Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Foler

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Big Phoenix said:
Rape fantasies are like one of the most common fantasies women have. I wouldnt think anything of it unless shes really wanting you to sneak into her place in the middle of the night wearing a disguise and not take no for an answer.
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Ya read a few articles that it's common. I assume it's just the feeling it gives them that they're so wanted a guy can't resist. Kinds makes sense. Just hate using the word rape, she's not from the U.S. but I told her if she comes here she has to be realll careful about using it lol
 
Hosix

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Foler said:
Ya read a few articles that it's common. I assume it's just the feeling it gives them that they're so wanted a guy can't resist. Kinds makes sense. Just hate using the word rape, she's not from the U.S. but I told her if she comes here she has to be realll careful about using it lol
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Is this a mail order bride thing? Fantasy rape for first encounter? That may set a high standard for intense sex.
 
Foler

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Hosix said:
Is this a mail order bride thing? Fantasy rape for first encounter? That may set a high standard for intense sex.
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Negative. She's just got this rape fantasy. I don't think the stigma around the word in her culture carries the current #metoo weight with it. Freaked out when she first said the word.
 
Foler

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Noodleface said:
All of it. Tread lightly in the grown up forum unless you want to get ARRESTED
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It's all true noodle. Stop being salty because all you can get is missionary. Sneak a butt plug in, it's the spice of life my man.
 
Deathwing

Deathwing

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Told my wife last night that I don't respect her. This was within the context of stupid 3rd-wave feminism bullshit like genderless pronouns and gender pay gap. She was really offended by it and said that was going to be hard to get over. Isn't this inherent when telling someone they made a poor choice? I get that it's a breach of "common courtesy", but given the amount shit I've complained about in this thread, I feel like I have to be extremely blunt with her.

Week after week of fighting and no sex. I'm stuck in this terrible self feedback loop where the lack of sex is now contributing to the lack of sex.

This kinda feels like the end. She's suggested counseling but I feel like that's just lighting my money on fire. Has anyone actually gone to counseling and it's improved their marriage?
 
Khane

Khane

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Counseling can only work if both people go into it realizing they are probably going to be told they are wrong on certain things and need to compromise. But I feel like most people go into it expecting to be told they're right and have their opinions validated by a third party and are unwilling to yield even when that's not the case.

Do you really not respect your wife as a person anymore or do you just not respect her opinions on certain things at this point in life?
 
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Noodleface

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This is a tough one. Saying you do t respect someone, let alone the mother of your kid, is a pretty big thing to say
 
Soygen

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But, if it's the truth, you gotta' do something about it.
 
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Deathwing

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Khane Khane
Certain things but it's really starting to add up.

I think her political views are shit in some regards but I think the true problem is that it's blindly supporting popular topics. People glom onto ideas without proper research all the time, I'm sure my behavior is no better than hers in this regard. But when someone comes along and shows you how you're wrong, that reaction to the truth is much more important. Generally, people that decide to continue being idiots, I cut them out of my life.

I don't like her apathy to whatever is afflicting her. She's made some small improvements but there's still a long road ahead. And she wouldn't have made them had I not really dug in and pushed her to do so. So, it kinda doesn't count.

I don't like her spending habits but we've been over that recently so I won't rehash it.

Those are all pretty big aspects of a person and makes it hard to judge whether I don't like her or parts of her.

Noodleface Noodleface
I guess? But that goes back to my point about it being inherent when you tell someone they fucked up. Aren't they kinda one and the same?
 
moonarchia

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What Khane said re: Marriage counseling.

Also, if it is the end do what we always talk about here about lawyering up now and not later. We don't need another live example of the Power of Divorce.
 
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Khane

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Well, counseling can be a waste of money when the people involved aren't interested in anything but being told they're right but don't you think it's at least worth a shot to see if you can get past this?

It's marriage, that's part of the vow. Nobody here knows how long this may have been on the horizon for you but it's possible counseling could save it, so don't you owe it to each other and your kid to at least try?
 
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Deathwing

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You're right, it is worth a try. I'm just dubious because I can't think of a single example where counseling helped.
 
moonarchia

moonarchia

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Even if you're dubious, try it to show her (and hopefully not, but maybe a judge down the line) that you are willing to do anything to make the marriage work.
 
LachiusTZ

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Deathwing said:
You're right, it is worth a try. I'm just dubious because I can't think of a single example where counseling helped.
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This is exactly what I was going to say.

Going to be hard not to get sucked into a never ending loop of "well I made this not material change and it only took a year".

But you should give it a go if you want to salvage it. I would not be optimistic about someone consuming that ideology accepting they are wrong, much less a woman, much less one that has resisted everything you have pushed.

My money is the first few things she is told she is wrong about she wants a new counselor.

Hope not tho. GL
 
Noodleface

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I just think saying you don't respect someone carries a lot more weight than you're realizing it does
 
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chaos

chaos

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Noodleface said:
I just think saying you don't respect someone carries a lot more weight than you're realizing it does
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^ agreed.

Also, I did counseling with my wife, not really going to get into the details, but it helped. Provides perspective for both parties, starts conversations etc. It's productive, if you and the wife are down. You can't half-measure it, and have to be open to receiving criticism, whether you end up agreeing with it on reflection or not. Counseling itself is just like a catalyst for you guys to fix shit on your own. But for what it is, it can be effective.
 
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