Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Cutlery

Cutlery

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Captain Suave said:
Not sure if we're agreeing or not, apologies if so.

As long as now-husband's name stays the deed he will have legal rights to access the property even after divorce, regardless of his residency. If he wants to live at the house there is no legal mechanism to demand he vacate, never mind evict him. A divorce that somehow didn't reassign house ownership just makes him an owner-roommate.

If he's unwilling to leave voluntarily his name must be removed from the deed by Koushirou buying out or being assigned his share (after which he could be evicted). Failing that, the best she can do is to get her equity out by selling the property to a third party as part of the divorce.
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This isn't entirely correct.

I was awarded the house in my divorce. Her name was on it. As soon as she agreed to that stipulation (divorce wasn't even final yet), my lawyer told me to change the locks.

She came back to the house to find out she was locked out, said that her name was still on the house. I told her to talk to her lawyer, because I talked to mine and this is what I was told to do. She stayed out of the house, and her name stayed on the deed until I was able to refinance a year or two later. The divorce decree functioned as superceding the deed.
 
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Captain Suave

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Cutlery said:
This isn't entirely correct.

I was awarded the house in my divorce. Her name was on it. As soon as she agreed to that stipulation (divorce wasn't even final yet), my lawyer told me to change the locks.
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Edit: I can see that, since it's predicated on their agreement.
 
Koushirou

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Just wanted to say a quick thank you for all the advice and support. I sincerely appreciate it. I'm fucking terrified of this whole process and what the future holds now, if anything.
 
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Palum

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Koushirou said:
Just wanted to say a quick thank you for all the advice and support. I sincerely appreciate it. I'm fucking terrified of this whole process and what the future holds now, if anything.
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Don't be, things work out. Life is just like Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. You remember being terrified as a child but eventually grow to remember it fondly. Even though you have no control, you learn to be comforted by the awkward swinging back and forth and you find out you're on a track after all and you figure out where you're going.

Of course then one day a retarded corporation ends it for you to chase a shitty new branding opportunity in a vain attempt to court a new audience to make money, but hey, that's life.
 
Cutlery

Cutlery

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Koushirou said:
Just wanted to say a quick thank you for all the advice and support. I sincerely appreciate it. I'm fucking terrified of this whole process and what the future holds now, if anything.
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That's because you've been together so long you can't imagine anything else.

It was 18 years for me. The first few weekends in the house alone with just the dog were fucking *hard*. But, eventually things get easier and you realize you're only taking care of yourself, instead of you and another adult child. Then things get really easy. You come home and the house is in the same condition you left it in. You check the bank, and there's exactly the amount you left in there. Then you start to wonder why the fuck you put up with that shit for so long. Then you start doing things YOU want to do, instead of what someone else wants you to do.

Then you realize they were a fucking anchor and stop thinking about them. It's not gonna happen in a month or anything, but it will happen.
 
Falstaff

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Palum said:
Don't be, things work out. Life is just like Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. You remember being terrified as a child but eventually grow to remember it fondly. Even though you have no control, you learn to be comforted by the awkward swinging back and forth and you find out you're on a track after all and you figure out where you're going.

Of course then one day a retarded corporation ends it for you to chase a shitty new branding opportunity in a vain attempt to court a new audience to make money, but hey, that's life.
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I have a whole new appreciation for Mr Toad’s Wild Ride, thanks.
 
Hoss

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Koushirou said:
His mom and step-dad have no room for him; he’s got no siblings, etc. to stay with. I think the only person who might remotely take him would be his grandmother, but he’d have to get some kind of internet hooked up there.
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Sounds like his problem. Get him a greyhound ticket to one of those places and wash your hands.

Big Phoenix said:
You cant kick someone out if thats their place of residence. If they wont leave willingly you will need to evict them.
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You can't evict them, but wives have been kicking husbands out of their houses since before any of us were born. He sounds too stupid to get cops involved.
 
Cutlery

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Hoss said:
Sounds like his problem. Get him a greyhound ticket to one of those places and wash your hands.



You can't evict them, but wives have been kicking husbands out of their houses since before any of us were born. He sounds too stupid to get cops involved.
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Even if the cops get involved, just say you're scared. Done and done.

The system is broken, but might as well make it work for you.
 
TJT

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Cad said:
You'd be surprised how hard it is to hide money these days. I did a divorce for a friend a few years ago and we pulled husband's credit report, got all his bank accounts, subpoenaed all the bank records going back for their 7 year marriage. If you hide cash or keep bitcoin its one thing but if you have any "secret" accounts they are easily found.
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Got it.

So if you get divorced liquidate everything you can and convert to Bitcoin. Put it in cold storage. Hide it somewhere in plain sight so to speak. Like inside your PC tower just not connected to anything. Don't open an old school box at the bank.
 
Noodleface

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I imagine part of the hesitation here is you've known this dude for a long time and even though you aren't in love with him you still care where he winds up. It's easy for us from the sidelines to say "hey fuck this guy!" But I'm sure that's easier said than done.

I don't know anything about divorce (surprised??), so I wish you the best.

Does he know this is happening? I feel like if I were this dude I'd know by now.
 
BrutulTM

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Hoss said:
You can't evict them, but wives have been kicking husbands out of their houses since before any of us were born. He sounds too stupid to get cops involved.
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I knew a guy once that sold his bed on Craigslist to get his ex-wife to move out.
 
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Koushirou

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Noodleface said:
I imagine part of the hesitation here is you've known this dude for a long time and even though you aren't in love with him you still care where he winds up. It's easy for us from the sidelines to say "hey fuck this guy!" But I'm sure that's easier said than done.

I don't know anything about divorce (surprised??), so I wish you the best.

Does he know this is happening? I feel like if I were this dude I'd know by now.
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Yeah, he knows I'm not happy and I'm basically done. He's trying to "fix" it in whatever way he can, but I think even in a world where all my concerns suddenly were addressed, I guess how do I know he won't just eventually get comfortable again over time and end up having the same problems. I do still love him, just not the same way, and I definitely still care a lot about him and want him to be alright. It doesn't help I'm generally very motivated by making other people happy, many times to the detriment of myself. I feel extremely selfish about this whole thing and that I'm definitely worse of a person for doing it. But yeah, I'm not really going to go around hiding money, or trying to deliberately fuck him out of shit. I couldn't do that to someone, especially someone I have and still care about. (I do want to grab that standing desk, though...)
 
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Hoss

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Cutlery said:
Even if the cops get involved, just say you're scared. Done and done.

The system is broken, but might as well make it work for you.
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I had something like that typed but deleted it. What I was going to say was, threaten him that you will say that. But don't actually make any false reports
 
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Control

Control

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Koushirou said:
(I do want to grab that standing desk, though...)
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Perfect excuse to spend some cash on self-improvement stuff! Get the desk and a nice treadmill to go with it and/or some other fitness stuff. (and lets face it, it's not like he's going to want your exercise gear)
 
Chysamere

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Take that trip to Japan you've always wanted once you get all this sorted out. Something to look forward to.
 
Cad

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TJT said:
Got it.

So if you get divorced liquidate everything you can and convert to Bitcoin. Put it in cold storage. Hide it somewhere in plain sight so to speak. Like inside your PC tower just not connected to anything. Don't open an old school box at the bank.
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Ideally there needs to be some reason the money is gone. You can't just withdraw it all and then go "whoopsie daisy" - thats a great way to get a judgment against you for the amount you essentially stole from the marital estate. Casino is good, took a vacation, etc... oh sorry I lost the receipts. You have to lie but lie in a way thats not documentable.

But yes people do this all the time and courts are essentially powerless to stop it, especially with normal-people amounts of money. If it's millions they hire forensic accountants and tear your story apart.
 
BrutulTM

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Yeah you can have a nice weekend in Vegas for $1000 and then come back saying you lost $8k trying to learn to play craps or something.
 
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