Marriage and the Power of Divorce

  • Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!



    Go here and give us your nominations!
    Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Itlan

Itlan

Blackwing Lair Raider
4,994
744
Lol I suppose I should've prefaced it with "she's wanted to get in my pants for the past eight years."

She looked decent back then but I was committed. College ruins peoples lives, and their stomachs.
 
Selix

Selix

Lord Nagafen Raider
2,149
4
Onoes_sl said:
Ahhh, I think you're oversimplifying it. When I was married, I made 70% of the income, and my wife made 30%. Everything was deposited into one joint account. I would say, I spend maybe $40 a month on frivolous things, a couple games on steam, a book, shit like that. She didn't ever really make any large purchases herself, we never had the money too. Despite us having something like $1500 more our expenses per month, there was never more than a couple hundred dollars in the bank account, often it would be down to $60 or something. I would go through our accounts and see this shit (Ross $34, Starbucks $14, Walmart $82, Nail salon $75, Ross $56, Starbucks $11, The Garden Center $66, Jo'Annes $29) etc, etc, etc.

She would just spend $50-$100 on little frivolous shit. No matter how much I pointed it out, she just could not wrap her head around it. She was so dead set convinced that she never spends any money, because all she ever spent was on little things. It was incredibly frustrating, and led me to want to split the finances, not because I wanted to be my wife's boss and hold her on a stipend, but because she couldn't handle it. Even when it seemed to finally sink in, it didn't, because then she started making bigger purchases to REWARD herself for being so frugal the rest of the time. Basically, if the checking account balance had money in it, she just always assumed it was fine to spend that money, as long as it wasn't all spent in one lump sum.

It really sucks to get a good job, know you're bringing home $1000 a week or something, and have to wait for Tax return season to be able to buy a $300 monitor. I'm glad you don't have to deal with that, but implying that anyone who does must just be a chauvinist dick is a bit off the mark. I also feel like having the separation in finances can be a very healthy thing in a relationship. If your wife surprises you with cruise tickets or something for your birthday, while that might be cool and exciting, it might also make you go "Well fuck, I've never talked about going on a cruise, if I wanted to I would have set that up... but I guess you just spend "our" money on it... so it's ok.", presumably in your head, as you don't want to hurt your wife's feelings. Now if you have separate bank accounts, and she does the same thing, it's a much bigger deal. She had to save for that. She's sacrificing. You are going to appreciate that so much more. You lose that when you're sharing everything. Suddenly your a team, and everything is just expected because "We're on a team!".

I won't be combining my finances with another person again personally. Not because I don't want to spend my money on someone, if anything I'm WAY to generous as it is (which we've discussed before), but because I do like being able to decide exactly where and for what, my money goes towards.

As a side note, since getting divorced, taking on all financial obligations I have solo, keeping all of the debt as part of the divorce, and paying child support, I have SO MUCH more money. It's really crazy going from a point where I remember checking the bank before I went out to lunch, to just over a year later, when I can just go buy a brand new motorcycle or something if I wanted. That's the difference for me.
Click to expand...
I'm going through this right now. Looks like me and the wife are about to get a divorce and I'm stressing the fuck out about keeping the kids in their private school and keeping the house cause her parents are telling her to get a lawyer and make me sell everything and put the kids into daycare because private school isn't worth it and she needs to get all the money she can. I think though after looking at a bunch of paperwork guidelines and stuff that I could probably keep the house anyway so long as I paid the difference in equity to her and it's only like 20k. The car I still have to finish paying has 17k on it right there. I figure if this goes to lawyers I will probably be able to keep the house and the kids in private school. Anyway right now she just wants a separation to see if her work boyfriend (which no one including me is supposed to know about but I am friends with her co-workers too... duuuurrr!) is a better deal then me. I'm sure two Walmart incomes plus his extra child is going to be the heaven she is looking for.
 
Big Phoenix

Big Phoenix

Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
<Gold Donor>
46,403
98,662
Selix_sl said:
I'm going through this right now. Looks like me and the wife are about to get a divorce and I'm stressing the fuck out about keeping the kids in their private school and keeping the house cause her parents are telling her to get a lawyer and make me sell everything and put the kids into daycare because private school isn't worth it and she needs to get all the money she can. I think though after looking at a bunch of paperwork guidelines and stuff that I could probably keep the house anyway so long as I paid the difference in equity to her and it's only like 20k. The car I still have to finish paying has 17k on it right there. I figure if this goes to lawyers I will probably be able to keep the house and the kids in private school.Anyway right now she just wants a separation to see if her work boyfriend (which no one including me is supposed to know about but I am friends with her co-workers too... duuuurrr!) is a better deal then me. I'm sure two Walmart incomes plus his extra child is going to be the heaven she is looking for.
Click to expand...
What the fuck? Why are you still with this woman? For the love of god dont say "for the kids".
 
Selix

Selix

Lord Nagafen Raider
2,149
4
Big Phoenix_sl said:
What the fuck? Why are you still with this woman? For the love of god dont say "for the kids".
Click to expand...
She took care of the majority of stuff that had to do with the kids even though I paid for it technically. I'm going to use this time establish that I can provide for and take care of the kids including meals, picking them up from daycare and stuff like that so just in case she gets a cut throat lawyer I won/t have any issues getting 50/50 custody.
 
Frenzied Wombat

Frenzied Wombat

Potato del Grande
14,730
31,803
Da Fuq? Work boyfriend? What do you mean by "looks like me and the wife are about to get a divorce?". It should be a done deal at this point-- cheating is one of those binary, non-emotionally nebulous "outs" where you can escape from the relationship without guilt imho.

Get a lawyer now so you know how to best get your ducks in a row, and once they are all lined up, serve her ass with papers before she can do the same. Paperclip a pic of her "work boyfriend" to the divorce papers for added shock value.
 
Kirun

Kirun

Buzzfeed Editor
19,240
15,629
Big Phoenix_sl said:
You mean this skank who puts out at the drop of a hat doesnt have a good body? WHY I NEVER
Click to expand...
The girls with "good bodies" are putting out just as much/even more than the uggos, trust me. The only difference is that they are allowed to be more selective about who they open up for.
 
C

crimsonsin_sl

shitlord
59
0
Hypothetically....if your wife isnt sure she's done yet can't give you any answers would you stay or leave the house?

Debating leaving and going no contact to give her a taste of whats coming.
 
iannis

iannis

Musty Nester
31,351
17,656
Yeah, I think "work boyfriend" either means that you're getting a divorce or you're about to embark on a swinging adventure.

Go find a lawyer. Divorce that whore.
 
Haast

Haast

Lord Nagafen Raider
3,281
1,636
crimsonsin_sl said:
Hypothetically....if your wife isnt sure she's done yet can't give you any answers would you stay or leave the house?

Debating leaving and going no contact to give her a taste of whats coming.
Click to expand...
Hmmm, I seem to remember a lawyer saying that if you leave the house, it gives her leverage to keep the house in the divorce.

Regardless, may be time to consult a lawyer. You don't necessarily need to retain one yet, but you could pay for an hour of their time (use cash) and figure out how to prepare in case. There's probably decent articles online on the subject as well, though I don't have links. Thankfully, house ownership was pretty clear cut in my case, so I didn't have to research the topic.
 
Kirun

Kirun

Buzzfeed Editor
19,240
15,629
crimsonsin_sl said:
Hypothetically....if your wife isnt sure she's done yet can't give you any answers would you stay or leave the house?
Click to expand...
I'd leave. In the immortal words of Homie the Clown, "Homie don't play dat!". Threatening to leave is automatically a dealbreaker and a girl who has to "discover herself", "figure out what she wants", or otherwise isn't sure if she's done? That is almost always code for, "I'm waiting to see if my side ass pans out. If not, I'll settle for you."

No amount of rationalizing, compliance, etc. is really going to change the situation and all you're essentially doing is negotiating for her desire. It's a pointless waste of time. Time that is better spent moving on.
 
T

The Ancient_sl

shitlord
7,386
16
tumblr_mjxs2nOCtV1qlp7ljo1_500.gif
 
Leadsalad

Leadsalad

Cis-XYite-Nationalist
6,152
12,654
Leave the relationship, sure... but talk to a lawyer ASAP and do NOT leave the house until you speak to one and learn what the laws are. Taking things and moving into a motel could fuck you over extremely badly.
 
Cad

Cad

scientia potentia est
<Bronze Donator>
25,438
49,087
What state are you in?

Either way she will have to buy you out of the house if she keeps it, so it's not like it changes anything financially.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
38,278
15,110
If I ever found out my wife had a work husband I would probably act extremely irrationally and without any regard for current laws
 
You must log in or register to reply here.