As awful as that is perpetuating your need for attention and thus getting women that are broken that end up crushing you when they leave isn't helping you. You are a random bad breakup from trying to kill yourself again with that kind of emotional trauma in your past. Cut your hair, attract a stable woman (notice I didn't say normal), and try to make sure you don't invite drama into your life unnecessarily. This will literally save your life.
Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
- Start date
-
Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Khane
Got something right about marriage
- 20,346
- 14,012
Onoes, I think you're kind of a fool in many different ways. And I can't tell if you're kidding yourself or really are just happy, but if you are as happy as you seem I have to hand it to you. Just try not to get yourself into a situation you can't get out of. Up til this point you've had some very close calls and I don't think you realize it. You're not the kind of guy that can do what you need to for yourself when a situation calls for you to be mean to take care of #1, so have fun, but try to be a little more reasonable. For your own sake.
Gravy
Bronze Squire
- 4,918
- 454
How old are your kids, Onoes? Are you afraid they might be bullied or teased because their Dad has horns? By all (your) accounts, you seem to be a very good Dad to them and wouldn't want to put them in a situation that you've been in.
I'm not busting your hump, man. Just something I was thinking about.
I'm not busting your hump, man. Just something I was thinking about.
Right but you don't know how you are going to feel after one of these crazy girls twist you up. You have an understandable ticking time bomb of a past. Why are you playing russian roulette every time you date?
Khane
Got something right about marriage
- 20,346
- 14,012
People don't just wake up one day and decide to kill themselves. That's something they think about for quite some time before they actually do it. It's almost entirely not an act of "passion".
Yeah that has never ever happened ever. You don't think his entire life and past history is "quite some time"? I have had quite a few people tell me they are happy, act happy, lead great lives, and then "one" bad thing happens and they snap and end it. The human brain isn't quantifiable into one answer just because Khane the Pedantic says so.
He is playing with fire and might get lucky and never get burned or might go out like a comet.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
- 20,346
- 14,012
I see what you're saying, but Onoes doesn't strike me as a person who hides his emotions. He's clearly the opposite and if he's just acting he should move to Hollywood. What I said is hardly pedantic. I have first hand experience with suicide since my brother tried to kill himself and I was the one who found him and literally saved his life when I was 20 years old. They give a person mandatory psych evaluation and inpatient therapy in NY after something like that, and the doctors were very clear that feelings and desires like that usually don't just magically surface one day.
I have now had 4 people at work kill themselves in the past year. About 5 in the previous few years that worked for me or directly beside me. One happened at work during the work day. Numerous growing up. I/we have had extensive sessions with counselors both group and one on one for all of this.
The number one thing they all said is don't bring stressors voluntarily into your life because even though you seem fine they can trigger sudden urges based on long past experiences. There isn't a sudden choice based on that, it's all you have ever done in your life that led up to that point. Even people that were getting help and getting "better" one thing just happening can easily make themselves end it.
You should be ashamed that you would tell a person to just "try to be a little more reasonable" when they are gambling their sanity every time they picked a chick they know for a fact is a mistake but just do it anyways. Would you have told your brother "well don't change a thing man, you looked happy to me, just keep on doing what you are doing"? This is a person who has attempted suicide twice. Don't tell him to just continue what he is doing because he hasn't done it in a few years.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
- 20,346
- 14,012
a_skeleton_03, PTSD is a terrible thing and I am not mocking suicide or making light of it at all. I was telling him to be a little more reasonable because he's making decisions that could affect his well being. You're going way over the top here.
You hit it yourself when you said "they can trigger sudden urges based on long past experiences". Those feelings exist for lengths of time. It's a terrible thing. But Onoes is not gambling with his sanity, he's just a guy making somewhat poor decisions because he just got divorced and wants to have some fun, while at the same time is fighting his innate desire to be intimate. That's a far cry from being suicidal.
You're dealing with a lot of things right now, and you're probably very sick and exhausted. Please don't project things that aren't true about what I said. It's not even close to the case.
You hit it yourself when you said "they can trigger sudden urges based on long past experiences". Those feelings exist for lengths of time. It's a terrible thing. But Onoes is not gambling with his sanity, he's just a guy making somewhat poor decisions because he just got divorced and wants to have some fun, while at the same time is fighting his innate desire to be intimate. That's a far cry from being suicidal.
You're dealing with a lot of things right now, and you're probably very sick and exhausted. Please don't project things that aren't true about what I said. It's not even close to the case.
Onoes
Trakanon Raider
- 1,460
- 1,225
Guys seriously, that was 22 years ago, I've been in some pretty fucking rough and terrible spots in that time and I've never had the slightest urge or thought about it again. I feel really stupid that it ever seemed like a good idea. If anything, I'm kind of obsessed over life extension technologies, I do not ever want to die. I don't believe in any afterlife, and I like this one. Even if I was poor, hungry, cold, and alone, I imagine I could jerk off and go "Ohh yeah, totally still worth being alive." So really, no worries.
It's funny because just last night when we were sitting around drinking and talking, a good friend who is probably in her late 50's or 60's, mentioned that they find it funny that even as wacky as I am, and the crazy hijinks I get myself into, that I'm still probably one of the most well balanced people they know. If you asked people who know me professionally, I would wager money they would describe me as the super nice guy who does a great job and seems to always be happy. I'm seriously here at my house right now, playing board games with 3 friends (they are setting up the next one while I type in fact), and I'm already feeling better about this break up, because honestly, it's her loss.
You guys here my wacky stories and see crazy dude, but I promise, I really do have my shit pretty well together.
All that being said, I am still a pushover and get walked on, I agree with Khane that I frequently don't take care of number 1, because I'm more concerned about other peoples feelings and stuff. I'm sure I get that from my dad, who is probably at this very moment working on something for someone else for free with his time, because thats what he is always doing. I see it, I just have a hard time saying "no". I think part of it is me being so aware at how fast I move past things and don't let shit bother me anymore, and it just seems like it would be easier for me to be temp unhappy/annoyed than have to deal with conflict. It sucks, I know I need to work on that.
And Gravy, my kids are 4 and 6, Kindergarten and Preschool. They are going to a charter school, I volunteer time, and while I am usually wearing a hat, I have dropped them off and picked them up with my hair before. I don't believe they have gotten any flack from it, the kids seem to think its awesome. I'm not my father though, my kids are being told they are not to hit anyone unless they have to, but if they have to, punch them right in the face over and over. I'm trying to raise them to not be bullies obviously, but not to take shit from anyone. Hopefully this walked on trait ends with me.
It's funny because just last night when we were sitting around drinking and talking, a good friend who is probably in her late 50's or 60's, mentioned that they find it funny that even as wacky as I am, and the crazy hijinks I get myself into, that I'm still probably one of the most well balanced people they know. If you asked people who know me professionally, I would wager money they would describe me as the super nice guy who does a great job and seems to always be happy. I'm seriously here at my house right now, playing board games with 3 friends (they are setting up the next one while I type in fact), and I'm already feeling better about this break up, because honestly, it's her loss.
You guys here my wacky stories and see crazy dude, but I promise, I really do have my shit pretty well together.
All that being said, I am still a pushover and get walked on, I agree with Khane that I frequently don't take care of number 1, because I'm more concerned about other peoples feelings and stuff. I'm sure I get that from my dad, who is probably at this very moment working on something for someone else for free with his time, because thats what he is always doing. I see it, I just have a hard time saying "no". I think part of it is me being so aware at how fast I move past things and don't let shit bother me anymore, and it just seems like it would be easier for me to be temp unhappy/annoyed than have to deal with conflict. It sucks, I know I need to work on that.
And Gravy, my kids are 4 and 6, Kindergarten and Preschool. They are going to a charter school, I volunteer time, and while I am usually wearing a hat, I have dropped them off and picked them up with my hair before. I don't believe they have gotten any flack from it, the kids seem to think its awesome. I'm not my father though, my kids are being told they are not to hit anyone unless they have to, but if they have to, punch them right in the face over and over. I'm trying to raise them to not be bullies obviously, but not to take shit from anyone. Hopefully this walked on trait ends with me.
Not one of those 4 have been to combat or have PTSD. Onoes here probably does have PTSD. You know that PTSD isn't just combat stress. I say that as I just said none of the 4 had PTSD but they admittedly did not, it was all not fitting in and childhood issues from their notes, etc...
I am not projecting in the slightest because of sickness lol, I have seen a ton of death and suicide. I am probably broken and don't have enough empathy and emotion when it comes to that. I am talking this strictly as a logic puzzle.
Onoes has deep emotional issues that include past attempts at suicide.
He dates women that break him and he doesn't have much of an outlet but this forum it looks like.
He has an admitted deep deep need for acceptance.
1+1+1=3 and 3 is a time bomb and nobody should be telling him "lol man just keep doing you because we love your stories about how your life is spiraling down the drain from these women". If we heard this story in the newspaper and he killed his ex-wife, kids, and barricaded himself in his house with a bomb everyone would say, "damn saw that coming why did nobody help him". He is a forum friend though so we don't tell him the hard truths we just chalk it up to admittedly poor decisions but ones that can cause permanent damage to his psyche.
I am not projecting in the slightest because of sickness lol, I have seen a ton of death and suicide. I am probably broken and don't have enough empathy and emotion when it comes to that. I am talking this strictly as a logic puzzle.
Onoes has deep emotional issues that include past attempts at suicide.
He dates women that break him and he doesn't have much of an outlet but this forum it looks like.
He has an admitted deep deep need for acceptance.
1+1+1=3 and 3 is a time bomb and nobody should be telling him "lol man just keep doing you because we love your stories about how your life is spiraling down the drain from these women". If we heard this story in the newspaper and he killed his ex-wife, kids, and barricaded himself in his house with a bomb everyone would say, "damn saw that coming why did nobody help him". He is a forum friend though so we don't tell him the hard truths we just chalk it up to admittedly poor decisions but ones that can cause permanent damage to his psyche.
iannis
Musty Nester
- 31,351
- 17,656
Yo momma actually beat you with a bible? And worse it was king James, not American standard.
Is it still too soon for a "hehe"?
You know, my dad used to try to choke me out. Dude has anger management issues. But I can't remember a single time that my mom ever laid a hand on me. Except for smacking me on the back of the head with a palm. Which really doesn't count.
Is it still too soon for a "hehe"?
You know, my dad used to try to choke me out. Dude has anger management issues. But I can't remember a single time that my mom ever laid a hand on me. Except for smacking me on the back of the head with a palm. Which really doesn't count.
By the way I have nothing against you Khane or you Onoes and your life is your own. I don't think it is responsible for anyone to just say live your life when they see things like this but in today's society nobody wants to be the bad guy so they shuffle along and say nothing or placate you with just enough maybes to sound like they might not think you are making great decisions but then tell you to keep on making them.
My wife yesterday was in baggage claim and texted me asking when it was ok for people to bring their uncrated dogs to pick up friends. She says as she is sneezing from their dander and some are hopping at each other and the owners don't care at all and security walks by. This is an international airport but nobody, herself included, wants to be the one to say something and get into a confrontation. This isn't quite the same thing but I think the story fits.
My wife yesterday was in baggage claim and texted me asking when it was ok for people to bring their uncrated dogs to pick up friends. She says as she is sneezing from their dander and some are hopping at each other and the owners don't care at all and security walks by. This is an international airport but nobody, herself included, wants to be the one to say something and get into a confrontation. This isn't quite the same thing but I think the story fits.
iannis
Musty Nester
- 31,351
- 17,656
Leashed dogs in the airport is worth a word. A "Is that a service animal? Be a grown up. Take the dog outside" word, specifically. And maybe you can toss in a "Were you raised in a barn?"
I guess maybe that's confrontational. Well, with that phrasing it definetly is. Heh. But honestly you tweak out the condescension and it's just assertive. There's a way to do it entirely politely. Relies more on posture and tone than on the actual words.
I do think a lot of people get stuck on that line between aggressive and assertive. I've personally found that by far we are still a polite society. If you make a polite demand, it's on the OTHER guy to not be a dick first.
Of course you've always got honey-boo-boo's. And women have some other ruleset that I don't grok. But for men it almost always works without an escalation into hostility.
I guess maybe that's confrontational. Well, with that phrasing it definetly is. Heh. But honestly you tweak out the condescension and it's just assertive. There's a way to do it entirely politely. Relies more on posture and tone than on the actual words.
I do think a lot of people get stuck on that line between aggressive and assertive. I've personally found that by far we are still a polite society. If you make a polite demand, it's on the OTHER guy to not be a dick first.
Of course you've always got honey-boo-boo's. And women have some other ruleset that I don't grok. But for men it almost always works without an escalation into hostility.
Allergies are real? There were at least 10? Probably not the first 10 to roam around the baggage claim that day since it was 9 PM? Does that excuse shitty dog owners from doing whatever they want? She is absolutely deathly afraid of dogs? The rules are the rules? What exactly do you want?
Let me guess you are the type that owns a dog and takes it everywhere because you see nothing wrong with that because in the last two years people stopped caring and take them everywhere.