Chanur
Shit Posting Professional
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My wife struggles with this a bit too. Being a mother and wife isn't enough of a calling?
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Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Izo
Tranny Chaser
- 19,564
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Mrs. Izo recently got an okay pay bump. I feel like she should do her fair share accordingly, like I've done for years and years, but don't want to kill her pride and spirits. That's my penis' job, giggity
What do your wives do, and what's an acceptable pay/contribution gap/ratio to you guys?
What do your wives do, and what's an acceptable pay/contribution gap/ratio to you guys?
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Koushirou
Log Wizard
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All of our friends have been getting married, having kids, etc. which is all normal. The weird part is none of them were religious and suddenly every single one of them is not just religious but like…deep religious, born again Christian type shit. Was just back up to go to another friends’ wedding a few weeks ago and yet another suddenly weirdly religious ceremony where there was no hint of that from that friend before. And some mystery wife no one knows that felt like some arranged through the church style marriage. And at the same time find out another friend who had a very successful developer job at 1Password and was high up in the local fire department for over a decade is just giving it all up and selling his house to go move to go to seminary for like 7 years. Again, not a hint of religion from the guy before. I hope everyone’s happy and I’m not trying to judge, but it is fucking weird and it just sort of hit my husband and I that suddenly it’s like our friends are strangers out of nowhere. Personalities changed and everything.
Husband and I are also both completely miserable at our jobs, though I at least get paid enough to justify it. He’s completely depressed at this point; doesn’t enjoy anything anymore, been trying to just hang out with him and keep him company because he can’t even enjoy gaming like he usually does. I don’t really know how to help; what other career can he even transition to from teaching special ed that isn’t just another dumpster fire teaching job?
Husband and I are also both completely miserable at our jobs, though I at least get paid enough to justify it. He’s completely depressed at this point; doesn’t enjoy anything anymore, been trying to just hang out with him and keep him company because he can’t even enjoy gaming like he usually does. I don’t really know how to help; what other career can he even transition to from teaching special ed that isn’t just another dumpster fire teaching job?
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Izo
Tranny Chaser
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Bandwagon
Kolohe
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I have some annoyance since my company was acquired, but still like my job 8 years in. My woman loves her job still 2 years in. Both of us feel like we have 3+ options to move on to if we felt compelled.
I think both of us like it because it's project work. Come up with an approach, deliver on it, market it a bit and then move on to another. If it was the same thing every day it'd get really annoying.
I've had some of the coolest jobs ever and they ALL get old after a few years if it's always the same thing.
I think both of us like it because it's project work. Come up with an approach, deliver on it, market it a bit and then move on to another. If it was the same thing every day it'd get really annoying.
I've had some of the coolest jobs ever and they ALL get old after a few years if it's always the same thing.
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Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
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There's not one. I was prepared to be the only one working if need be. But I wound up with one who makes as much as I do. We each put 50% of our paychecks in a joint account. For a while, it was 65%, but we paid off a couple of loans so that went back down to half and we're saving the extra money to do other things.
How old? He might need to re-train. If he's too old for that, maybe find something he does as a hobby and start a business or get a job doing that.
My wife is a corporate trainer. Surely special ed teaching experience should translate well into that field.
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Fogel
Mr. Poopybutthole
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How old is he and what does he think he'd like to do for work? Sometimes you just need to start over, don't give in to sunk cost fallacy. I got into food manufacturing at 30 and made it into management before I hit 40. It can be very engaging and once you have some experience your job opportunities are endless. People always need to eat and may trust china to make their cheap amazon shit but they'll always eat american.
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Chanur
Shit Posting Professional
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Right now my wife isn't working. When she does though she makes about a third to a fourth of what I do . So I set her contribution when she does appropriately. She pays a third of the rent and maybe one other bill and pays her own other expenses. Right now I pay everything.
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Koushirou
Log Wizard
- 5,183
- 13,115
He’s 35. I have no idea what he wants to do anymore and I don’t think he has one either. Biggest hobby he has is mixology: he enjoys infusing alcohol, coming up with new cocktails, he’ll bartend for neighborhood parties. Not sure if that becoming a job will suck the fun out of it for him but I’ve told him to start applying to the local distillery near us at least. Financially though, I don’t feel like that’s going to be much better than his teacher salary…and we’re comfortable but just barely…
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sleevedraw
Revolver Ocelot
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Spouse makes about twice what I do (salary wise), more if you factor in stock options/equity. We still go 50/50 on everything we aren't buying for our own individual use, although we are both above median American salary and relatively frugal people, so that's not a major lift for either one of us. When he was a starving PhD student, we went 65/35.
We have a prenup. The house automatically passes to the surviving spouse, but savings/investments are firewalled off/not co-mingled.
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Daidraco
Avatar of War Slayer
- 10,332
- 10,752
Ive never insisted or expected a woman to pay for anything house related when they moved in with me. Think my ex raised up my electric bill a whopping 20 bucks when she first moved in? Thats just not enough difference that its putting me in some kind of bind.
But I was with my ex long enough to see that go from something she loved, to trying to compete with how much money we spend on the house for groceries, decorating, furniture, etc. Like.. thank you for helping? But .. you're being weird about it. To the final form - where she said I must have commitment and trust issues since I wont sign on anything with her, and that she feels powerless in any decision making around the house.
Of course there was more shit to it, but ever since she threw that shit back up in my face.. Ive been completely confused.
But I was with my ex long enough to see that go from something she loved, to trying to compete with how much money we spend on the house for groceries, decorating, furniture, etc. Like.. thank you for helping? But .. you're being weird about it. To the final form - where she said I must have commitment and trust issues since I wont sign on anything with her, and that she feels powerless in any decision making around the house.
Of course there was more shit to it, but ever since she threw that shit back up in my face.. Ive been completely confused.
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Control
Bronze Baronet of the Realm
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I guess I've been married long enough that it feels like a weird question (although that also feels like a weird thing to say). I guess I just think that if you're both reasonable people who see eye-to-eye on things, then it shouldn't be an issue. And if you're not, that sounds like a much bigger issue.
Admittedly, most people don't have the drive to run their own business, but with everyone hating public schools now, I would think there's some pretty great opportunities in basically opening a tiny private school. Could start with group tutoring and/or special classes after school and weekends.
Other than that, just pick a technical skill or trade that sounds less shitty than teaching and dive in. If he put in a year of serious effort outside of work, he could probably learn enough to replace his teaching job. It might be a hard pill to swallow, but weigh that against hating every second of your working life for the next 40 years. And didn't you just do something similar? That ought to be a pretty good example for him, if I'm remembering correctly.
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. I'm more concerned about asset protection and unexpected health events than I am divorce tbh
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Cutlery
Kill All the White People
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Tell him to go get a job picking at a warehouse.
I'm serious.
I used to train order pickers. I would see 150-200 new guys a year, spend a couple weeks with them, and invariably I'd get their stories out of them. A lot of people ended up there for the exact reasons you're describing - don't really have any motivation, don't enjoy anything, just needed a change. I'm not telling you this because it's some "change your fucking life, this is most definitely your calling" job. No.
I'm saying it so he can get some perspective. I had a gal come in 2 years ago from teaching - dealing with high school kids. I think she taught PE or some shit at 8th or 9th grade.
"Cool, why the fuck you come here to build pallets for me when you're close to 50?"
"I just can't deal with those kids anymore."
"Bad news for you - all those moron kids? They all work here. Good luck"
She worked one school year, and then she was like "Yeah, you know what, I'm just going to go back to teaching." Yeah, I bet you are, because you realized that the job ain't really that fucking bad, and there's a lot harder ways to make a buck out there.
Many, many people looking for a career change come thru there, I could tell stories for days. But the biggest things are this - 1) gets them outta the house, doing something productive. 2) physical labor makes men feel like men. They enjoy getting dirty and doing shit. 3) most places, overtime flows like water so you can make decent money doing it, and 4) if you don't like it (most people don't), you will absolutely make it a real high priority to find another fucking job and get the fuck outta there. Gives you a lot of time to think too - once you understand whatever system they use, it's mindless work. You just spend the day working, and thinking about how your life sucks and how to get out of it. And by the end of the day, you're too tired to care.
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Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
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I don't understand. What does a prenup have to do with death? That's a will. And why wouldn't savings and investments go to your spouse if you die?
Izo
Tranny Chaser
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Mmm. Over here in northern eurocuckistan you need 2 incomes as the norm for a house and family with kids. Stay at home moms is not a thing in general. It matters greatly if your spouse is a slob / made stupid education choices with poor lifetime income. Add progressive tax brackets, house taxes, 180% taxes on cars etc. It all adds up.
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