Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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Last week, I told my wife about Chappelle's new hour coming out today, watching it would be a foregone conclusion. Still, I explicitly asked her if she wanted to watch it together. She's on her phone the whole fucking time, doesn't laugh at anything. I'll probably get shit for laughing at the LBGT car joke, but 6 months from now.
I understand being on the phone for more routine stuff that we watch together like Jeopardy. I clearly find that more engaging that she does and there's a ton of it. But a 1 hour special for a comedian I thought she loved too? Fucking pay attention so we can share in the experience together. Tell me why you didn't like certain jokes.
Special ends and she says she wouldn't have watched it if I didn't suggest it.
I ask her what she wants to do, she just answers back with the same question. I'm trying really hard not to put any thoughts in her head because those will end up being what we do. Husband's birthday? I thought at least one fucking idea would have floated through her head. Nope. She couldn't even say she wanted to have sex. No body language to imply she's in the mood.
It's really weird, early in the relationship I used to be the one that took days to get over fights and now that has almost reversed. As long as we have a somewhat amicable resolution, I'm trying to get in her pants the next day. Multiple times she says we fight too much for her to think about sex. Not really sure I buy that but it's still a stupid excuse. If your fuckups are the reason I'm getting pissed, you don't get to use the frequency of arguments as an excuse. "Stop getting mad at my mistakes or I won't fuck you!"
Turned 36 today. Sometimes I feel like I've wasted some of my best years.
I understand being on the phone for more routine stuff that we watch together like Jeopardy. I clearly find that more engaging that she does and there's a ton of it. But a 1 hour special for a comedian I thought she loved too? Fucking pay attention so we can share in the experience together. Tell me why you didn't like certain jokes.
Special ends and she says she wouldn't have watched it if I didn't suggest it.
I ask her what she wants to do, she just answers back with the same question. I'm trying really hard not to put any thoughts in her head because those will end up being what we do. Husband's birthday? I thought at least one fucking idea would have floated through her head. Nope. She couldn't even say she wanted to have sex. No body language to imply she's in the mood.It's really weird, early in the relationship I used to be the one that took days to get over fights and now that has almost reversed. As long as we have a somewhat amicable resolution, I'm trying to get in her pants the next day. Multiple times she says we fight too much for her to think about sex. Not really sure I buy that but it's still a stupid excuse. If your fuckups are the reason I'm getting pissed, you don't get to use the frequency of arguments as an excuse. "Stop getting mad at my mistakes or I won't fuck you!"
Turned 36 today. Sometimes I feel like I've wasted some of my best years.
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I would try to find something to do for a month or two that didn't involve her and then regroup.
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iannis
Musty Nester
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Yeah, when that happens and you're dating you look at each other and go "I guess we're done?"
In a marriage, not sure. BigP's advice is solid I think.
If that can be unfucked it's gonna take time. You need like a two year plan I suspect. She's disengaged. And so have you in a way, of course you have.
You've kinda got to decide if you even still want her before anything else or if it's just gone too sour. Loveless marriages are not uncommon. I would say there are worse things in the world.
In a marriage, not sure. BigP's advice is solid I think.
If that can be unfucked it's gonna take time. You need like a two year plan I suspect. She's disengaged. And so have you in a way, of course you have.
You've kinda got to decide if you even still want her before anything else or if it's just gone too sour. Loveless marriages are not uncommon. I would say there are worse things in the world.
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iannis
Musty Nester
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It's not completely separate. It's just giving her room. Not pushing on her, you know?
She'll probably slide further in with her patriarchy friends. One problem is that when you directly confront her her response is to go limp on you. That's common enough in women and i've never been able to find a healthy resolution to it either. When they do it to me I push them even harder until eventually they break and/or come to despise me. This is not a good plan, but it's my plan! It is CERTAINLY not what you should do.
I assume that you've tried talking to her. Not like you're talking to your wife, mother of your child, and a woman that you've known for 10 years. Talking to her like a familiar stranger. An adult conversation, you know. That's not about the money, not about the kid, doesn't devolve into accusations. Kind of a touching base and "do you regret this? Is there anything we can do?" It is a "we" kind of thing.
She'll probably slide further in with her patriarchy friends. One problem is that when you directly confront her her response is to go limp on you. That's common enough in women and i've never been able to find a healthy resolution to it either. When they do it to me I push them even harder until eventually they break and/or come to despise me. This is not a good plan, but it's my plan! It is CERTAINLY not what you should do.
I assume that you've tried talking to her. Not like you're talking to your wife, mother of your child, and a woman that you've known for 10 years. Talking to her like a familiar stranger. An adult conversation, you know. That's not about the money, not about the kid, doesn't devolve into accusations. Kind of a touching base and "do you regret this? Is there anything we can do?" It is a "we" kind of thing.
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Im just saying if you want to watch something then watch it. And don't say some pouty shit like you should go by yourself on vacation. Go on vacation and do stuff on your own or with your kid, if you can invite her and not get upset if she turns it down then that's good too.
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The whole point of the vacation is to spend time together. I'm not much of a traveler otherwise. I certainly don't have anything I want to do myself in <insert stereotypical beach destination here>.
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LachiusTZ
Rogue Deathwalker Box
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Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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Your wife's new religion has deemed Dave sacrilege. You basically just made a Jew watch a pro-Hitler documentary. Happy birthday!
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I don't think she's that far gone. I showed her that "The Force is Female" photo. Now, I'll be completely honest, she missed the bonus points for not noticing the cans on one chick. But she did role her eyes in derision and say the force should be gender neutral. A bit of an overly complex answer, a simple "look at those idiots" would have sufficed.
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Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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My last couple vacations included the kids. Relaxing was not an option.
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chaos
Buzzfeed Editor
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I was a little confused at first, like wtf is this dude making the comedy special such a big deal for, she wasn't into it. Your post is structured weird, making it seem like the comedy special is the focus rather than the fact that it was your birthday and she wasn't into it. That sucks. I got nothing for you man, that just sucks that you guys weren't on the same page. I do think that if you tell her to go on that vacation by herself that when looking back later that is likely to be one of those "crossing the Rubicon" moments.Last week, I told my wife about Chappelle's new hour coming out today, watching it would be a foregone conclusion. Still, I explicitly asked her if she wanted to watch it together. She's on her phone the whole fucking time, doesn't laugh at anything. I'll probably get shit for laughing at the LBGT car joke, but 6 months from now.
I understand being on the phone for more routine stuff that we watch together like Jeopardy. I clearly find that more engaging that she does and there's a ton of it. But a 1 hour special for a comedian I thought she loved too? Fucking pay attention so we can share in the experience together. Tell me why you didn't like certain jokes.
Special ends and she says she wouldn't have watched it if I didn't suggest it.
It's really weird, early in the relationship I used to be the one that took days to get over fights and now that has almost reversed. As long as we have a somewhat amicable resolution, I'm trying to get in her pants the next day. Multiple times she says we fight too much for her to think about sex. Not really sure I buy that but it's still a stupid excuse. If your fuckups are the reason I'm getting pissed, you don't get to use the frequency of arguments as an excuse. "Stop getting mad at my mistakes or I won't fuck you!"
Turned 36 today. Sometimes I feel like I've wasted some of my best years.
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Sorry for the confusion. I originally started the post off explaining it was my birthday and then restructured it to "reveal" that at the end because I still think I would be disappointed even if it wasn't my birthday. If she didn't want to watch a comedy special with me, she should say so, we'll find something else to watch together. Basically, it's a communication issue. I realize relationships are about compromise, but if you agree to do something with someone, put the fucking phone down. Unless it's relatively routine, then just play it by ear. I think a comedy special is firmly entrenched in the "no phones" category.
She was originally going to go on the vacation by herself. I kinda invited myself(of course I asked) along because felt it was important.
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Ishad
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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chaos
Buzzfeed Editor
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idk, my wife and I are just different in that regard. She's not into all my tv shows and stuff, and she likes TERRIBLE movies. She thinks Wild Wild West was a good movie. But we already knew that going way back, so we just do our own thing. Like, if she's watching Legion with me, I don't expect her to be into it, or especially something like Top Chef. But if she's watching some new Will Smith abortion, I may not be into it but I tolerate it.
So hard to say, being on the outside and not really knowing either of you. I'd just guess that if you cancelled a vacation like that and told her to go herself, she'd take that as a further degradation of your relationship. I can't imagine the scenario where that helps things, if maintaining the relationship is the goals.
Alex
Still a Music Elitist
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There's nothing you could find to do? That might be part of her problem with you. Maybe you're just boring to her.