Marriage and the Power of Divorce

SeanDoe1z1 said:

My scenario has been rapidly deteriorating over the last couple years, more specifically the last 4 months. I hit rock button as a functional alcoholic. It was just work, drink, video games. I got fat, and overall became a self-loathing POS. Wife wanted a divorce. It was a wake-up call and I immediately stopped drinking and honestly 180'd my life around pretty hardcore. Much more time with the kids, calmed the tits off my sex drive substantially which was causing a problem, I cook/clean/do all the weekend shit as my wife and I have separate schedules (My weekend sat sun, vs her weekend weds/thurs). We basically became roommates sleeping in other beds, but not the drag out shout matches you would expect from your stereotypical couple. I'm down about 50 pounds, stopped snoring. We sleep in the same bed, sex life is obviously good for her but its really laissez faire for me but I put on a good show. Literally the only woman I've slept with. I am one of those people...


Wife, 3 kids (2 are mine, one step (around since young baby)). I'm about to turn 33, her 39. She pulls in about 35k over me (100K vs 65K + my free healthcare).


I've been sober a solid 6 month. In my sobriety I discovered her long-term affair. The affair must have been pretty obvious before, even to outsiders who have raised some eyebrows, but it just cements with me what has been going on with a previous coworker and all those red flags that come rushing back in hindsight. The confrontation was your atypical bullshit - how could, etc etc, we'll fix it through counseling. All the usual BS. I think she expecting me to just leave the marriage entirely because infidelity has always been a red line for me to the point of having a prenuptial citing for it. I guess red line is a bad choice of words considering the current situation.

She was my first love, she still acts like she loves me, but obviously wants to sit on the fence with coworker #1. We basically stopped counseling because no reasonable adult can put up with this kind of shit and I've finally given her the ultimatum of having the self-respect to stop dragging around with her words then do the most hurtful possible thing with her actions. Before I was afraid to "push her away", but honestly my feelings have pretty much moving towards a "relief" category where I am finally coming to terms with what the fuck is actually going on. What baffles me, is I've helped more than one person in a similar situation...but I keep opening up my stupid ass heart to be crushed again.

Basically I'm afraid of losing my kids (even on a 50/50 joint custody situation). I have to reserve the right I cannot be apart of the step kid's life pretty much at all anymore without willing participation. I just went through the process of buying our "semi-forever" home in a good district and honestly, it feels like my wife was setting this up for awhile. Really doesn't anger me, but I was the bread winner for 8/10 years we've been together and she recently landed herself a pretty badass job.


I feel like I'm at a standstill where I want her to tell me she wants out of the marriage with her words, not this passive aggressive BS. In the past 120 days shes either lied to me about contacting the guy or outright going on a date with him 3 times. Its obvious her actions are telling me a story, but she keeps stringing me along with her words.


Flame me, validate me. Fuck -- I don't care, just give me another perspective because I feel insanely manipulated over here. I am basically filling my days with work, gym, and family time and feel like I'm walking with dystopian glasses on. We literally just had a 6 day vacation together and had a pretty damn good time across 2 states / theme parks. Sex, holding hands etc the entire time...to only find out she literally went on a date with the same guy the week before. Like, the anger is pretty much subsided and I feel like I just married a dud that instead of wanting to grow with me, its just a fuck-it-all and throw it all away attitude.




Whats the best way to protect my time with my two biological kids in this situation?

Is this marriage even worth saving?

Click to expand...

SeanDoe1z1 said:

My scenario has been rapidly deteriorating over the last couple years, more specifically the last 4 months. I hit rock button as a functional alcoholic. It was just work, drink, video games. I got fat, and overall became a self-loathing POS. Wife wanted a divorce. It was a wake-up call and I immediately stopped drinking and honestly 180'd my life around pretty hardcore. Much more time with the kids, calmed the tits off my sex drive substantially which was causing a problem, I cook/clean/do all the weekend shit as my wife and I have separate schedules (My weekend sat sun, vs her weekend weds/thurs). We basically became roommates sleeping in other beds, but not the drag out shout matches you would expect from your stereotypical couple. I'm down about 50 pounds, stopped snoring. We sleep in the same bed, sex life is obviously good for her but its really laissez faire for me but I put on a good show. Literally the only woman I've slept with. I am one of those people...


Wife, 3 kids (2 are mine, one step (around since young baby)). I'm about to turn 33, her 39. She pulls in about 35k over me (100K vs 65K + my free healthcare).


I've been sober a solid 6 month. In my sobriety I discovered her long-term affair. The affair must have been pretty obvious before, even to outsiders who have raised some eyebrows, but it just cements with me what has been going on with a previous coworker and all those red flags that come rushing back in hindsight. The confrontation was your atypical bullshit - how could, etc etc, we'll fix it through counseling. All the usual BS. I think she expecting me to just leave the marriage entirely because infidelity has always been a red line for me to the point of having a prenuptial citing for it. I guess red line is a bad choice of words considering the current situation.

She was my first love, she still acts like she loves me, but obviously wants to sit on the fence with coworker #1. We basically stopped counseling because no reasonable adult can put up with this kind of shit and I've finally given her the ultimatum of having the self-respect to stop dragging around with her words then do the most hurtful possible thing with her actions. Before I was afraid to "push her away", but honestly my feelings have pretty much moving towards a "relief" category where I am finally coming to terms with what the fuck is actually going on. What baffles me, is I've helped more than one person in a similar situation...but I keep opening up my stupid ass heart to be crushed again.

Basically I'm afraid of losing my kids (even on a 50/50 joint custody situation). I have to reserve the right I cannot be apart of the step kid's life pretty much at all anymore without willing participation. I just went through the process of buying our "semi-forever" home in a good district and honestly, it feels like my wife was setting this up for awhile. Really doesn't anger me, but I was the bread winner for 8/10 years we've been together and she recently landed herself a pretty badass job.


I feel like I'm at a standstill where I want her to tell me she wants out of the marriage with her words, not this passive aggressive BS. In the past 120 days shes either lied to me about contacting the guy or outright going on a date with him 3 times. Its obvious her actions are telling me a story, but she keeps stringing me along with her words.


Flame me, validate me. Fuck -- I don't care, just give me another perspective because I feel insanely manipulated over here. I am basically filling my days with work, gym, and family time and feel like I'm walking with dystopian glasses on. We literally just had a 6 day vacation together and had a pretty damn good time across 2 states / theme parks. Sex, holding hands etc the entire time...to only find out she literally went on a date with the same guy the week before. Like, the anger is pretty much subsided and I feel like I just married a dud that instead of wanting to grow with me, its just a fuck-it-all and throw it all away attitude.




Whats the best way to protect my time with my two biological kids in this situation?

Is this marriage even worth saving?

Click to expand...

LachiusTZ said:

Fuck it, I'll go the other way.

Have two more kids with her (get DNA tests), sterilize her, get all her shit documented, and make her sign off on you finding a really young girlfriend.

Get the side chick pregnant and say "oops"

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SeanDoe1z1 said:

pretty strong reactions and about what I thought. i'm trying to save a marriage for the kids and that is normally what, like sub 1% of ever working out?

Failure as an adult. If she wanted to continue an open affair and there wasn't her bio kid involved, i would greatly say to her to GTFO and hope the order sides with me...but I can't imagine any judge saying to the adulterer to move out and take your bio kid (my step kid) with you, leaving your other two without their sister...but what do I know. I know that legal distinction is set in stone and the best interest of the kids will win.

I'm just a fool who wants to believe the person he spent the last 10 years of his life with and pretend it wasn't a sham from the start.


All things considered I will put myself in a better position / find a better partner. I can't get over my kids though and not trying to make this work. FFS she is a shitty mom to begin with and I am not blowing smoke up my own ass on this one. I truly mean it and it breaks my fucking hard I put myself in a position to be so fucked. I will be fine, I don't know how the fuck my kids come out of this one undamaged.

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Noodleface said:

As a child of divorce, honestly don't worry about it. As much as it will suck for a couple years your kids will understand in the end. Just try to be a good dad.

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Hoss said:

What does that mean? What does the pre-nup say about infidelity? I mean, it sounds like you have nothing to worry about regarding the kids as long as you can prove it. Don't forget to get alimoney. After all, you've become accustomed to the lifestyle she provides.



Did you adopt the step child? If yes, then no worries. She should be treated the same as the bio kids. If not, then good luck getting her.

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