Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Haast_sl said:

Dirk, did you and your wife get married right out of college? Did one of you have significantly more assets (cash, investments, property, etc) going into the marriage?

Granted, if marriage works properly, none of this matters. But if it goes to shit (especially if it does so within a few years of marriage) and you DID have significantly more wealth than your wife, keeping prior assets separate can be the difference between a relatively smooth divorce and a /wrists divorce.

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McCheese_sl said:

How do you go about keeping your assets from before the marriage separate? Do you try to hide it somewhere in case of a future divorce, or do you simply tell your future wife that you want to keep all your pre-marriage stuff separate? I just can't imagine either scenario going over well with the vast majority of women. You said that you did this in your marriage, how did you go about keeping your pre-marriage assets separate from everything else?

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Alex_sl said:

Haast - Did you get to see your soon-to-be ex-wife's face when she found out she couldn't get those pre-marriage goodies?

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Noodlemod_sl said:

6 months.. damn. I feel like you're barely married. Did you guys live together prior to getting married?

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lurkingdirk_sl said:

Wow, this is very interesting to me. My wife and I have always had 100% merged accounts/finances, and we don't even talk about who makes more, we consider both our incomes as "the income." I never worry that she's going to overspend on anything, nor do I ever feel the need to justify anything that I buy. If something is going to be a big purchase, we discuss it. Not because of the need for "permission" to spend the money, but because we have a certain amount each month that we consider to be usable for such things. If one of us needs to buy something expensive, the other may have to push off their own purchase a month. We simply communicate a lot about our finances.

Now you're telling me that because I make more, I need to put my wife on a stipend, and she needs permission to spend? I have so much to learn!

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Onoes_sl said:

Ahhh, I think you're oversimplifying it. When I was married, I made 70% of the income, and my wife made 30%. Everything was deposited into one joint account. I would say, I spend maybe $40 a month on frivolous things, a couple games on steam, a book, shit like that. She didn't ever really make any large purchases herself, we never had the money too. Despite us having something like $1500 more our expenses per month, there was never more than a couple hundred dollars in the bank account, often it would be down to $60 or something. I would go through our accounts and see this shit (Ross $34, Starbucks $14, Walmart $82, Nail salon $75, Ross $56, Starbucks $11, The Garden Center $66, Jo'Annes $29) etc, etc, etc.

She would just spend $50-$100 on little frivolous shit. No matter how much I pointed it out, she just could not wrap her head around it. She was so dead set convinced that she never spends any money, because all she ever spent was on little things. It was incredibly frustrating, and led me to want to split the finances, not because I wanted to be my wife's boss and hold her on a stipend, but because she couldn't handle it. Even when it seemed to finally sink in, it didn't, because then she started making bigger purchases to REWARD herself for being so frugal the rest of the time. Basically, if the checking account balance had money in it, she just always assumed it was fine to spend that money, as long as it wasn't all spent in one lump sum.

It really sucks to get a good job, know you're bringing home $1000 a week or something, and have to wait for Tax return season to be able to buy a $300 monitor. I'm glad you don't have to deal with that, but implying that anyone who does must just be a chauvinist dick is a bit off the mark. I also feel like having the separation in finances can be a very healthy thing in a relationship. If your wife surprises you with cruise tickets or something for your birthday, while that might be cool and exciting, it might also make you go "Well fuck, I've never talked about going on a cruise, if I wanted to I would have set that up... but I guess you just spend "our" money on it... so it's ok.", presumably in your head, as you don't want to hurt your wife's feelings. Now if you have separate bank accounts, and she does the same thing, it's a much bigger deal. She had to save for that. She's sacrificing. You are going to appreciate that so much more. You lose that when you're sharing everything. Suddenly your a team, and everything is just expected because "We're on a team!".

I won't be combining my finances with another person again personally. Not because I don't want to spend my money on someone, if anything I'm WAY to generous as it is (which we've discussed before), but because I do like being able to decide exactly where and for what, my money goes towards.

As a side note, since getting divorced, taking on all financial obligations I have solo, keeping all of the debt as part of the divorce, and paying child support, I have SO MUCH more money. It's really crazy going from a point where I remember checking the bank before I went out to lunch, to just over a year later, when I can just go buy a brand new motorcycle or something if I wanted. That's the difference for me.

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Itlan_sl said:

Guess I'll follow Khane since the dating thread is dead.

So I basically befriended this girl at the gym, total qt420/10, and she wakes up at 5 am to workout with me. We go out to eat, she sits in my car with me for hours at a time just talking, etc. One night, I ask her to chill and don't get a response that night. Next morning I wake up to "omg I fell asleep sorry." I figured it was her way of telling me she's not interested, so I don't bring it up. Later on in the day I text her "you coming with me tomorrow morning?" No response. For a week. I figure she realizes I want more, she doesn't, her way of dealing with it is to avoid the situation. Kind of socially retarded, but whatever.

Fucking bitch texts me a week later "Hey :angryfaceemoji:" I'm like "the fuck does this bitch want?" Apparently she's all upset we haven't spoken in a week. I told her to fuck off since a phone works both ways. She claims she's been super sick, but wants to hang out. I go pick her up and she honestly looks like a god damn mess and clearly has an infection. I tell her to go to the doctor, sure as shit she has bronchitis, so I guess she's not a total liar. Anyway, fast forward 3 days later of talking/hanging out/lifting/eating/whatever we hook up.

What the fuck happened during that week? I'm guessing she ended things with the dude she was talking to before she met me. Or he ended things with her. I kind of feel like a tool, but whatever, pussy is pussy amirite?

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