Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Also: if they're younger than 30, fuggetaboudit.

They all look the same.

Onoes is the king of horrible decision making. Fucking flirting with girls at a high school graduation party.

I agree on "most" young women. Some absolutely look like children, and their same age friends look like adults. I know that both are in the 18-20 range, yet a HUGE difference. And I'm only 32. Why was I so easily able to tell an age difference when I was that age, yet now it all looks creepy?

PS - I discovered a great place to meet women over the weekend, though most are mothers.
I went to the Zoo with my daughter. Holy shit is there a lot of talent there. I was admiring 9's and 10's most of the day. In other news, it was a nice Sunday.

I can't believe away crazy texts you. Hell not that I ever do but I can log into my cell account any time and see texts sent and received, so can crazy I live with. Being married I am sure her husband can to, and that shit never goes away. A year from now he can be like you fucked my wife!

Xarpolis_sl said:

I agree on "most" young women. Some absolutely look like children, and their same age friends look like adults. I know that both are in the 18-20 range, yet a HUGE difference. And I'm only 32. Why was I so easily able to tell an age difference when I was that age, yet now it all looks creepy?

PS - I discovered a great place to meet women over the weekend, though most are mothers.
I went to the Zoo with my daughter. Holy shit is there a lot of talent there. I was admiring 9's and 10's most of the day. In other news, it was a nice Sunday.

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You're too generous on your rating scale if you believe more than 1 10 was at a zoo.

Iannis_sl said:

They didn't stick the q-tip up your peepee?

Aww. That's the best part.

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I think that shit has finally gone the way of the do-do. 5 or 6 years ago I was bitching about having had to do it recently with some friends that lived in BC, and they were like "what the fuck? You don't have to do that shit out here any more, you just pee in a cup!" Apparently it took Alberta a few extra years to implement that shit at the STI clinic.

Yeah, that hasn't been necessary in like 10 years. hehe.

But that doesn't mean you can't do it anyway just to strike the fear of god into a 17 year old.

My cousin has been married for a couple years now, he has two kids (2 and 4). Never really understood why he got with his wife, but it was his decision so I accepted her. Last week he came home with a 21 year old hot piece of ass (10/10) before she had left to go to her parents with the kids, essentially getting caught cheating by being an idiot. His solution? Told his wife to pack her things and hit the road. Kind of a douche move. I don't really know how their marriage was, but I get the idea that it wasn't good at all.

My family is filled with feminists and idiot females (I'm one of 4 men - me, my brother, this cousin, and my dad - all the females are divorced) that are taking the wife's side and have cut my cousin out of the family. It's a weird situation. Now I'm getting shit from them all because I hired his company to put a fence up in my yard. I'm thinking if I'm shunned this might work out for me as I hate their feministic views. Anyways, just a weird anecdote.


My own wife is pissing me off since we bought the house. She's very much "need everything done right now." Essentially everyday I am getting home at about 6PM and she has a laundry list of things we need to do. Keep in mind, none of this involves unpacking anything so our house is still filled with boxes. It's stupid shit like planting flowers, buying chairs and rugs (FUCKING RUGS EVERYWHERE), installing things in the house, tons of more yard work, going to a million places. Usually by midnight I am passed out in a chair somewhere in the house and have to be coaxed into bed where I then wake up at 6AM to go back to work.

Tried to tell her I'm getting burnt out but she won't listen. She genuinely does not understand, especially since she isn't doing the heavy lifting. Even my weekends are filled up. Bout to murder a bitch.

Last night I snapped. We were out so late that I wasn't able to cook dinner for myself until 1AM. I was fuming in the kitchen and I spilled a soda. I threw it at a wall and exploded soda everywhere and screamed "FUCK THIS SHIT." I think that got her attention. She asked what was wrong and I exploded about how I'm sick and tired of the kitchen being a disaster because of all her chores. I think it got the point across as she started putting stuff away. I ate and went right to bed without saying anything. Still mad today. We'll see how it goes.

Lindz hopefully you aren't like this with your husband in your new house.

Cad_sl said:

Now this is guaranteed to piss your wife off, but it makes a point. I kept a tally board one day of "things wife asked me to do" vs. "things I asked wife to do". You know, stupid shit like can you run to the store and get X, can you do <chore you would have done sometime in the next hour but that wasn't good enough>, etc.

It was like 80 to 1 by the end of the day. I showed her at the end of the day and of course it pissed her off, but it also made the point. I don't know why women think we are their servants. Don't be one. I want something done, I don't ask her to do it, I do it, or I buy it. She wants something done, let her do it her fucking self, or have it be a balance between things she helps out with vs. things you help out with.

If you let your marriage get to the point where she's constantly hounding you to do shit that you literally do not give a fuck about, then you are just a ticking time bomb waiting to toss sodas at the wall. Instead of that, you need to go, "baby, you like that stuff. You do it. I'm going to work on unpacking this kitchen, its driving me crazy." Or whatever it is you want to do.

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I've been debating such a list for a long time, it would be close to your 80:1 ratio for sure. Even little things like always stopping at the store on the way home pisses me off. I wouldn't mind it if she would just cool it even for one day. We moved in around one month ago and it's been a whirlwind every single day since.

Also last night I had to move a couch into one of our rooms, turns out all of our rooms have 28" wide doorways essentially meaning you cannot move a couch through the door (entrance is 36 inches or whatever). Took the door off and we were still a few inches short. I had to do some crazy engineering by lifting the couch 45 degrees and rocking it in through the door way but I scratched up the hardwood floor. I was about to end the nearest human beings life.

My wife is having surgery in a couple of weeks. Most likely a hysterectomy. She is in constant pain pretty much, to varying degrees, and it looks like this is what is going to happen. So of course I am concerned about her health, but this is a laproscopy and generally a really safe thing so I'm not really worried. You're all bros so I had mentioned before that our sex life was already just terrible. Over the past year or so I have filled my time with activities, to the point that I was just exhausting myself during this past semester at school. But it helps to kind of distract from how shitty this situation is. So now, of course, it seems likely that she will probably have even less sex drive than the non-existent one she has now, and this is really bumming me out. I never imagined myself in a relationship like this, I always felt sorry for guys in relationships like this, and here I am. I have no idea what to do. Every time I try and talk to her about it, she just has no concept of how difficult this is, to her it is just whatever.

So, genuinely curious about this. For you gents that are married, did you find that shit changed a lot after you got married? Like did the wife start making a lot less effort in terms of their physical appearance, doing shit around the house, being reasonable to get along with? Did they suddenly start expecting you to do a lot of shit differently? No more going out for beers with the dudes, playing hockey/baseball/whatever? Feel free to add details about how long you dated before marriage, for example.

Reason I ask is that in reading through this thread, it seems like the majority of the guys who got married end up in a relationship that's significantly worse than what it was before marriage. Or at least that's the impression I get. I get the same thing from many of the guys I play hockey with. I can't really go by the honest opinions of my truly close friends, as only two of them are married. One says nothing's changed and everything's awesome. The other is a broken man that I've seen about twice since we were kicked out of the Fairmont Chateau Whistler a couple years ago right before his first child was born (sent him off in style).

17 months in to my relationship with my special lady friend, and 5 months after she's moved in with me, everything's still really fucking awesome. Like this discussion you guys are having about being asked to do shit? I'm never asked to do shit. Like, ever. Since she's moved in, she's completely taken over cooking, cleaning (she occasionally has a service come in, but maybe once a month), laundry, grocery shopping, etc. Basically everything domestic. I mean I pay every single bill since she's back in school and only working part time, but other than groceries going up because she likes to spend $100 at the goddamn farmer's market on overpriced produce, it's not like it's costing me any more to live with her than it did when I was single. And I never have to ask her to do shit, because she just does it. Hell if I run out of beer in the fridge, she fills it back up again.

I don't know if she's hankering to get married, the subject never really comes up. I'm not in any particular rush, personally, either for marriage or kids. I don't even know if I want kids, and every indication from her is that she's not interested in the next 3-5 years as she just started a 3 year master's program. So I guess I don't really know what direction to go in. I'd be fine continuing with the way things have been going indefinitely, but I guess I have to check with her if she's cool with that as well, or looking for more.

The easy solution would be to get her a puppy, because that's all she wants that she ever brings up with me, but fuck. that.

Eomer if you fuck up what you have going there I will personally drive up to Canuckistan and dick punch you. Just leave it alone.

Eomer, there is no "great" answer for you. A lot of people have little issues with their relationships, and they hope that by taking the step into marriage, those issues will vanish. This is never the case, and you start to resent your partner for the same shit you used to put up with.

Another issue is that people stop trying. They become comfortable. If you acted in your married life the same way you did while dating, that's an entirely different situation.
The truth is, many people view marriage as the end of the struggle. I'm married, great. Now I can finally relax instead of constantly worrying about shit. For the girl, it might be going out to dinner because they don't have to watch what they're eating anymore (and gain weight in the process). That's true for the male as well. But it's also the little shit.

Both girls and guys like to feel special. The stupid things you would do for one another before marriage need to continue after marriage. Surprises are great in that regard. Settling is what people ultimately resent in their partner. That the other person no longer tries the way they did while dating. That they aren't worth the extra care.

That's the biggest source of relationship drama. Sex falls directly into play with that one.

EDIT: Also, have conversations. Find out if marriage is a long term goal for either of you, or not. You don't want an awesome chick to build resentment towards you just because you never asked her to marry her, and she was kind of expecting it to happen sooner or later. Dialogue is a HUGE thing. This is even more important when it comes to kids. Before even getting pregnant, you need to have LONG conversations about how you would like to raise a child. What types of things you would need. Do you both continue working and get a nanny/day care? Do one of you stop working all together? Maybe get a night job instead? These are all huge decisions, and you need to flush them out before planning on taking any sort of next step.

So find out first if she's in this to hopefully get married, or if she doesn't care about that and genuinely wants to just have a nice life with you. If marriage comes up, then talk about kids because that's the next huge hurdle. If you guys aren't on the same page there, it'll cause TONS of resentment. And lot of that anger will shift to the kids without it even intending for it to happen and the kids don't deserve it.

Good luck! If you're honest with one another, you'll have a great life. Otherwise, it'll end up being a lot of wishing that never really pans out.

Noodleface_sl said:

My cousin has been married for a couple years now, he has two kids (2 and 4). Never really understood why he got with his wife, but it was his decision so I accepted her. Last week he came home with a 21 year old hot piece of ass (10/10) before she had left to go to her parents with the kids, essentially getting caught cheating by being an idiot. His solution? Told his wife to pack her things and hit the road. Kind of a douche move. I don't really know how their marriage was, but I get the idea that it wasn't good at all.

My family is filled with feminists and idiot females (I'm one of 4 men - me, my brother, this cousin, and my dad - all the females are divorced) that are taking the wife's side and have cut my cousin out of the family. It's a weird situation. Now I'm getting shit from them all because I hired his company to put a fence up in my yard. I'm thinking if I'm shunned this might work out for me as I hate their feministic views. Anyways, just a weird anecdote.

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That indeed sounds like a win/win. That sounds unhealthy. Of course I come from a smaller family where we regularly tell each other to go fuck themselves. We also regularly help each other out. But shunning/shaming is not part of the equation. When he finally left my crazy ass aunt, my uncle had to opt out of the entire thing. Some of us would drop by on him from time to time still even after he was divorced. I liked the dude. So did my dad, and they'd been friends back in college. He eventually moved the fuck away... and I suspect those visits might have been part of it.

You can check out any time you like but YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE.

My own wife is pissing me off since we bought the house. She's very much "need everything done right now." Essentially everyday I am getting home at about 6PM and she has a laundry list of things we need to do. Keep in mind, none of this involves unpacking anything so our house is still filled with boxes. It's stupid shit like planting flowers, buying chairs and rugs (FUCKING RUGS EVERYWHERE), installing things in the house, tons of more yard work, going to a million places. Usually by midnight I am passed out in a chair somewhere in the house and have to be coaxed into bed where I then wake up at 6AM to go back to work.

Tried to tell her I'm getting burnt out but she won't listen. She genuinely does not understand, especially since she isn't doing the heavy lifting. Even my weekends are filled up. Bout to murder a bitch.

Last night I snapped. We were out so late that I wasn't able to cook dinner for myself until 1AM. I was fuming in the kitchen and I spilled a soda. I threw it at a wall and exploded soda everywhere and screamed "FUCK THIS SHIT." I think that got her attention. She asked what was wrong and I exploded about how I'm sick and tired of the kitchen being a disaster because of all her chores. I think it got the point across as she started putting stuff away. I ate and went right to bed without saying anything. Still mad today. We'll see how it goes.

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This is a man who need a honeydo list.

Eomer, get her a puppy.

Bear in mind that this thread is the way men vent. Anytime any of these chumps think to themselves "God damn, I really love my wife/kids. It was all worth it" they do not run here to make a post about it.

And when you get her a puppy you need to be aware that you are officially on notice now. She's watching you, deciding if you would make a good father or a bad one.

It would be SOOOOOOOO much easier if women would just come out in simple language and explain what they want. But women don't do that. They have their reasons, I'm sure. No idea what those reasons might be... but sometimes you just have to buy the puppy and leave the "Why?" of it for the Good Lord to answer.