Marriage and the Power of Divorce

There's nothing practical about love.

And it can fade. And it takes 2 people dedicated to trying to prevent it from doing so. And even then it takes luck. End of the day there's nothing practical about marriage. But end of the day, you meet the right woman, and you'll want to be married to her all the same. I wouldn't believe it either if I'd never met a woman that did that to me. It seems to be a rare thing.

lurkingdirk said:

I'm sorry, man. This makes me sad. Not all marriages are equal, and I would recommend marriage to everyone. I'm not trying to be a dick, nor say my life is better than yours, I merely see such a huge advantage to having a life partner that I can't set that aside to see the negatives. I know I'm lucky and all that. But there are really good things about being married, too.

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There have been benefits sometimes. But not lately. In the end who cares.

Frenzied Wombat said:

Textbook narcissist it sounds like.. The open marriage works if you can both decide to be civil and keep your respective side pieces private, but your wife just sounds toxic. One of your kids is old enough to understand and deal with it, thankfully.

I'm so happy I'm not married, and it's for reasons like this which are legion. I only wish American men would go on a marriage strike so we could get some traction against this insanity. I've asked countless men what the practical reason for getting married today is, since you can bang all you want and American women are next to fucking useless and mostly emotional children. No guy can give me any good, practical reason. Not one.

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It doesn't sound like you are in any danger of accidentally marrying anyone so it's a good thing you are "so happy."

I'd tell you why I got married but it doesn't sound like you want (or perhaps lack the capacity) to understand. It had nothing to do with sex or "practicality."

a_skeleton_03 said:

We are married 19 years today and love her just as much as our first year.

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gaaaaaaaaaay

Noodleface said:

I have never been able to get my wife to orgasm (she says she's never in her life been able to). That probably plays some part. I can t imagine fucking her until she was physically unable to anymore though. First of.all that sounds like a long session..

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I'm curious about this situation. So I'm wondering about the opposite, Has she ever or does she know how to just drive you out of your mind with crazy good sex?

She knows how to turn me on and does really kinky shit and even let's me live out some fantasies , but she's never like fucked my dick off or anything. I'm definitely the pounder during the act. We use the vibrator and she gets extremely close but says "it's too intense". I feel like she needs a masturbation coach because I can't imagine what a female orgasm feels like. I feel like she's holding back but who knows. I can't do it for her.

She used to do crazy shit when we were dating like tell me to go down random streets on the way home and then just start sucking my dick when I drove or she'd fuck me in the sunroom while her parents watched TV in the adjacent room with both doors open. Or the time she made me fuck her in front of the window so everyone could see if they looked.

She sucks dick like a porn star but she does not fuck like one unless I do it

The older you get and the longer you stay single the harder it is to buy into the idea of marriage. You can pretend that at 36 years old it's still possible for me to be hopelessly romantic or idealistic about love and relationships but I've been in too many and have built so much of a life for myself, by myself, that the idea of someone being able to rip it away from me because we fell out of love is a complete non-starter.

You can pretend you just picked right because you're the smartest guy in the room but you can't possibly know. People change, sometimes drastically and you can't be sure. So the more you have to lose the harder it becomes to take a leap of faith. Marriage is one of the biggest decisions you could ever make, yet we are meant to choose who we go down that path with in a completely sentimental, frivolous way. And if we can't bring ourselves to do that we're just sad, lonely people (hah).

The way I look at marriage has nothing to do with my views on love or women in general and everything to do with how fucked up family law and divorce is in the United States. The name of the thread is Marriage and the Power of Divorce. Well.... that's the power of divorce. Marriage is a young man's game and I'm starting to get old.

Khane would you feel differently about marriage if you had an air-tight pre-nup you could fall back on if things went south?

Volto! said:

Khane would you feel differently about marriage if you had an air-tight pre-nup you could fall back on if things went south?

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No, I'm a lost cause at this point. I don't think I would even want to co-habitate these days. I've gotten used to, and grown to very much like, my freedom. But that's less about marriage and more about relationships in general.

I don't really care if people buy into marriage or not. It just cracks me up when I see guys trying to tout some class action marriage strike "Let's do it men! Lets not get married together!" To me it just sounds like "validate my unhappy life please!"

Soygen said:

I mean, Noodle says he doesn't recommend marriage and pretty much EVERYONE in this thread recommended he NOT marry this girl back when they were dating. Can't stop people from making bad decisions. I've been with my fiance for over 6 years now. Marriage is planned for next October(2020). If she changes drastically at this point, I'll just kill her.

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That shot from breaking bad doesn't really work. You'll need to cross state lines. And remeber, dig deep.

Or wait you're in florida. Find alligators. Find alligators.

Re: libidos or lack thereof

This actually correlates with that article posted about how guys prefer banging crazies. Anecdotes being anecdotes, I can't say that I've ever met a well-adjusted horndog. I certainly wasn't one. The seesaw of mismatched libido in our relationship was related directly to whatever personal shit we were going through (alone, personally, or together as a couple). Women are probably much more susceptible to being affected by it than men.

Gonna be entirely frank with you. If every time you have sex with her it is a multi-orgasmic, long ass session, you're asking for a lot of time investment. I don't know how busy your wife is or what her responsibilities at home are, but if she's got a full plate that may have something to do with it. You don't want to be the guy who is drilling his wife 45 minutes in while she wonders to herself how many more orgasms she's got to have (or fake) before she can get up and make that phone call or get dinner startered.

I can say without artifice that after 12-13 years our sex life hasn't been better. Are we having less sex? Absolutely. We had a real blow-up argument early, about 6 years in, where he was the one that said our sex life became 'standardized' because I expected us to have sex almost every day. Deep down I agreed with him but I still freaked out because I thought a man asking for less sex was antithesis to a healthy relationship, but he had a point. If you're just going through the motions because you think that's what's expected of you, it takes all the spontaneity and most of the fun out of it. It became scheduled. When we backed off from it and started becoming more honest about what we wanted out of each other, things improved. Quality > quantity.

It sounds like your wife is shy. It's hard to be utterly honest about this kind of stuff, for a lot of women, and for a myriad of reasons, but personal hangups have a lot to do with it. It may boil down to something so simple as her feeling foolish talking that way, or thinking she sounds silly expressing herself in a sexual manner. Maybe she has low physical self-esteem and is embarassed by how she looks, or about exposing herself with sex activities that blatantly put her physical flaws 'on display.' It's not your job to take that angst away from her, but a well-placed compliment here and there could go a long way in upping her confidence, if you think that may be having something to do with it.

Is true spontaneity out of the question? I myself have been working up the courage to say that sex doesn't always have to be a flawless performance on his end. I'd like it if he didn't always have to initiate sex with the mental barrier in place that "I have to last X time" or "It's only good if she orgasms." Sometimes you just want to go to town, and not have the joint expectation of -my- orgasm having its effect on his stroke game. Mind you I'm 100% comfortable with him and our sex life, but even I still need to do things like 'work up courage' or wait for the proper time to bring it up. My hang-up and not his, but still something I gotta work towards after 13 years. I'm not afraid of rejection, it literally boils down to not knowing how to phrase it without sounding silly. "Sometimes I just want to get fucked" is hard to phrase nicely. It's possible your wife is the same way, or has things she wants to say or ask for, but just doesn't know how to do it. Again, not your job to take that away from her, but something to keep in mind. You sound like you put a big emphasis on your performance, but maybe she'd respond better if it didn't feel quite so...controlled? I don't mean go Rape Fantasy on her, I mean to say that she'd probably like to see she's capable of making you feel good, too.

Horny girls don't really have that hang-up. Enough liquor or crazy in them and they'll blurt out whatever comes to mind, and dudes like that. It's a refreshing kind of physical honesty that a lot of women have a hard time with.

Jackie Treehorn said:

Practical reason for getting married? I dunno, but I personally want to be committed to someone and they to me. No poly shit, no casual sex forever.

Saying things like “American women are useless” is silly.

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You should be able to cite a practical reason for getting married, because you can technically love, cohabitate, and even have children without getting married and sucked into essentially a one-sided contract.

As for American women being "useless", it's a generalization but it's mostly true. Try dating some East European or Asian chicks for comparison and the difference is striking. I'm seeing some chick that moved from Cambodia when she was 16 and she's a a skilled machine compared to your average US broad.

a_skeleton_03 said:

We are married 19 years today and love her just as much as our first year.

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The main demographic I see today outwardly happy about their marriage are religious people, typically mormons and orthodox jews.

alavaz said:

It doesn't sound like you are in any danger of accidentally marrying anyone so it's a good thing you are "so happy."

I'd tell you why I got married but it doesn't sound like you want (or perhaps lack the capacity) to understand. It had nothing to do with sex or "practicality."

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Yawn. You might not get married due to practical reasons, but if you can't list one practical benefit of being married, or all those benefits lie with your spouse, then you're just being conned. Glad it's working out for you though, really I am.

Khane said:

No, I'm a lost cause at this point. I don't think I would even want to co-habitate these days. I've gotten used to, and grown to very much like, my freedom. But that's less about marriage and more about relationships in general.

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Yeah, I think the longer you live alone, the harder it gets to modify one's schedule/routine that has been developed over the years to accomodate someone else. Co-habitation and marriage require major compromise and changes to routine, ad when you have the same Freedom Routine that you've repeated for decades, modifying it for someone else becomes hard-- anxiety inducing even.

Frenzied Wombat said:

Yeah, I think the longer you live alone, the harder it gets to modify one's schedule/routine that has been developed over the years to accomodate someone else. Co-habitation and marriage require major compromise and changes to routine, ad when you have the same Freedom Routine that you've repeated for decades, modifying it for someone else becomes hard-- anxiety inducing even.

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And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.. at all. Khane, go with god and do god's work. I have nothing but respect because you absolutely know you and have no qualms with who you are. I think this notion that everyone should get married is detrimental. No... no you shouldn't. I personally did because being in a relationship brings a stability that I personally need. Even with the bumps (sex woes included) it's still way better than facing life alone.

Zaara those are very valid points and yes that's why I refuse to make this a battle, because people just are wired differently and I know this. Doesn't make it suck any less, but it's just a fact in life. But I do argue that while yes quality is always better than quantity, if shit takes months to build up to having quality, something needs to give. I don't need mind blowing porn sex every single time, but to go 6 months in between anything more than a quickie is way too long of a drought. As you said, it's a two way road, and all I can do is focus on myself and do all I can to not make it an impediment to everything else which is really good. As long as she understands that I'm just going to get visibly frustrated about it from time to time it's cool, and for the most part she is.