Marriage and the Power of Divorce

3301 · Feb 16, 2019

Chanur said:
Yup one of these days the cops will arrest you for these calls. Or she will get herself some bruises and it will get you arrested.

I need a livestreaming bodycam.

Cutlery · Feb 16, 2019

mcdj22 said:
I need a livestreaming bodycam.

No, what you need is to stop acting like an idiot. You don't fucking get it.

Your evidence you have now is not gonna save you from a weekend in jail. Then, if you get arrested for a domestic, you're gonna get a no contact order put on you and you won't be able to talk to her, your kids, or go to your own fucking house. Then you're gonna pay thousands in legal fees fighting that shit. And if she's smart, she's gonna use your arrest record against you, file for divorce and say you're abusive, in which case even in no fault states, the judge has discretion in awarding her 100% of the property and custody ass fucking you for the next 17 years and making sure you never see your fucking kids again. And you're gonna spend 10-20k more fighting that.

Stop being a fucking idiot and move the fuck out, file for divorce, and if you believe the kids are being mistreated, file for a protective order for emergency custody of them. This isn't a fucking joke dude. It can and does happen every single day.

Frenzied Wombat · Feb 16, 2019

mcjd22 you better start documenting all your wife's shit or you're gonna get mightily fucked. Even on an equal playing field with you behaving, the cards are stacked against you in divorce/custody, and it sounds like you're honestly setting yourself up to fail. If you have any interest in being part of your children's lives and not seeing them turn into criminal psychopaths due to your wife's influence, shape up quick.

iannis · Feb 16, 2019

Run, don't walk.

Of course you're going to stay emotionally invested in this disaster and get bent over because the law expects you to be more reasonable than her. You'll then blame the law. You can avoid it by emotionally detaching from your wife.

You're supposed to do that in a divorce. Stop trying to prove to her you're better than she is. Just stop it. She's never given you that and she's not going to start now.

Find a cheap rental and move out. That will immediately solve 75% of your problems. That 25% are the ones you need to worry about.

Hosix · Feb 16, 2019

mcdj22 said:
This dumb bitch. She's called 911 twice so far, first time lying about being hurt, police showed up and are like uh wtf are you talking about lady, there's not a single mark anywhere on you despite your claim he left marks on you. Second time, we had an argument about her not cleaning up after her dog (literally piss and shit everywhere) and she told them "he raised his voice." Cops are like sir, we are so sorry to have to barge into your home, but we have to respond to any calls we get, but we of course can't tell you that you can't have an argument or raise your voice in your own home.

I took back the minivan I bought for her, it was filthy everywhere and not just from the girls. Half eaten sandwiches that had petrified, petrified orange peels stuck to the floor, driver/passenger area literally covered in spilled soda and redbull and trash, peanuts fucking everywhere, stuck in every little crevice, cup holders filled with something that resembled plaster, and it reeked of cigarette smoke despite the kids riding in it daily. The car I was driving, which was her old car, was spotless. Van's in my name, her car is in hers. Didn't trust her to not fuck up the van and try and take her car back from me, so preempted that bullshit. She came out one morning to a steering wheel lock on the van, and lol, got in and tried to drive it before she realized that was going to be impossible. I cleaned the shit out of the van, got rid of the smoke smell, it looks and smells almost brand new on the inside now. Took pictures of her car after less than a month of her driving it. It's full of garbage, reeks of cigarettes, oh and did I mention the 1 year old that has asthma? Or at least, will have asthma, right now it's "reactive airway" because she's too young for the Dr to classify it as asthma. 2x-3x daily nebs, singulair, is always sick, she smoked cigarettes and weed the entire pregnancy too, even tested positive for opiates during her pregnancy drug screen.

Still hasn't paid the deductible, wants me to sign a document so she can take money out of her 401k because she has "no money, can't pay the bills, the mortgage, or buy food for the girls to eat." Yet they are out to eat 5/7 days of the week, there's a constant stream of new purchases the girls are showing me, just signed them up for martial arts lessons, leaves every light on in the house that she can, TV is always on when they aren't here, fans in the bathrooms running sucking out all the heated air, has the nerve to accuse me of making the gas and electric bill so high.

But yeah I'm the bad guy. Literally, fuck you all.

If you love your kids? Leave this situation and get a divorce lawyer. Get this ball rolling.

If you wish to be miserable? Please stay. But as someone above posted? Please live stream so we can see the fun.

3301 · Feb 16, 2019

I’m not staying because I enjoy this shit or am trying to prove anything. I’m fucking broke. There ain’t no moving out unless it’s to be homeless.

I paid for damn near everything. Got laid off almost two years ago while in the middle of what everyone thought was clinical depression. Nope, turns out I’m bipolar, 2017 was nuts being on antidepressants. Cashed out my 401k so we could survive. She made no effort to reduce lifestyle expenditures, and I couldn’t do shit.

Early last year I started on the right medicine. It took until September or so to get the right dosage, now I feel like me again. Friends tell me “welcome back.” Also figured out that I married a narcissist, and that I’m codependent. Been taken advantage of all this time without even knowing it. The second she had to start paying the bills is when she was telling people she was done. Too bad I told her I wanted a divorce first.

However money ran out, credit cards maxed out and now near charge off and I can’t afford a lawyer for divorce or bankruptcy, let alone moving out.

Moving in with friends isn’t an option. No family left to go to. My younger brother has been in a mental hospital for a decade. My shitbag father lives in a different country. Moms dead for over a decade. Wife’s parents are dead.

But hey, at least I’ve had FOH stomping on my dick for the last few months.

Got a good job lined up, waiting to hear.

Cutlery · Feb 16, 2019

mcdj22 said:
I’m not staying because I enjoy this shit or am trying to prove anything. I’m fucking broke. There ain’t no moving out unless it’s to be homeless.

I paid for damn near everything. Got laid off almost two years ago while in the middle of what everyone thought was clinical depression. Nope, turns out I’m bipolar, 2017 was nuts being on antidepressants. Cashed out my 401k so we could survive. She made no effort to reduce lifestyle expenditures, and I couldn’t do shit.

Early last year I started on the right medicine. It took until September or so to get the right dosage, now I feel like me again. Friends tell me “welcome back.” Also figured out that I married a narcissist, and that I’m codependent. Been taken advantage of all this time without even knowing it. The second she had to start paying the bills is when she was telling people she was done. Too bad I told her I wanted a divorce first.

However money ran out, credit cards maxed out and now near charge off and I can’t afford a lawyer for divorce or bankruptcy, let alone moving out.

Moving in with friends isn’t an option. No family left to go to. My younger brother has been in a mental hospital for a decade. My shitbag father lives in a different country. Moms dead for over a decade. Wife’s parents are dead.

But hey, at least I’ve had FOH stomping on my dick for the last few months.

Got a good job lined up, waiting to hear.

We're not stomping on your dick, we're trying to keep you from going from where you think things are as bad as they can possibly get to where they ARE actually as bad as they can get. And trust me, some of us have been thru shit that's prreeeeeeeetty fucking close to what you're going thru.

All it takes is for her to be afraid. That's it. She just needs to tell the right person that she "needs to feel safe" and that's it, it's over for you. You go to jail, and no one gives a fuck what she's done. And you won't even have the money to fight your way out of the situation from the sounds of it. And then you will be homeless because you won't be allowed back in your home, and if you so much as send her a fucking message on facebook you go back to jail and don't fucking come out. There's not gonna be any justice, and she's never going to be held accountable for her bullshit. Believe me when I say I absolutely do understand exactly what you're feeling. I was right there man. The exact fucking feeling. But it doesn't matter...she's a woman, and society has different expectations for her. No one is ever going to hold her accountable for being a shitty mom. But if you step over one of about a dozen different lines, they WILL hold you accountable because men are expected to know better.

If moving out isn't an option, then you sleep in a separate room. You wake up, shower, eat, get your shit (and your kids if you can) and leave the house. Don't come back until bedtime. Limit your contact with her. She's waiting for you to accidentally fuck up so she can tell the cops that you're abusive and all it takes is one of them to believe it and you're done. Limit your liability. Do yourself a favor and just don't talk to her. Step up, take the kids, go do something. Go to the mall, go to the park, whatever. Just be out in public so she can't say that you're kicking shit out of her.

Life WILL get better, but you need to do the right thing now, which is protect yourself. You can't be there for your kids if you don't. I promise you dude, the reason I am busting your balls so hard is because you might as well have been me a year ago, and I'm here to tell you -- nothing you're saying right now matters at fucking all. I know it seems like it does. I know it seems super fucking important, but it's not, and things can get so much fucking worse. It's time to throw in the towel, admit it's over, and to stop interacting with her until you can get a different situation. I didn't want to do it either, and I paid a heavy fucking price for it. We're not telling you this shit because we're taking the high ground. We're telling you this because it's the best course of action for you.

Alex · Feb 16, 2019

I mean, yeah, your life sounds rough. But you're still not approaching this in the best way.

Big Phoenix · Feb 16, 2019

mcdj22 said:
But hey, at least I’ve had FOH stomping on my dick for the last few months.

You obviously made some pretty bad choices in the past. You continue to make bad choices now that needlessly worsen your situation.

yeahthatisneathuh · Feb 16, 2019

Represent yourself in a bankruptcy. It is also very possible to represent yourself in a divorce, you just gotta be on top of it. The internet has made this about a hundred times easier than it's ever been.

Also stop posting and just go get it done.

3301 · Feb 16, 2019

Cutlery said:
We're not stomping on your dick, we're trying to keep you from going from where you think things are as bad as they can possibly get to where they ARE actually as bad as they can get. And trust me, some of us have been thru shit that's prreeeeeeeetty fucking close to what you're going thru.

All it takes is for her to be afraid. That's it. She just needs to tell the right person that she "needs to feel safe" and that's it, it's over for you. You go to jail, and no one gives a fuck what she's done. And you won't even have the money to fight your way out of the situation from the sounds of it. And then you will be homeless because you won't be allowed back in your home, and if you so much as send her a fucking message on facebook you go back to jail and don't fucking come out. There's not gonna be any justice, and she's never going to be held accountable for her bullshit. Believe me when I say I absolutely do understand exactly what you're feeling. I was right there man. The exact fucking feeling. But it doesn't matter...she's a woman, and society has different expectations for her. No one is ever going to hold her accountable for being a shitty mom. But if you step over one of about a dozen different lines, they WILL hold you accountable because men are expected to know better.

If moving out isn't an option, then you sleep in a separate room. You wake up, shower, eat, get your shit (and your kids if you can) and leave the house. Don't come back until bedtime. Limit your contact with her. She's waiting for you to accidentally fuck up so she can tell the cops that you're abusive and all it takes is one of them to believe it and you're done. Limit your liability. Do yourself a favor and just don't talk to her. Step up, take the kids, go do something. Go to the mall, go to the park, whatever. Just be out in public so she can't say that you're kicking shit out of her.

Life WILL get better, but you need to do the right thing now, which is protect yourself. You can't be there for your kids if you don't. I promise you dude, the reason I am busting your balls so hard is because you might as well have been me a year ago, and I'm here to tell you -- nothing you're saying right now matters at fucking all. I know it seems like it does. I know it seems super fucking important, but it's not, and things can get so much fucking worse. It's time to throw in the towel, admit it's over, and to stop interacting with her until you can get a different situation. I didn't want to do it either, and I paid a heavy fucking price for it. We're not telling you this shit because we're taking the high ground. We're telling you this because it's the best course of action for you.

I haven't been able to take the kids anywhere as she's always running off with them somewhere. I'm sure the first time I try she will cause jail time for me. I do my best to not interact with her and stay away as much as possible. I get protecting myself and the first thing to happen when I can afford it, is finding somewhere else to live and consulting a lawyer about how to leave and not get nailed with abandonment.

Just coming here to vent really. I'm not clueless about this situation. I do appreciate the feedback though, thanks.

a_skeleton_05 · Feb 16, 2019

mcdj22 said:
This dumb bitch. She's called 911 twice so far, first time lying about being hurt, police showed up and are like uh wtf are you talking about lady, there's not a single mark anywhere on you despite your claim he left marks on you. Second time, we had an argument about her not cleaning up after her dog (literally piss and shit everywhere) and she told them "he raised his voice." Cops are like sir, we are so sorry to have to barge into your home, but we have to respond to any calls we get, but we of course can't tell you that you can't have an argument or raise your voice in your own home.

I took back the minivan I bought for her, it was filthy everywhere and not just from the girls. Half eaten sandwiches that had petrified, petrified orange peels stuck to the floor, driver/passenger area literally covered in spilled soda and redbull and trash, peanuts fucking everywhere, stuck in every little crevice, cup holders filled with something that resembled plaster, and it reeked of cigarette smoke despite the kids riding in it daily. The car I was driving, which was her old car, was spotless. Van's in my name, her car is in hers. Didn't trust her to not fuck up the van and try and take her car back from me, so preempted that bullshit. She came out one morning to a steering wheel lock on the van, and lol, got in and tried to drive it before she realized that was going to be impossible. I cleaned the shit out of the van, got rid of the smoke smell, it looks and smells almost brand new on the inside now. Took pictures of her car after less than a month of her driving it. It's full of garbage, reeks of cigarettes, oh and did I mention the 1 year old that has asthma? Or at least, will have asthma, right now it's "reactive airway" because she's too young for the Dr to classify it as asthma. 2x-3x daily nebs, singulair, is always sick, she smoked cigarettes and weed the entire pregnancy too, even tested positive for opiates during her pregnancy drug screen.

Still hasn't paid the deductible, wants me to sign a document so she can take money out of her 401k because she has "no money, can't pay the bills, the mortgage, or buy food for the girls to eat." Yet they are out to eat 5/7 days of the week, there's a constant stream of new purchases the girls are showing me, just signed them up for martial arts lessons, leaves every light on in the house that she can, TV is always on when they aren't here, fans in the bathrooms running sucking out all the heated air, has the nerve to accuse me of making the gas and electric bill so high.

But yeah I'm the bad guy. Literally, fuck you all.

I've been in a situation similar to this and it literally culminated in having her grabbing a meat cleaver out of a drawer and attacking me with it. It escalates, endlessly.

Get the fuck out.

moonarchia · Feb 17, 2019

You have a perfectly good van to live out of for now. Do it. Just be physically away from her and get the divorce ball rolling now, not later. Swallow your pride and keep anger in check when you do have to interact with her, and document the shit out of her drug issues for when it comes time for the custody battle.

Tarrant · Feb 18, 2019

Cutlery said:
Stop being a fucking idiot and move the fuck out, file for divorce.

Reverse the order of those and before you move out, talk to a lawyer about filing a motion to move out and take your kids and she can’t care for them.

Moving out before any of this actually will reflect more poorly on him.

yeahthatisneathuh · Feb 18, 2019

Never leave the children/domicile beforehand. It sets up precedent. The "I'm a guy I should move out and slum it in my van/apartment" then becomes "well the mother is in the house with the kids better leave her there."

Picasso3 · Feb 18, 2019

Is owning a meat cleaver common?

Cutlery · Feb 19, 2019

Picasso3 said:
Is owning a meat cleaver common?

I own one. I think it came with some knife set we bought. It's still wrapped.

She didn't follow me down the stairs with that though, just the normal butcher knife.

As far as the moving out thing goes - yeah, that's exactly what they say, don't ever move out. And I'm sure that works fine if you're in a reasonable situation. But what's worse is her calling the cops, getting you arrested, and then having the "oh, he's abusive" thing thrown at you. So, take your pick. In this situation, if she's already calling the cops, it's only a matter of time until they get sick of coming out there and arrest one of you. "First to the phone" is a thing....

Tarrant · Feb 19, 2019

Cutlery said:
I own one. I think it came with some knife set we bought. It's still wrapped.

She didn't follow me down the stairs with that though, just the normal butcher knife.

As far as the moving out thing goes - yeah, that's exactly what they say, don't ever move out. And I'm sure that works fine if you're in a reasonable situation. But what's worse is her calling the cops, getting you arrested, and then having the "oh, he's abusive" thing thrown at you. So, take your pick. In this situation, if she's already calling the cops, it's only a matter of time until they get sick of coming out there and arrest one of you. "First to the phone" is a thing....

While I appreciate your view, it’s short sighted and here’s why.

Yes it gets you out of dodge but you can’t take the kids from their home without a motion to do so in this situation. Should you get up and leave and try to get the kids later it turns into “well it couldn’t have been THAT bad if you were leaving to leave the kids there unsupervised with that parent (for x long) and it’s an entirely different (and strait vertical uphill) battle from there.

Wingz · Feb 19, 2019

Buddy of mine is dating this chick for 2 years....she's kinda crazy. I had to send him this because he's thinking of getting married to her:

Cutlery · Feb 19, 2019

Tarrant said:
While I appreciate your view, it’s short sighted and here’s why.

Yes it gets you out of dodge but you can’t take the kids from their home without a motion to do so in this situation. Should you get up and leave and try to get the kids later it turns into “well it couldn’t have been THAT bad if you were leaving to leave the kids there unsupervised with that parent (for x long) and it’s an entirely different (and strait vertical uphill) battle from there.

What battle do you think a domestic charge is? Less than straight vertical?

She's calling the fucking cops, man. The point is less about what to do and more about the fact that he needs to do something quick or it's gonna go to shit in a fucking hurry.

The deck is stacked against men to begin with. It's an uphill battle regardless of what road you take. Might as well take the path that doesn't involve you spending a weekend in jail and being forced from your home and then having a judge decide you're the problem and giving her everything.

At least you've got a fucking chance if you bail.

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Marriage and the Power of Divorce

3301

Wake Up Man

Cutlery

Kill All the White People

Frenzied Wombat

Potato del Grande

iannis

Musty Nester

Hosix

All labs matter!

3301

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