Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Deathwing

Deathwing

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Alex said:
There's nothing you could find to do? That might be part of her problem with you. Maybe you're just boring to her.
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That's definitely a possibility, I won't deny that. As responsibilities infringe upon my free time, I find myself less willing to indulge in things that I maybe kinda sorta like. It's possible having a kid caused us to grow apart. And by that, I mean the things we were willing to tolerate(her poor sex habits, my video gaming, etc) are no longer tolerable.
 
Gurgeh

Gurgeh

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How bad are her "fuck patriarchy" friends ? I mean, stuff like femen or vegan activist are documented on video to behave very much like the worst sects, trying to isolate people out of their family & friends to recruit more adepts. If someone like that is undermining you, it can be insanely tricky to deal with.
 
Deathwing

Deathwing

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My perception is that they are low-effort, well-intentioned, and under-informed. They've always been low-key feminists, but now that it's more popular to be vocal about it, they're a bit more public without realizing how it's being received.
 
Deathwing

Deathwing

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If she's not interested in me anymore, she needs to tell me that. I agree that fighting and arguing is unappealing, but what am I supposed to do?
 
Cad

Cad

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Deathwing said:
If she's not interested in me anymore, she needs to tell me that. I agree that fighting and arguing is unappealing, but what am I supposed to do?
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There might not be anything you can do specifically.

You might need to confront her with the idea that she is losing you through this behavior, and you need to have a come to Jesus moment and figure out where she's at.

Couple of things might happen there. She might not care. She might be like, yea I was thinking the same, time to bail. Or she might be like wtf? You're the reason I've been feeling ______. Then you can talk about it. She might be way off base but at least you're talking.

It gets in these situations where people just sort of spiral into resentment for stupid reasons and need to wake up, or get out.

Getting out is not the worst thing if it's going to continue to be like this. Yes, kids etc but also... gotta think about your whole life.
 
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chaos

chaos

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Deathwing said:
If she's not interested in me anymore, she needs to tell me that. I agree that fighting and arguing is unappealing, but what am I supposed to do?
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I mean, bro, she's probably not going to do that. Not to say that she isn't, but that the way you have described her is not the type of person to engage in that kind of confrontation, whether she is or isn't interested in you the way that you want her to be. You'll have to do the work. Or, the other thing.
 
Phazael

Phazael

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Also realize that more than likely you are secretly up against one of her friends who is probably a variation of this person:



Might seem like an exaggeration, but someone is dumping this poison into her head and that someone likely does not give a shit about what it does to your marriage.
 
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Gavinmad

Gavinmad

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You also have to remember that since you only share the negative stuff, you've painted a picture for us that your marriage is basically already over. Whether that's accurate or not, any advice you get from this thread will probably be based on that premise.
 
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Tarrant

Tarrant

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My two oldest kids just went back to their mothers on Tuesday (my son is 16, almost 17. My daughter is 13...they live in MN, me in MI)). They were here all month long and we had a fantastic time together. Stayed up late playing games, went out together as a family, traveled the state a bit, spent a week up north at our cabin. It was a great time and I was so happy to have them around, in my life personally 24/7, being able to come home from work to them, have dinner with them, talk about their days.

Now they are gone and I'm left in a quiet, empty place and I keep going back and forth between horribly depressed and breaking down, to just angry at the world.My son has a job now, has a g/f, he's almost an adult and I've missed so much time with him. It just reminds me of the father I wanted to be when they were born and the father I had to become due to circumstances. I miss them so much and after 11 years it hasn't gotten any easier, it's got harder probably.

While my son was here we went swimming in Lake Michigan and he went hypodermic. When EMT's arrived his body temp was 83. He looked up at me after passing out multiple times and said he could only see my outline and he asked if he was dying (before EMT's got there). At that time I had no idea what was happening but I told him he was going to be okay and kept it together as best I could. He told me he loved me (and then said to call his gf for him if anything happened lol). It's the scariest thing I've ever been through and it made me realize even more how delicate life is and how the physical distance between us seems even more now because anything can happen at an moment and nothing is guaranteed.

I'm just rambling right now, I'm in a really bad and dark place. I'm naturally a pretty emotional guy when it comes to my kids (I miss them a lot and will cry, I'm not too man to admit it) and I feel like I keep spiraling randomly. I'm glad I have a wife who supportive, I dunno if I'd get through these spells without her.
 
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Uber Uberest

Uber Uberest

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Move closer to them. You are bound by nothing, you seem intelligent enough to land a job in a new state. Why live your life like this?
 
Tarrant

Tarrant

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Uber Uberest said:
Move closer to them. You are bound by nothing, you seem intelligent enough to land a job in a new state. Why live your life like this?
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Where they live, it's not a great place for work. Good paying jobs are $10 an hour unless you work in the mines.

Even when I lived in Minneapolis (3 1/2-4 hours from them) it was like this. I'm just very emotionally tied to them. We have a great relationship, I see as often as I can, I fly back about once every 5-6 weeks to see them in person. Where they live though, I can't be of any use as someone who supports them and makes sure they have what they need. So I have to sacrifice and live elsewhere in order do so.

It just sucks every time seeing your kids, you notice they've grown and wonder what and how much you've really missed.
 
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iannis

iannis

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Jesus christ, how cold is that water?

Fuckin brisk.

At least he's ok, that's good news. But damn that sounds weird to me. I mean weird shit happens.
 
K

k^M

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God damn, who goes swimming in that? That's asking for trouble. Having done the polar bear plunge, even that you're supposed to get right the hell out after and dry off. Brrrrr
 
Soygen

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Tarrant said:
Northern Lake Michigan? About 60F is normal for where we were at but it was near 55 due to currents pulling cold water up from the bottom.
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My Florida Man ass would probably instantly die of shock when I hit the water.
 
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Tarrant

Tarrant

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Soygen said:
My Florida Man ass would probably instantly die of shock when I hit the water.
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It's something we are more used to up here for sure. Millions hit Lake Michigan and some of the crazier ones, Lake Superior (colder) come summer for day long swim sessions.
 
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