Marriage and the Power of Divorce

So, Big P was right and you're letting your dick do the thinking? Glad we cleared that up.

You can't help her. It's up to her to grow up and kick him out or not. Chances are good it ends badly no matter what, so just stay clear instead of trying to Gavin up and white knight her. If you keep fucking her you may end up getting culturally enriched by the bf.

That's really all there is to it. So do whatever you're going to do, and if you keep letting your dick do the thinking, post more pics.

Onoes said:

*Gestures at Ossoi*

No one is ever allowed to give me shit about any of my dumb antics ever again.

*Gestures again*

I don't even.....

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When even Onoes is on solid enough footing to throw shade at your decision making, you done fucked up.

It's like if the people on the Hindenberg could see what was coming. Oh the humanity.

Manipulation is her game. Don't buy into it.

Big Phoenix said:

Yup.

Was walking down a path to to the rim overlook and she wanted to go down this other path that just lead to some picnic benches. I told her that's not how you get to the rim just keep walking down this path. Long story short when we are walking along the rim she stops walking and starts saying she's going to jump into the grand canyon. She says this quite a few times each time louder and louder all the while people are walking by.

That was like one of four times she threatened to commit suicide. Another time she texted me a picture of her father's pistol saying she was going to use it. Another time she got on the railing of my apartment balcony saying she was going to jump. Another time she grabbed my steering wheel while driving and jerked it to the side.

That shit is not fucking worth it. No matter how attractive they are.

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Wtf.....so did she move in?

My scenario has been rapidly deteriorating over the last couple years, more specifically the last 4 months. I hit rock button as a functional alcoholic. It was just work, drink, video games. I got fat, and overall became a self-loathing POS. Wife wanted a divorce. It was a wake-up call and I immediately stopped drinking and honestly 180'd my life around pretty hardcore. Much more time with the kids, calmed the tits off my sex drive substantially which was causing a problem, I cook/clean/do all the weekend shit as my wife and I have separate schedules (My weekend sat sun, vs her weekend weds/thurs). We basically became roommates sleeping in other beds, but not the drag out shout matches you would expect from your stereotypical couple. I'm down about 50 pounds, stopped snoring. We sleep in the same bed, sex life is obviously good for her but its really laissez faire for me but I put on a good show. Literally the only woman I've slept with. I am one of those people...


Wife, 3 kids (2 are mine, one step (around since young baby)). I'm about to turn 33, her 39. She pulls in about 35k over me (100K vs 65K + my free healthcare).


I've been sober a solid 6 month. In my sobriety I discovered her long-term affair. The affair must have been pretty obvious before, even to outsiders who have raised some eyebrows, but it just cements with me what has been going on with a previous coworker and all those red flags that come rushing back in hindsight. The confrontation was your atypical bullshit - how could, etc etc, we'll fix it through counseling. All the usual BS. I think she expecting me to just leave the marriage entirely because infidelity has always been a red line for me to the point of having a prenuptial citing for it. I guess red line is a bad choice of words considering the current situation.

She was my first love, she still acts like she loves me, but obviously wants to sit on the fence with coworker #1. We basically stopped counseling because no reasonable adult can put up with this kind of shit and I've finally given her the ultimatum of having the self-respect to stop dragging around with her words then do the most hurtful possible thing with her actions. Before I was afraid to "push her away", but honestly my feelings have pretty much moving towards a "relief" category where I am finally coming to terms with what the fuck is actually going on. What baffles me, is I've helped more than one person in a similar situation...but I keep opening up my stupid ass heart to be crushed again.

Basically I'm afraid of losing my kids (even on a 50/50 joint custody situation). I have to reserve the right I cannot be apart of the step kid's life pretty much at all anymore without willing participation. I just went through the process of buying our "semi-forever" home in a good district and honestly, it feels like my wife was setting this up for awhile. Really doesn't anger me, but I was the bread winner for 8/10 years we've been together and she recently landed herself a pretty badass job.


I feel like I'm at a standstill where I want her to tell me she wants out of the marriage with her words, not this passive aggressive BS. In the past 120 days shes either lied to me about contacting the guy or outright going on a date with him 3 times. Its obvious her actions are telling me a story, but she keeps stringing me along with her words.


Flame me, validate me. Fuck -- I don't care, just give me another perspective because I feel insanely manipulated over here. I am basically filling my days with work, gym, and family time and feel like I'm walking with dystopian glasses on. We literally just had a 6 day vacation together and had a pretty damn good time across 2 states / theme parks. Sex, holding hands etc the entire time...to only find out she literally went on a date with the same guy the week before. Like, the anger is pretty much subsided and I feel like I just married a dud that instead of wanting to grow with me, its just a fuck-it-all and throw it all away attitude.




Whats the best way to protect my time with my two biological kids in this situation?

Is this marriage even worth saving?

Big Phoenix said:

When you say long term, does that mean the affair began before you went full blown alcoholic or after?

Youll never get the full story about what was going on so I wouldnt dwell on that. You know she cheated and thats it no reason to waste time and emotional labor on trying to figure out what exactly happened. After all do you really want to hear the details of such a thing?

IMO once a cheater always a cheater. You cant salvage something like this. If you stay together then in the future every time shes running late or doesnt respond to a text/call you will jump to thinking who she is with and instantly feel like shit. That will stay with you in the back of your head so long as you are together.

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I say long term because the actual "affair" was probably from Jan 2020 and onward, where she actively went out to cheat. Long term because she had a working relationship long before and I'm positive this guy was trying to get in her pants from the early on (2017 and on). She has specifically said in counseling this was never a "I don't see myself with this guy forever" which makes it hurt even more.


I don't have the full story but its an affair plain as day to the point she will at least admit it. I'm sure it really was a loving relationship, but honestly...fuck that.


This was my last pathetic attempt to throw it at a wall and honestly the lawyer talk is coming real soon.