Marriage and the Power of Divorce

chaos_sl said:

Luxury means more than just that, bro.



Some of these women take it too far. Yes, it deserves credit, it is a monotonous job that not a lot of people want to do, at least not properly and not without costing an arm and a leg. But they aren't saving the world every day anymore than I am doing to work and school. It is just shit that has to get done.

If I never had to clean up again, ever, all I would need is a sexbot and I'm pretty much set. You're fucking crazy if you don't think that is a luxury.

Click to expand...

I think the word you're looking for actually is "trade-off" in your case chaos. This is what I said:

Because if you never had to do any chores ever again that is kind of luxurious *IF* you still have a ton of disposable income to spend on entertainment.

Click to expand...

Doesn't sound like you have that. So it's a trade-off. The trade-off is you married a woman who didn't have a career, and it made economic sense for her to stay at home because her income wasn't enough to justify her going to work while also paying for daycare for the children. That's not luxury dog. As wombat said. If the two of you made enough money together you could pay someone else to do all the things she is doing. Landscaping, house-cleaning, and nannying AND you wouldn't have to worry that if you lost your job or wanted to, say, move to a promising young startup at a pay-cut you'd be able to without crippling your family's lifestyle.

TJT_sl said:

It isn't the interest rate that bothers me its that she pretty much lives paycheck to paycheck. This is despite her profession being on how to grow you financial assets and limit tax liability. Do as I say not as I do kind of thing. Her knowledge of Family Law is very extensive. We do make similar money sure, but whose to say someone who knows the system couldn't take you to the cleaners anyway?

Click to expand...

Would you not be able to hire a lawyer that knows the system just as well?

chaos_sl said:

Having that as well as having someone to take care of the kdis and various household things, yeah, sure as shit is.

Click to expand...

Well I mean, one is completely reliant on the other, but the opposite is not true. I guess stay-at-homes feel the need to be more heralded because they aren't respected as much although in this modern day I'm not really sure that's true. A man who works 40+ hours to provide for that outcome, forgoing the opportunity to spend much time with his child sure isn't heralded, that's just what's expected of them.

They need to blow their own horns for the same reason that the guy at work who is never busy needs to constantly tell everyone how swamped he is.

I can see it making financial sense sometimes but don't forget to factor in the damage it does to their job prospects in the future in alot of cases. That depends entirely on what they do now tho so is pretty hard to judge in abstract. For lots of industries spending 6-8 years out makes it nearly impossible to get back in. So you gotta consider lost earnings even in your mid forties through 50s when the kids are grown and don't need constant monitoring and the wife is back to work.

Dabamf_sl said:

Social norm where? You are ESL, correct? Where are you from, do you currently live there, and is your wife from there also?

Click to expand...

Answer please

Deathwing_sl said:

I've definitely considered "letting" my wife be a stay at home mother. Jesus christ, she's fucking horny on days she stays home but I have to work. The relatively small difference between her salary and daycare costs makes that much easier too. All the other stuff Brother Wu mentioned would be nice too. Except the lawn. I ain't trusting her to do that. I barely trust myself. Ran over a water main access cap last summer.

And just to be clear, by "letting", I mean I would ok with it on my end. She'd have to want it too.

Click to expand...

She mowed our lawn once.. one time. It was the most erratic shit I had ever seen. Lines crossing diagonally all over the place, missed spots, somehow used a whole tank of gas when I use 1/4-1/2 at most. Said it took her hours. No trimming.

I mean, you can't fuck up the grass lines. That's like telling your neighbors "look at this piece of shit, I suck at mowing my lawn"

NoodleAnus_sl said:

She mowed our lawn once.. one time. It was the most erratic shit I had ever seen. Lines crossing diagonally all over the place, missed spots, somehow used a whole tank of gas when I use 1/4-1/2 at most. Said it took her hours. No trimming.

I mean, you can't fuck up the grass lines. That's like telling your neighbors "look at this piece of shit, I suck at mowing my lawn"

Click to expand...

Is this like the female equivalent of the guy putting a cup of bleach in with the colors so he never has to do laundry again?

Creslin_sl said:

Is this like the female equivalent of the guy putting a cup of bleach in with the colors so he never has to do laundry again?

Click to expand...

Yeah, haha, that's exactly what it sounds like. How do you mess up walking back and forth?

The Ancient_sl said:

Yeah, haha, that's exactly what it sounds like. How do you mess up walking back and forth?

Click to expand...

You would think so, but she keeps offering to mow the lawn again. Unless that is also a ruse...

Your woman is fucking devious. She's rubbing it in your face and making sure you are so against her mowing the lawn it'll never happen again.

Fuckin bitch.

I enjoy mowing the lawn anyways, it's good to do on a saturday afternoon while I watch all the fine bitches in the neighborhood walk by in their yoga pants.

TJT_sl said:

As much as I enjoy this thread, this increases my already serious reservations about the prospect of Marriage in itself. What are the benefits (for a man) to enter a marriage. I've been with my GF for three years and would have no problem marrying her per se. But she worked in Family Law for like 5 years so I know that if it came to it she could fuck me over hard if she so chose. It seems like a huge and unnecessary risk to me. We both make excellent money, although I am much better at managing it correctly and I told her that I wouldn't consider marriage until she paid off her student loans and got serious about proper money management. Which is incredibly ironic because she works in high finance now and knows the ins and outs of tax law like you wouldn't believe. But when it comes to paying off a meager $11k student loan and balancing a check book she knows fuck all.

Sometimes I think its best to just stay a couple without legal entanglements.

Click to expand...

Sometimes you just have to commit. If you treat everything like a business proposition your life will be an absolute nightmare and probably you will never truly be happy. Which is why the old saying of money can't buy happiness exists.

Nester_sl said:

This feels like a trap bros....whats my next step here?

Click to expand...

Doing the housework, cooking, cleaning etc. will not fill her days. I would want to know what else she plans on doing with her time. Is she going to take up some hobbies? Do volunteer work? Get involved in the community, school board, whatever? Take courses/classes with the eye to changing careers down the road, or at least bettering herself?

Because if it's literally "I'm going to do 2-3 hours of housework a day, and otherwise nothing much" then I'd have a problem with it. One because why should she live a life of leisure while you work. Two because she's going to get bored doing that in short order, and god knows what she'll get in to then. It would be entirely different if you had kids or were planning on having them, that shit is time consuming, no question. But honestly, without kids, I just don't see how being a "housewife" adds up to more than a couple hours a day.

And that's not even getting in to the financial side of things. You guys need to have a serious talk about how all that shit is going to work.

Personally the special lady friend is near-housewife at this point. She's working 2-3 days a week while doing her studying and classes for her master's (distance learning, online), so between work and studying she's probably doing 30ish hours a week. She cooks me dinner every night (which she enjoys doing), keeps the fridge stocked, and keeps the place clean. But we live in a condo, so it's not like there's a ton of housework. I had a cleaning lady previously, but she insisted on cancelling it since she'd have the time to do it. So it's a pretty nice situation for me, and I don't mind helping her out money wise. But on the other hand, I'd prefer her to have a full time or near full time job once she's done her masters, if only because she would feel better about herself and her financial situation if she did. I'd just hire a new cleaning lady, and be perfectly fine with making my own shitty dinner more often, or just eating out more.

If she ever said "hey, after I'm done my classes, I'm just going to be your housewife" I would tell her flat out no. And it's got nothing to do with money. If she wanted to volunteer full time or take a position that paid next to nothing, I'd be fine with that. I just wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who has so little motivation and ambition that they just want to sit on their ass, basically. Again, if you have kids, that's a totally different story.

Is "special lady friend" a Canadian thing? I've never heard it before but I've noticed that's always how you refer to her. Why not just girlfriend?

McCheese_sl said:

Is "special lady friend" a Canadian thing? I've never heard it before but I've noticed that's always how you refer to her. Why not just girlfriend?

Click to expand...

It's a Lebowski reference.