Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Khane_sl said:

I think this is the way it is for most normal people who have actual, real friends. It isn't even a topic of discussion for myself and my friends. Sometimes we split the bill, sometimes someone picks it up, sometimes I pick it up and it is never even close to an issue. Of course I don't have any friends who have fallen on hard times or are just straight up losers.

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The friends I've made since I moved to CA are like that too. Some of my friends back in Cincy as poorAF. We're planning on meeting in Vegas Halloween weekend and the budget constraints are maddening. I don't have to deal with any of that shit with my SF friends.

This talk reminds me of how much I hate when my in-laws come in town. They are always boasting about buying a new x or y, but when they come in town we've sometimes treated them to dinner, they never reciprocated. So I told the wife to put an end to that, and when they do pay, they pay the exact amount they owe, no tip involved, they either don't care or just expect us to pick up the whole tip(thinking they don't care because I've seen the tip they left when we did split checks). And this whole time they are in town they are A)staying at my house for free B)being chauffeured around town in our car with our gas(includes picking them up and dropping them off at the airport so they don't have to rent a car or take a taxi) and I usually take time off work to make time for them, and C)They NEVER pay or offer to pay for parking while I'm taking them out to these places in the city. It always ends up being an expense when they come in town and they can't even treat us to dinner once. I just can't understand people like that.

Oh and to top it off, one time after chauffeuring them around town all day one day they even SAID they were going to treat us to dinner, but when the server asked us if it would be together or separate bills they said separate! And this is at fucking T.G.I.Fridays because the mother-in-law is super fucking picky with food and will only eat things like meat and potatoes, we're talking $50 meal, tax, and tip and they wouldn't even spring for that. FUCK, sorry this turned into a rant.

Heh my parents are the exact opposite. They have a decent amount of money now but boast about nothing and flat out refuse to let either myself or my brother pay for anything. Probably because they both agree my uncle is kind of a jackass with how much he talks about his finances at holiday get togethers and actively try not to be like him. I've found the most annoying people are the ones who are teetering on the edge of rich but not actually there yet. So they try and sell this projection of their wealth but still have to be mindful of their spending because they don't have an unlimited supply of cash.

Tuco_sl said:

Yeah small business owners are probably on the other end of the spectrum. They know their cost to earning ratio is what grows their business (among other things), where as a salesman feels he needs to increase his display of spending to make more sales.

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Who are these mythical salesmen you speak of?

Draegan_sl said:

Who are these mythical salesmen you speak of?

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Sounds like you've never met or dealt with a salesman. They are pretty much all (well the successful ones anyway) exactly as Tuco described.

IDK my dad is a regional salesman for a major roofing company and he kind of adopts an "aw shucks" and good-old-boy attitude with his customers. But I guess that is a slightly different animal since I don't think Burt's Roofing would like buying their roofing supplies from someone in an Armani suit. Every real estate agent I worked with did try and project this aura of money, though.

I guess we should narrow that down to "corporate white collar salesman".

Khane_sl said:

Sounds like you've never met or dealt with a salesman. They are pretty much all (well the successful ones anyway) exactly as Tuco described.

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I was asking what kind of salesman. Seeing how I'm a regional account manager (read: Fancy salesman title). I don't know anyone who is like that. Unless he meant real estate agents or car salesmen/dealers or yacht salespeeps.

edit:
Seems Tuco meant hollywood versions of salesmen!

I would never trust a salesman who was all flashy like that. I would just assume he was taking me. Now the more down to earth, "aw shucks" guys like Tenks mentioned? Yeah they actuallydotake me a lot of times.

My parents and in-laws won't let me pay for anything. Even though I make really decent money they just won't allow it, it isn't even a discussion and every time I try to pay they look at me like I'm crazy.

How do you make decent money? I don't pay you that much to be a mod.

mures_sl said:

This talk reminds me of how much I hate when my in-laws come in town.They are always boasting about buying a new x or y, but when they come in town we've sometimes treated them to dinner, they never reciprocated. So I told the wife to put an end to that, and when they do pay, they pay the exact amount they owe, no tip involved, they either don't care or just expect us to pick up the whole tip(thinking they don't care because I've seen the tip they left when we did split checks). And this whole time they are in town they are A)staying at my house for free B)being chauffeured around town in our car with our gas(includes picking them up and dropping them off at the airport so they don't have to rent a car or take a taxi) and I usually take time off work to make time for them, and C)They NEVER pay or offer to pay for parking while I'm taking them out to these places in the city. It always ends up being an expense when they come in town and they can't even treat us to dinner once. I just can't understand people like that.

Oh and to top it off, one time after chauffeuring them around town all day one day they even SAID they were going to treat us to dinner, but when the server asked us if it would be together or separate bills they said separate! And this is at fucking T.G.I.Fridays because the mother-in-law is super fucking picky with food and will only eat things like meat and potatoes, we're talking $50 meal, tax, and tip and they wouldn't even spring for that. FUCK, sorry this turned into a rant.

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Bolded part makes me wonder if they are just taking out loans, debt, credit cards to fund their lifestyle but they are otherwise totally at their limits. Or just cheap. Or both.

We've already established in this thread 50% of Americans can't even scrape together $2000 in 30 days. So it isn't out of the realm they spend every dime on luxuries.

Draegan_sl said:

How do you make decent money? I don't pay you that much to be a mod.

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I'm on the take!

Tuco_sl said:

Yeah that shit blows my mind. Most of the people I know who talk to me about, "Oh yeah I'm going to get that next Friday when my paycheck comes in and I can afford it." or say, "Things are tight right now, I won't be able to pay for <some necessary item>" I just want to sit down with them and go over where they spend their money and see where the fat is.

My wife grew up in a family that spent everything they had, she came into our relationship with the 'afford' mentality. The kind of mentality that says, "If you want something and you can afford it, then get it.". She's very cheap and we don't have any financial arguments, but I had to break that mentality from her. I would tell her, "If you make your purchasing decisions based on what you can afford, you'll always be stuck making being limited by what you can afford."

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Yes living paycheck to paycheck sounds miserable. However coming from a household where I'm sure my parents had to do that for a while I can understand some families just have to make the best of what they've got. But we weren't going out and buying TVs or spending huge chunks of money on entertainment. But two kids and a stay-at-home mom ain't cheap. And this is when my dad basically worked at a hardware supply store.

Tuco_sl said:

Yeah that shit blows my mind. Most of the people I know who talk to me about, "Oh yeah I'm going to get that next Friday when my paycheck comes in and I can afford it." or say, "Things are tight right now, I won't be able to pay for <some necessary item>" I just want to sit down with them and go over where they spend their money and see where the fat is.

My wife grew up in a family that spent everything they had, she came into our relationship with the 'afford' mentality. The kind of mentality that says, "If you want something and you can afford it, then get it.". She's very cheap and we don't have any financial arguments, but I had to break that mentality from her. I would tell her, "If you make your purchasing decisions based on what you can afford, you'll always be stuck making being limited by what you can afford."

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When my wife and I were dating I had to break her of that habit as well. I said if the first inclination towards something is, "oh that's shiny" then you're not allowed to get it. Now we're all pretty reasonable.

Tuco_sl said:

I know you're mostly bullshitting me, but have you never met groups of people who have money and proudly display how much money they have, and have a career where the amount of money they show is a strong determinant in how much money they can continue to make?

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Sure, but that comes with any profession.