Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Goddamn... most of this shit sounds terrible. I've been in the situation you described twice. What seems to be a trend to me is... if you allow a woman to stay at home she will. She isn't going to just suddenly get ambitious mostly because she has found a provider so in her mind why would she do anything? I couldn't tolerate it, maybe you can. It works for some people. But that shit isn't gonna change man. She'll probably just graduate and then never do anything with her degree because she's fucking lazy and found her meal ticket.

One of my exes stopped everything she was doing to try to become a photographer. I made a website for her, payed to host it, set up software to catalog her photos automatically, thumbnail them, and gave her a very easy to use UI to set up separate user accounts and password protect individuals shoots and access to their photos that way. I would also go with her to help her photograph in my free time when she landed a job (that usually I helped her get through my own networks). It would take her months to publish the photos and get them to her customers. Months. And she was working maybe 10 hours a week. And she would complain to me about how it's not fair that I take the garage parking space in the house that I own that she doesn't even pay me rent to live in because "I'm your girlfriend, I should get to park in the garage when it snows". Goddamn this is bringing back bad memories. I did everything I could to help her succeed and she didn't do jack shit and her "business" failed before it even started.

I just can't fathom putting up with the amount of bullshit some of you guys do. Seriously, do you have such a small sense of self worth that you feel these bitches are the best you can do? I just don't understand how men get so desperate for one chick. ESPECIALLY those of you pulling 100k+ a year. Get some goddamn self respect, Jesus.

Celestein_sl said:

Yeah, that's kind of where I feel like this is going. I've told her several times after she graduates she has to work again, but I'm starting to feel like she doesn't believe I'm serious about it. She just whines about wanting to do X, but isn't willing to do anything towards those goals without me basically pushing her into it.

At the end of the day, I wouldn't mind being someone's meal ticket, if they took their role seriously. But being a provider to a mediocre house-wife just fills me with disgust when I think about it.

It sucks, because I enjoy every other aspect of our relationship, but I feel like since I made the mistake of opening up the path, I can't close it without basically ending the relationship.

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Welcome to my EXACT current conundrum pretty much.

Mo' Money Mo' Problems!

I never bitch about my job. I own a small construction business and everything that goes wrong is my fault. If one of my employees fucks up I either didn't train him well enough or need to replace him if it's his problem. If business is slow it's not the economy, I didn't market the business properly. That's the way I've always looked and things and bitching about my job is just bitching about my incompetence. And also I'm a fucking man and I do what I gotta do without bitching. One of the side effects of this with my ex-wife was that she convinced herself that I had a worry and stress free cushy job. Because she constantly bitched about her social service job meant that hers was defiantly more stressful and tough than my job and me making $60K more than her per year despite me barely graduating high school and her having her masters was the greatest injustice in the universe.

My jimmies are defiantly rustled thinking about that shit.

Celestein_sl said:

Yeah, that's kind of where I feel like this is going. I've told her several times after she graduates she has to work again, but I'm starting to feel like she doesn't believe I'm serious about it. She just whines about wanting to do X, but isn't willing to do anything towards those goals without me basically pushing her into it.

At the end of the day, I wouldn't mind being someone's meal ticket, if they took their role seriously. But being a provider to a mediocre house-wife just fills me with disgust when I think about it.

It sucks, because I enjoy every other aspect of our relationship, but I feel like since I made the mistake of opening up the path, I can't close it without basically ending the relationship.

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I've never met a stay at home mom who actually appreciated her situation. My wife's mother does not work and the only child in the house is like 14. She is constantly talking about how tiered she is and how she did so much today. Which basically equates to watching Animal Planet for 4 hours then taking a nap. She also babies the fuck out of the kid (who may be older than 14 now) by still making his lunch of like a PB&J and always cleaning up after him and never forcing him to do anything around the house. But I keep those concerns mostly to myself. The one time I brought it up to my wife things did not go well. Apparently "Well ... he's babied and kind of weird" is not an appropriate thing to say to your wife when she's complaining about him getting bullied!

Tenks that kid is going to turn out exactly like my brother-in-law. He's 20 now and still lives at home, his parents pay for everything, he's vastly immature (talks in a baby voice a lot), and he has no sense of the real world.

Deathwing_sl said:

Should I link that stay-at-home moms infographic sarcastically before kirun does it seriously?

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Okay, I had to see what you were talking about.



Holy crap what bullshit. I hope no one takes that seriously.

Draegan_sl said:

I'm assuming you're not married or have a long term girlfriend. Because this sounds like some bullshit from a guy who has never lived with a woman for any period of time.

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This is the "check your privilege" line of this thread. The conversation ender. "Oh you obviously must not be married if you think you wouldn't put up with that" or the "lol non-married guy thinks he can retain his dignity." Well I counter with the equally unproductive statement of "maybe your relationship just sucks?"

There are plenty of guys right here describing a marriage in which they don't, in fact, have to put up with that kind of bullshit. All of my relationships have been that way, and they ended because I was young, not because what I was doing was unsustainable. So no, me not being married is not relevant to the discussion of whether or not you should be a pushover to a woman just because she's more aggressive than you.

She'd be bitching at you about this perceived discrepancy no matter what your two jobs were. Its called solipsism.

Tenks_sl said:

I've never met a stay at home mom who actually appreciated her situation. My wife's mother does not work and the only child in the house is like 14. She is constantly talking about how tiered she is and how she did so much today. Which basically equates to watching Animal Planet for 4 hours then taking a nap. She also babies the fuck out of the kid (who may be older than 14 now) by still making his lunch of like a PB&J and always cleaning up after him and never forcing him to do anything around the house. But I keep those concerns mostly to myself. The one time I brought it up to my wife things did not go well. Apparently "Well ... he's babied and kind of weird" is not an appropriate thing to say to your wife when she's complaining about him getting bullied!

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Jesus Titty Christ am I glad I recently ended a relationship with a woman that had that same dynamic going with her son. That experience left me so scarred I seriously won't even consider dating a single mom with a lone boy. Not a fucking chance. I weep for the future. The number of boys being raised by single moms that baby their sons and treat them like little boyfriends that can do no wrong is staggering. I actually weep for my daughter that's going to grow up having to date these effeminate, spoiled weirdos.

Hey man, you dunno. Your daughter might grow up to get off on shitting in some dudes mouth.

For every yang there's a yin.

Tenks_sl said:

I've never met a stay at home mom who actually appreciated her situation. My wife's mother does not work and the only child in the house is like 14. She is constantly talking about how tiered she is and how she did so much today. Which basically equates to watching Animal Planet for 4 hours then taking a nap. She also babies the fuck out of the kid (who may be older than 14 now) by still making his lunch of like a PB&J and always cleaning up after him and never forcing him to do anything around the house. But I keep those concerns mostly to myself. The one time I brought it up to my wife things did not go well. Apparently "Well ... he's babied and kind of weird" is not an appropriate thing to say to your wife when she's complaining about him getting bullied!

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Yeah, I try to be understanding with my wife, we do have three kids and they are young so yeah, it is hard sometimes, I know that, I get it. But I work, go to school pretty much full time, and I feel like I have to do everything in our house because she just doesn't and uses the kids as an excuse for everything. The house is a disaster because the kids, can't plan meals because of them, can't cook, can't shop, etc etc. It is fucking infuriating, because I have to do all of that shit while I watch the kids so I can "give her a break". This is after I get wake up at 4, work all day, fight traffic in DC to come home, then get my kids, force them to clean up their own messes because she just doesn't, clean whatever else there is, cook dinner, put them to bed, oh and now I get to do homework. But she needs a break. The kids are going in day care this fall and my oldest starts kindergarten, so no more of that shit.