Marriage and the Power of Divorce

There are two single moms I work with, and neither one of them gets shit from the dads. This is in California which I figured would fuck over the men pretty bad. I think one gets like $300ish and the other maybe $400ish.

If you're feeling guilty, you can always send extra money. I don't know if that would allow her to go back later and say "he should be paying me $x extra, since he was able to send it before" though. Would maybe want to talk to a lawyer about that too.

Why do you feel guilty? Because she didn't think further than an hour in advance when she was sending texts of herself topless to your friends or talking to random guys via text trying to get some alone time? You shouldn't feel guilty at all.

Tuco_sl said:

Yeah she's doing all that shit.

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Month 5 is nothing, if you are monitoring ovulation and doing the do in and around that time, give it 12 months. If nothing after 12 months, go see a doctor. I HIGHLY recommend you both go see doctors at the same time instead of sending one spouse to check and then the other. It will make the process go much more quickly.

Have any questions, PM me. I just went through the ringer with all of this and it is NOT fun.

This might sound like stupid advice and you might be already doing it, but if you are timing for ovulation, you should cease sexual activity(including masturbation obviously) for the days preceding her ovulation cycle. Some people go at it like we just need to have more sex, but that extra potency can help your swimmers.

Frenzied Wombat_sl said:

Can someone remind again how in this day and age what the benefits are to a man getting married?

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Before we married, my wife owned a home, had more savings than me, and also had a job with amazing benefits(I'm self-employed, so basically no benefits)

I couldn't wait to marry her, SCORE! lol

I need to stop reading this thread. I'm really depressed over that divorce story.Seems like it could happen to anyone.. ugh...

OneofOne_sl said:

Nester the reason you're so happy with your wife is well, you seem to have a slave, not a wife. She works, same as you, yet does 90% of both cooking AND chores? Unless she's working 5 hours a week, frankly it makes you out to be a dick. I couldn't respect a woman that allowed me to treat her like that, and I certainly couldn't respect myself for treating a woman like that. I'm not TRYING to sound harsh, but I don't know how else to say it.

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I don?t think I have given you enough information to accurately come to that conclusion. I could see how the 2 paragraphs I have provided could lead you into that direction, but its far from reality. She loves to cook, before we meet she did it for a living, if her union job did not overpay her as much as it does she would probably go back to catering or open up a restaurant. Seeing as she wants to have a family more we are really not pushing that option for her. I have my own business so I could not really help out as much as I would want/need to if we opened a second one. The cleaning is not look on as fondly, but really we are 2 grown adults who know how to pick up after each other, its pretty minor in the grand scheme of things. I asked her if we should bring in a housekeeper once a month and she flipped out. We had a fight because I suggested we get some additional help! she flat our refused to allow someone else to do it. She was not mad that I thought our house was messy, she was mad at the idea of paying someone else to do what ?she was supposed to do? her words, not mine.

Please keep in mind that cleaning and cooking is certainly not the full scope of the ?chores.? All traditional ?blue jobs? are clearly in my domain, we have a big yard and damn it if we don?t get a ton of snow here in Canada. I also run all the finances, I understand it, I enjoy it and I am not too bad at it. I keep her involved giving her some specific bills to manage, we talk about everything. I fill her RRSPs first (401k) with conservative equities to make sure she is protected in the long term, risks are taken in my name. She has her own CC in her name even though we both use mine main as our main CC (for points!) . The idea is if something ever happens to me, she still has long lasting individual credit history.

I purposely did not go into detail about the vast emotional closeness we feel that really rounds out the marriage. She is my best friend?by far, to be honest it is not something I want to gush about on my favorite video game forum.

Tuco_sl said:

As a married man with no kids where I make most of the money there's no financial benefit to being married and we somewhat evenly share the chores (Ok she does the most)but personally the benefits of having a woman to go home to every night that I trust and love are immense. If she takes a trip to see her extended family for a while I get very lonely and a little depressed.

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Dis.

My wife and I don't plan on having kids for the foreseeable future (31m/26w) and I could have stayed her boyfriend forever, but after crapping out on a few 5+ year relationships, I decided that even though it doesn't make sense, we should get married. Just knowing that she is there when I get off work is the world to me. Her and I share our finances, chores, etc and after having been with her for almost five years (married for one), I have no doubt that I made the right decision.

Cad_sl said:

The bottom line is the traditional "I take care of you financially and you take care of the house and kids and let me enjoy my life" model is mostly dead. These days women want to work, and they expect you to share in the chores and duties 50/50. Which sounds fair at first glance, but it isn't fair, because you also shoulder all of the "man duties", because don't you want your princess to be happy? You also need to earn the lions share of the money, or she will treat you like a subhuman. Somewhere in this, you have to find time to "be romantic" and do the usual husband stuff, while also sharing the traditional wife chores 50/50. In return for this, you'll be lucky if she doesn't send pictures of her tits to random strangers and then claim its your fault, while taking half your stuff.

Marriage is fine, just choose wisely, and force her to sign a pre-nup.

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You are 100% spot on with everything except the "women wants to work" part. Unless she's got a professional career she's invested years into (say doctor, lawyer, accountant, engineer, etc) she will initially feed you the line that she wants to work, but in most cases assuming you make enough to support you both, her story will quickly change after marriage, especially with children. Typically the reasoning given is that she "can't trust anybody with the kids", "they won't turn out normal unless she's around 24/7", or "I don't make all that much more than the cost of day care/nanny/etc so I should stay home". Whatever it is, don't fool yourself-- if she's not in love with her job/career, her looking to get married is basically her looking for early retirement at your expense..

As for the stay at home mom, it's a bullshit "career" in this day and age. A stay at home mom was a REAL job back in the '50's when there was no meal in a box or Whole Foods take out counter, mom cooked shit by hand. There was no dishwasher, mom scrubbed the pots by hand. There was no washing machine, mom washed them by hand. Mom didn't take shit to the tailor, she sewed it herself.. Yet today's bored housewife (aka the StRay at home mom) complains she's overwhelmed, despite the fact that she's spends a third of her day meeting her girlies for lunch and chatting up an ex-bf on Facebook.

P.S: If you want a QUALITY stay at home mom, find yourself an ex-Mormon. I'm not fucking joking. I dated this chick that was an ex-Mormon--when she was 20 realized it was a bullshit cult, but she had already been trained by that age. She was probably one of the sweetest girls I'd ever met, unconsciously would clean and tidy even without thinking, never busted my balls, and knew (and loved) to cook and sew and decorate.. I had to work late one day and she fucking drove to the office and brought me a home cooked meal and thanked me for hanging a picture the other day.. I was flabbergasted.

Cad_sl said:

The bottom line is the traditional "I take care of you financially and you take care of the house and kids and let me enjoy my life" model is mostly dead. These days women want to work, and they expect you to share in the chores and duties 50/50. Which sounds fair at first glance, but it isn't fair, because you also shoulder all of the "man duties", because don't you want your princess to be happy? You also need to earn the lions share of the money, or she will treat you like a subhuman. Somewhere in this, you have to find time to "be romantic" and do the usual husband stuff, while also sharing the traditional wife chores 50/50. In return for this, you'll be lucky if she doesn't send pictures of her tits to random strangers and then claim its your fault, while taking half your stuff.

Marriage is fine, just choose wisely, and force her to sign a pre-nup.

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Pre-nups are not very helpful when you start the marriage with basically no assets -p

If she wants to keep it 50/50, you need to remind her that means she needs to fix the sink 50% of the time it clogs, do 50% of the snow removal, cut the lawn 50% of the time, prune the trees, pick up leaves, clean the garage, take out the garbage, clean up the dog shit, clean the cutters, power wash the house. When the big stuff breaks down, she will need to deal with the plumber, electrician 50% of the time. Physically pay 50% of the bills and deal with 50% of the savings and investment. Oh and if that does not open her eyes up, tell her she will have to kill 50% of all spiders.

If you are going to go 50/50 you damn well better go all in. After all the cards are on the table the negotiation to more suitable and enjoyable roles can start.

Frenzied Wombat_sl said:

As for the stay at home mom, it's a bullshit "career" in this day and age. A stay at home mom was a REAL job back in the '50's when there was no meal in a box or Whole Foods take out counter, mom cooked shit by hand. There was no dishwasher, mom scrubbed the pots by hand. There was no washing machine, mom washed them by hand. Mom didn't take shit to the tailor, she sewed it herself.. Yet today's bored housewife (aka the StRay at home mom) complains she's overwhelmed, despite the fact that she's spends a third of her day meeting her girlies for lunch and chatting up an ex-bf on Facebook.

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You're 35 years old, playing hide and seek. You're living the dream! No time card, no taxes. You're off the grid.

As far as marriage...don't do it!

Georgia man must pay $50k for breaking promise to marry woman | wpxi.com

Frenzied Wombat_sl said:

P.S: If you want a QUALITY stay at home mom, find yourself an ex-Mormon. I'm not fucking joking. I dated this chick that was an ex-Mormon--when she was 20 realized it was a bullshit cult, but she had already been trained by that age. She was probably one of the sweetest girls I'd ever met, unconsciously would clean and tidy even without thinking, never busted my balls, and knew (and loved) to cook and sew and decorate.. I had to work late one day and she fucking drove to the office and brought me a home cooked meal and thanked me for hanging a picture the other day.. I was flabbergasted.

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Truth, my last GF before the wife was Ex-Mormon and my current is Ex- JW. The MOST IMPORTANT PART that you left our is make sure you are not the first life experience they learn about after they leave the cult, They are going to have a wild streak, try to get with them after that's over so you don't end up with having to deal with the wild streak later in life once you are committed.