Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Nester

Nester

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Phazael_sl said:
@Nester-
We had some friends go through that and they dumped something like over a quarter mil into fertility treatments and came up empty. My wife and I have zero plans to ever have kids and mentioning that to them sort of made them bitter at us. Of course their situation was made worse by the fact that the husband refused adoption as an option because he wanted the kid to be genetically his. Have you guys considered adopting or is having your own genetic mini me a deal breaker?
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It was a deal breaker for me (not her) for a long time, in the past year I have changed my tune as the joy of a family has trumped my quest to pass down my genes. In canada you get kicked off the wait list if you are going through any fertility treatment so your really not allowed to hedge your bets and explore both options at once.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

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I think I am ok with adopting but I feel like my wife has a desire to continue the genetic line. We aren't even remotely close to having to make that decision yet though. I told my wife that we could see doctors after 1 year of trying and I think we're at around 8 months or something.
 
opiate82

opiate82

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NoodleAnus_sl said:
I think I am ok with adopting but I feel like my wife has a desire to continue the genetic line. We aren't even remotely close to having to make that decision yet though. I told my wife that we could see doctors after 1 year of trying and I think we're at around 8 months or something.
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Even fertility specialist will tell you to wait till the ~1 year mark. Also aside from passing on their genes, the other thing that women want is the experience of being pregnant, don't discount that aspect of her desire to spawn either.

I hope everything goes well for you, we dealt with 4 years of unexplained infertility. It was very very rough at times (and expensive!) but we will have our first little one by the end of the month. Hope your journey is much smoother than ours, but if you have any questions about treatments, process, etc. there are several of us on the board that have gone through this stuff before.
 
D

Dabamf_sl

shitlord
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Noodle, when she finally does get pregnant, confront her and say you've know you were infertile your whole life but never told her, and now you know she cheated on you.

It's the ultimate practical joke.
 
Famm

Famm

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Its almost as if women are biologically designed to reproduce in their teens and twenties. Why would nature defy our grand sociocultural constructs though? Must be stress.
 
Vandyn

Vandyn

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Going back to the discussion on having kids when you are older, it's one of the primary reasons why we only had one. We were both what you would consider 'older' when my daughter was born (she was 38, I was 33) and by the time we considered another one, she was close to forty and didn't want to be in a situation where she would be pushing 60 when the kid was close to HS graduation. But we've always said that if we were 5 years younger we would of had another in a heartbeat.

I do think having kids are made for younger people though. Getting up all the time, changing diapers, generally caring for an infant/toddler when you are in your mid 30's isn't easy.
 
Khane

Khane

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Vandyn_sl said:
I do think having kids are made for younger people though. Getting up all the time, changing diapers, generally caring for an infant/toddler when you are in your mid 30's isn't easy.
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I would argue that it's easier. Not because you are better at dealing with the exhaustion or something (that most certainly is harder as you get older) but for the following:

- You're most likely well established in your career, so taking time off, dealing with deadlines and juggling your responsibilities is easier and more acceptable at your place of employment. You also have more experience so it's easier for you to get your job done and still have a balanced home life without having to work overtime.
- You've most likely gone through your party phase and won't have nearly as much regret or bitterness about not being able to hang out and party with friends. In fact, most of your friends are probably doing the same thing you are with kids of their own
- You're most likely much more financially stable and capable of actually taking care of the child and being a good parent

Now, I don't have children but I can only imagine how much harder it would be for me if I had them in my early-mid 20s as compared to having them now. And I think my career certainly would have suffered if I had children early. Having kids young is a fool's errand if you ask me.
 
Soygen

Soygen

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Yeah, economically you're almost always better off having a kid in your mid 30's. Physically and mentally, not so much. I'm very thankful I never got anyone pregnant in my 20's. Looking back, I was still basically a kid in my 20's.

I'm 38 and my girlfriend is 34. She has a son from her previous marriage. I kind of want my own kids, but I also like our free time when her son is with his father every weekend. I think being a part-time step dad is maybe better suited to me. Time will tell, but there isn't much time left in that regard. If it doesn't happen in the next two years, it probably never will.
 
Khane

Khane

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Physically sure, but mentally there is no way a 20 year old is better equipped than a 30 year old.
 
Soygen

Soygen

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<Nazi Janitors>
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I mean mentally dealing with very little sleep. I could deal with no problem at 22. At 38, if I get anything less than 7.5 hours of sleep, I feel it all day long. And I'm in better shape now than I was in my 20s! I guess that's really physical as well, though. Yeah, scratch the "mental" comment.
 
D

Draegan_sl

2 Minutes Hate
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I'm 33 and I had no problem with my daughter physically. Sure I was tired as fuck a lot, but I got over it. Mentally I wouldn't of been able to do it as well 5-10 years ago.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

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I have a trick up my sleeve though. I was an engineering major, I know how to operate on 1 hour of sleep for extended periods of time
 
Vandyn

Vandyn

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I was speaking more on the physical part. Not just from a guy point of view either, most doctors will tell you that 35+ is basically when you start having a higher percentage of issues. I agree having them older is a better situation economic wise. To me the ideal age is probably around 30 (for both parents) but nothing ever usually winds up 'ideal' for a variety of circumstances.
 
K

Kedwyn

Silver Squire
3,915
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If you are going to have trouble, waiting until your 32-35+ is going to cost you a lot of money and heart ache as you go through tons of expensive procedures with no better than a coin flip (usually much lower) chance of getting your kid.

Some people can crank kids out in their late 30's and even 40's while others start to have trouble even in their early 30's even late twenties. Depends a lot on your personal issues. The trend does seem to be people are having kids later and later and the fertility doctors are making bank on it all.

We have a lot of friends that have been waiting until their 30 or so to start trying for kids. What I've seen is most of them are in some kind of fertility treatment. Nature may want us to have kids earlier but society and economic pressures are pushing the age later and later.

There is a WORLD of difference between most people's state of mind, relationship etc in their 30's than in their twenties. Life is the best educator and that experience is something many in their teens / twenties don't have any of but think instead "I've got this shit I gots me a degree"
 
Gravy

Gravy

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After the first few years, we didn't use birth control anymore, but the kids just didn't happen. We batted around the adoption idea, but it just never happened.

I find it interesting (sociologically speaking) when guys have that need to pass on their genes to the next group, or women who absolutely need to have a baby. I guess neither of us really had that strong parental urge.
 
T

Tenks

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Gravy_sl said:
After the first few years, we didn't use birth control anymore, but the kids just didn't happen. We batted around the adoption idea, but it just never happened.

I find it interesting (sociologically speaking) when guys have that need to pass on their genes to the next group, or women who absolutely need to have a baby. I guess neither of us really had that strong parental urge.
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I'm of the same mind in the latter point. Neither one of us are dying to have children. We'll need to figure it out soon'ish though what we want, though. I'm of a "take it or leave it" mind set which I feel if I feel that way I should probably not have kids.
 
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