Cad
scientia potentia est
- 25,441
- 49,090
On that basis my wife would never open her mouth a peep since I make like 7x as much as her. But, wifelogic
Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
- Start date
-
Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
- 38,278
- 15,110
Once we merged accounts it became "our" money and that's when the issues started. I should point out I make 40k more than my wife.
Yeah this is actually a reason I'm dragging my feet and reluctant to merge accounts
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
- 38,278
- 15,110
It went from her having a real job and me working part time (when we first merged) to me going straight balla status (I increased my yearly income by 7 times with my first job out of college).
It's a weird situation.
radditsu
Silver Knight of the Realm
- 4,676
- 826
I think I will merge accounts with my wife when we retire. We can see everything each other does now. We have a single savings account between each other. But nope. One day she may go crazy, dump the accounts, and leave my ass and/or me her. There needs to be some protection there. I would like to not have to go through the whole "im so fucking screwed" thing.
- 16,743
- 7,767
So much this. You really can't hold someone's career choices against them, because that's essentially what you're doing when you bring up salary. What people are good at and what society deems worth paying is so often at odds. As Khane also said, if they make stupid career choices, that's another matter. But if they're working hard at what they love, improving their career, bringing home some money, it doesn't matter how much more money you make.
I might suggest "fun money" accounts. Any time you get extra money that's outside of dependable income(most of the time, this is just salary), you deposit that money into that person's fun money accounts. That person can then spend the money on whatever they want without the other person giving them any shit. You can still buy stuff for yourself with regular money, big stuff that a fun money account might not pay for, but you'll need to approve it with the other person first.
I should note that my wife and I never fight about money. She dislikes how much in general I spend on the clothing brands I enjoy but that is about it. I never bring up the disparity in our salaries because like DW said I find that to be a low blow. But she has aspirations of moving homes in the not-so-distant future and most of the houses are like 350k so I feel with a joint account she may watch the savings a tad more than she does now since I'm the only one that actually has a decent savings.
I can imagine children compound money issues 10 fold, though.
I can imagine children compound money issues 10 fold, though.
- 16,743
- 7,767
Please elaborate then. I thought I was agreeing with what you wrote. Bringing up salary differences is not building a life together or making choices together.
Haast
Lord Nagafen Raider
- 3,281
- 1,636
Pretty sure Khane was mocking the perceived mindset of women and money. When you make more, it's "our money, our decisions, we are a team", blah blah. But if you stopped making more, the attitude changes.
Haast
Lord Nagafen Raider
- 3,281
- 1,636
I can't speak for OH law, but if it is similar to TX law regarding marital property: I would hesitate to combine in money I had previous to getting married. That is probably what saved my ass in divorce.
Combining money made AFTER marriage is fine, that would all be considered community property anyway. But your assets prior to marriage would be yours to keep, and that is a lot easier to accomplish if you keep them separate. It also prevents the spiteful stealing of assets belonging you to if things go south.
A little caution doesn't hurt.
- 46,699
- 214,991
Wow, this is very interesting to me. My wife and I have always had 100% merged accounts/finances, and we don't even talk about who makes more, we consider both our incomes as "the income." I never worry that she's going to overspend on anything, nor do I ever feel the need to justify anything that I buy. If something is going to be a big purchase, we discuss it. Not because of the need for "permission" to spend the money, but because we have a certain amount each month that we consider to be usable for such things. If one of us needs to buy something expensive, the other may have to push off their own purchase a month. We simply communicate a lot about our finances.
Now you're telling me that because I make more, I need to put my wife on a stipend, and she needs permission to spend? I have so much to learn!
Now you're telling me that because I make more, I need to put my wife on a stipend, and she needs permission to spend? I have so much to learn!
Cad
scientia potentia est
- 25,441
- 49,090
Just depends how childish and controlling one or the other of you acts. The situation is fluid, obviously.
Haast
Lord Nagafen Raider
- 3,281
- 1,636
Dirk, did you and your wife get married right out of college? Did one of you have significantly more assets (cash, investments, property, etc) going into the marriage?
Granted, if marriage works properly, none of this matters. But if it goes to shit (especially if it does so within a few years of marriage) and you DID have significantly more wealth than your wife, keeping prior assets separate can be the difference between a relatively smooth divorce and a /wrists divorce.
Granted, if marriage works properly, none of this matters. But if it goes to shit (especially if it does so within a few years of marriage) and you DID have significantly more wealth than your wife, keeping prior assets separate can be the difference between a relatively smooth divorce and a /wrists divorce.
Gravy
Bronze Squire
- 4,918
- 454
Same here, even before we were married. I think it was easier because we were in college and had no money anyway. I recall having a combined $12 in the account at one point.
- 46,699
- 214,991
We did not get married right out of college, and I had considerable assets before marriage, whereas she had considerable debt. Things still seem to be working out...
I understand the desire to have some recourse for a failed marriage, but I don't function well that way. If I make allowances for failure, I'll probably find a way to make them come true. I'm all in.