming over unannounced in the past? Maybe to check on her? She may have a guilty conscience because she cheated on guys in the past and they caught her by coming over unannounced?

All speculation, but thats an insane reaction to you coming over when you both agreed you should come over but a time wasn’t specified. She owes you an apology not the reverse.

thanks man, I kinda needed that right now

apex · May 7, 2018

If she is going to flip her shit over something stupid like this then that is a strong indication that there is a plethora of more stupid shit.

Huge red flag and better now than way later.

Srathor · May 7, 2018

Make nice, keep looking for an upgrade. Maybe with a friend of hers that she envies?

Voyce · May 7, 2018

I'm just going to center myself this week maybe consider the other Tinder matches I've been ignoring.

Big Phoenix · May 7, 2018

TJT said:
Yeah I love me some crazy. I'd go for it. Wouldn't be the first time.

Well seeing as how she ignored my message on Friday about doing something, i think it's sage to say this woman is the bad kind of crazy.

I removed her from FB. She could come into my office and bend over my desk and I'd tell her to fuck off, not worthscrewing and with a coworker this nutty.

TJT · May 7, 2018

Big Phoenix said:
Well seeing as how she ignored my message on Friday about doing something, i think it's sage to say this woman is the bad kind of crazy.

I removed her from FB. She could come into my office and bend over my desk and I'd tell her to fuck off, not worthscrewing and with a coworker this nutty.

Nah bro. The Potato Farmer is right. You have an image and something in her handwriting with her detailing that she hopes you don't think you've been sexually harassed. Don't throw it away.

Golden fucking ticket.

Nothing surpasses crazy sex. Absolutely nothing. I never learn my lesson about it.

Noodleface · May 7, 2018

Voyce bro

While.she was nutty what you did was kind of weird too. 6 dates she probably isn't cool with you just showing up whenever. I would never presume to go to someone's house that early without clear plans

Cad · May 7, 2018

Noodleface said:
Voyce bro

While.she was nutty what you did was kind of weird too. 6 dates she probably isn't cool with you just showing up whenever. I would never presume to go to someone's house that early without clear plans

What the fuck dude she literally told him to come over the next day

Noodleface · May 7, 2018

Cad said:
What the fuck dude she literally told him to come over the next day

Yeah she's weird man but I don't go somewhere unless someone tells.me a when

Pops · May 7, 2018

Big Phoenix said:
That was me spiking the conversation. Red flags where piling up with her.

Khane · May 7, 2018

Saying "We can meet at my place before we leave" and not setting a time is not an open invitation to just show up 2 hours and 40 minutes earlier than the time of the event without confirmation. He went over the "too much too soon" line there and I think he knows it by saying "I didn't want to admit I was wrong". So he knew he bungled it he just didn't want to admit it.

I figured I would get dressed there, she had to bake and got to the gym and get dressed, I figured she would have to be up and I could give her a hand with things. Basically I figured if I was coming to early she would have texted me to slow my roll, I really didn't expect her to be asleep still.

So showing up early to help her bake and then sit in her apartment while she goes to the gym and then gets ready when NONE of that was discussed.... after 6 dates? Nah. I mean... you figured you would get dressed there? Huh?

There's no reason to make all the assumptions he made in that previous quote. Just confirm what time you should meet and if she doesn't respond then c'est la vie. Trying to read a woman's mind (even though we all know that's what they try to make us do) is a fool's errand. I can understand trying to show our forum bro a little solidarity since he's bummed about it all but I would recommend in his future endeavors not doing any of that.

Voyce · May 7, 2018

My thoughts were that I get there 10:30 she's already worked out, she's probably setting up her baking I put the wine in the fridge, she puts the thing that she's baking in the oven. We get dressed it's probably 11:30, she gets the thing out of the oven we put everything in the car it's around 12:00 PM, we have to be there at 1 PM, if we leave at 12:30 then we really only have half an hour of leeway. I figure if I'm there I can help her with stuff, instead of just showing up at the last second?

I just would rather be wrong and happy, that's all I meant. I just wanted her to understand, what I was doing. I've slept at her place several times, I know when she get's up.... I dunno man

I just feel like shit, I really just wanted to spend the day with her, I didn't care if it was 1 pm, or 10 pm, or whatever, had she told me a time, that's the time I would have come.

By the time we were arguing it was 12:20 she hadn't even put the things in the oven, or finished preparing them. Assuming she went there anyway she probably got there at 2:30 or 3...

Khane · May 7, 2018

The assumptions you made are the kind of assumptions that people who've been dating for like 6 months make. Not 2-3 weeks. That's my point. You can blame her for not setting a hard time but neither did you, except she wasn't the one who just decided what time was right and showed up at your door. It's pretty jarring to have someone show up earlier than expected, I think we've all experienced that even with just regular company. Being woken up on top of that is especially jarring.

I don't think you're some psycho weirdo or anything I'm just saying don't rely on someone else to tell you to slow your roll. That early in a relationship it's always better to just make solid plans. Neither one of you really know each other very well so making assumptions is probably not going to end well.

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