I get it but you're lying to yourself if you think the kids would have suffered equally either way. 50/50 custody means 50% of the time you are not around to counter your wife's toxic influence on your children. 50/50 custody means your daughter gets to now witness her mom being a leeching slut, and your son the sadness/conflict that comes from the desire to love his mom, but the anger/confusion of seeing her with other men. Ultimately, your happiness is also important, and the question arises whether you need to martyr yourself for the sake of your children's future mental health.
I mean really it comes down to the gamble of whether your nasty divorce will turn your kids into fucked up adults rather than semi well-adjusted ones, the consequences of which you'll feel well into your golden years if true.
I know a dude whose wife is a crazy alcoholic and he's miserable, but he refuses to divorce her because he's too afraid of how she'll be with the kids if he isn't around to intervene.
So what do you do when she's garbage with you too?
Let's go over the last month before my separation.
She says she's going to her mother's for the weekend, leaves me home with the kids. Then spends the weekend in a hotel room with her new human garbage boyfriend. Insists that she didn't lie to me because she *intended* on going to her mother's. Then, refuses to move out because "it's her house too."
Then, her grandmother who raised her is given a couple weeks tops to live. She gets critical care leave from work to spend it with her. Tells me she's going over there, I ask how her grandmother is when she returns and she replies that she never made it there, she fell asleep at her human garbage boyfriend's house instead. Insurance fraud on top of being a compassionless piece of shit? Nice. I don't know whether this reflects worse on the whore, or the guy who knows how much the whore claims to love her grandmother and still can't help but get his dick wet anyway.
I take her down to the Mayo to help treat what eventually would be diagnosed as bladder cancer. I am repaid by her spending the night with her human garbage boyfriend and her essentially doing the walk of shame in front of her kids, and telling me that she doesn't have to do what I ask.
So, I guess you can be a cuck and sit around and take that shit, sure. I guess your kids can see their mom whoring it up at home, or somewhere else. But the reality is I gave enough. I tried hard enough. I walk out of this with a clear conscience that I did everything I fucking could to save this and save the household for my kids. Maybe I let I go on to long, but at least no one can say I didn't give it my all.
So now, yeah, I may not be in the same place to counter that, but I do counterbalance it by providing a stable household that the kids feel safe in, and are treated well. The youngest doesn't know what's going on yet, but the oldest knows her mom is paying for a roof over her head with sex, and her mom chose a dickless loser who will do anything she asks over me, who only ever asked to be respected in my own house. She also told me "I'm not sure what bothers me more - the fact that mom changed so much, or the possibility that she hasn't."
I don't know how shit will fall for the 7 year old. But my 17 year old learned a fuckload of life lessons this last year, shit she will remember for a very long time.