Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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The comfort of marriage goes both ways. Although I'm still newly married I still lived with my wife for almost two years prior to formally getting married. Women get comfortable and men just stop trying. Just because she's your wife doesn't mean hassling her while in the middle of something and just saying "Wanna have sex?" is going to lead to good results. I've found much better results if I'm sweet and nice hours before trying to initiate sex. Does that mean I have to pry myself away from video games and give her attention if I want to get laid? Yep. And if I was giving it my best shot and still getting laid less than once a week on average I'd have a discussion about it. Not make a spreadsheet and act like a meek little cunt about it. From the sounds of it the dude never brought up his issues and expected his wife to be a mind reader.
TheBeagle
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Women don't have to be mind readers to know that their husbands need sex on the reg....
You act like the wife has some special reward between her legs that must be quested for every day by her knight of flowers. It's supposed to be a two way street, the whole marriage thing.
You act like the wife has some special reward between her legs that must be quested for every day by her knight of flowers. It's supposed to be a two way street, the whole marriage thing.
That is an extraordinarily one-sided way of looking at the situation. Women work differently than men. I honestly don't think most understand the way guys work in that our fucked up brains keep telling us we need to have sex and have it right now. Getting married isn't investing a few years into being a good person and good partner and then the payoff is routine sex without even trying.
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So? Just because a guy "needs" sex(ridiculous and sexist premise, btw), a woman is expected to fuck him without any effort at initiation on his part?
Tuco
I got Tuco'd!
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imo, both women and men in a relationship are responsible for initiating and being receptive to sex. And both a man and a woman are responsible for educating and communicating with each other what they did.
If the guy is doing all he can to care for and initiate and getting blockaded, there's a problem.
If the guy is doing jack and shit then demanding sex, there's a problem.
To take it even further, if a guy is blocked unless he spends a couple hours romancing his wife to earn her rolling over and letting him have his way, there's a problem.
If the guy is doing all he can to care for and initiate and getting blockaded, there's a problem.
If the guy is doing jack and shit then demanding sex, there's a problem.
To take it even further, if a guy is blocked unless he spends a couple hours romancing his wife to earn her rolling over and letting him have his way, there's a problem.
TheBeagle
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Who said that? But you guys are acting like this dude walks into the bedroom at 10:30 in a loincloth, demands sex, doesn't get it, then goes and makes a spreadsheet, completely absolving the wife of any responsibility for the health of their sex life.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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I can kind of relate to where this guy is coming from if he was in a similar situation to the one I was in a few years ago. I was in a relationship that was starting to devolve, she was cold and distant and every time I tried to talk to her she would shut it down. "Nothing is wrong, stop asking". So after weeks of this I got the bright idea to write her an email about how it was affecting me and us. I sent it to her the day before I was leaving for a 3 day road trip.
Boy was that a bad idea. In my head at the time I thought "This needs to be said, I will write this email and she will have time to read it and think about it and she won't feel like I'm attacking her face to face. Then when I get back we will be able to have a serious talk after she's mulled it over". What actually happened was "You wrote me a fucking email? That's the most impersonal thing I've ever witnessed, maybe we should just go our separate ways". We ended up working it out, things got better and we were together for another 6 months before things went right back to that and we eventually broke up. I had good intentions, and I was trying to force her hand since she wasn't responding to me at all and something really did have to give, but that was a lesson. I'll never do something like that again.
Presenting them with something on paper that spells out everything makes them understand how serious it is and they can't just wave it off and walk away from it like they can a conversation. But women hate that shit because they see it as scorekeeping rather than a form of discussion.
Boy was that a bad idea. In my head at the time I thought "This needs to be said, I will write this email and she will have time to read it and think about it and she won't feel like I'm attacking her face to face. Then when I get back we will be able to have a serious talk after she's mulled it over". What actually happened was "You wrote me a fucking email? That's the most impersonal thing I've ever witnessed, maybe we should just go our separate ways". We ended up working it out, things got better and we were together for another 6 months before things went right back to that and we eventually broke up. I had good intentions, and I was trying to force her hand since she wasn't responding to me at all and something really did have to give, but that was a lesson. I'll never do something like that again.
Presenting them with something on paper that spells out everything makes them understand how serious it is and they can't just wave it off and walk away from it like they can a conversation. But women hate that shit because they see it as scorekeeping rather than a form of discussion.
Frenzied Wombat
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Though I guess it's possible, I doubt the dude started up a spreadsheet tracker without any precedence to do so. Based upon my own personal experience, whether it be chores or sex, when one person feels they're being wronged they start taking mental note of the transgressions. Then, when you have an argument about it, you use these mental notes as evidence. If that doesn't work, or its still refuted, I guess the next plausible step if you really wanted to prove your point would be written record. More than likely it was an ongoing issue that she denied, and he wanted hard evidence to prove his point. That's the logical explanation at least, but its certainly possible the guy was just pissed off and wanted retribution of some sort, albeit tacky.
Tuco
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It seems like that email was the catalyst to solve the problem, no?
Either way you get around that with a handwritten letter, imo. Nobody writes hand written shit anymore so it's soooo special.
I should write a hand written note to my wife telling her how much I love her, but then I know she'd never throw it away...
Frenzied Wombat
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I almost *always* use an email or typewritten letter to broach "serious talks". IMHO it's the only way to get your point across without being constantly interrupted and having to deal with defensive histrionics.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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In the end I guess it was. The funny thing is if that had been a text message she wouldn't have reacted that way at all. But an email was the worst possible thing I could have done in her mind.
Tuco
I got Tuco'd!
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Oh her only hook to try to maintain some sense of victimization was to cling to the method of communication you used to inform her how she acted. If you had sung her a sonnet, she might've brought up some comment you made about her mum a month ago and used that as her foil.
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You heavily implied it, Tenks came to the same conclusion. And yes, if that's all the effort the male put into getting sex, that would absolve the other party.
alavaz
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Bullshit that would absolve the other party. Is that how you approach relationships? Oh hey your effort wasn't good enough, it's your fault and I take no responsibility. Never-mind that your efforts were fine before, they aren't now and fuck you if you think I will actually tell you what I would rather you do instead.
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I'm assuming in this silly hypothetical, the wife is telling the husband he's being ridiculous.
Keep in mind that I'm leaning toward the wife in this specific discussion because Beagle led off with "their husbands need sex on the reg". You're not going to have an open discussion if you start off with the expectation of sex.
Keep in mind that I'm leaning toward the wife in this specific discussion because Beagle led off with "their husbands need sex on the reg". You're not going to have an open discussion if you start off with the expectation of sex.
BrotherWu
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My wife turned me down last night. I am starting a spreadsheet. It's fucking brilliant.
EDIT: In all seriousness, what man who has been married for some time does not feel this guy's pain? Most women will never understand the urgency of the male drive. Millions of years of evolution leading to our bedroom.
Incidentally, is there an evolutionary basis for the male drive being higher and declining later and at a slower rate? Is there one? Is it partially cultural? The only thing I can think of is that, from the female view, perhaps too many offspring would put those that had lived to the current moment at risk of not receiving enough resources.
EDIT: In all seriousness, what man who has been married for some time does not feel this guy's pain? Most women will never understand the urgency of the male drive. Millions of years of evolution leading to our bedroom.
Incidentally, is there an evolutionary basis for the male drive being higher and declining later and at a slower rate? Is there one? Is it partially cultural? The only thing I can think of is that, from the female view, perhaps too many offspring would put those that had lived to the current moment at risk of not receiving enough resources.
