Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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McCheese
SW: Sean, CW: Crone, GW: Wizardhawk
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I'm most certainly not a chubby chaser.
Anyway, I'm surprised there are people willing to forgive a guy who knowingly cheats with someone's wife. In my book, he's just as guilty as the wife if he knows she's married before doing the deed. I'd be just as angry at him as I would at her.
I'd feel like a scummy piece of shit if I knowingly slept with a married woman, so maybe I just assume everyone has those kinds of morals. Apparently not.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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I agree with you. Mainly because accepting that it's perfectly okay to lay claim to someone's sexuality is nothing more than a social construct. And since we live in a society, and that society has "morals" and "ethics" around how we conduct ourselves when interacting with other human beings you should also admonish someone for enabling cheating and being a willing party as part of the same social construct. The sentiment that it's perfectly reasonable for a man to knowingly sleep with a married woman is completely at odds with the sentiment that you own your wife's sexuality.
Pretty much always. I think the hurt that comes from someone cheating on you is more directed at your own shortcomings whether you know it or not. When my ex wife cheated on me I know I was more distressed about what was fucked about me that lead to a failed relationship. Once I got beyond that initial self doubt period I was surprised to find that my negativity about her, myself, and our relationship didn't hold up long. Once realised that I wasn't some faulty piece of shit and just accepted that people do their own thing it made it really easy to get back in to relationships. Now granted I've avoided serious commitment because I've found I'm happier just playing the field at the moment, but I find it really hard to have enmity towards the ex or her boy toy. This of course is barring your ex being a complete prick in other aspects of your life, just talking about infidelity here.
Edit for mccheese:
Not getting bothered by it isn't the same thing as approving of it. I won't cheat on or with someone because I understand the pain it can cause someone. But I don't expect others to hold to those standard, or deride them when they don't.
Edit for mccheese:
Not getting bothered by it isn't the same thing as approving of it. I won't cheat on or with someone because I understand the pain it can cause someone. But I don't expect others to hold to those standard, or deride them when they don't.
Haast
Lord Nagafen Raider
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An ugly reality that one must face in a divorce. The reality that you chose poorly. That things didn't go to hell without both people participating (or failing to) in some way. That even if your ex was the primary shithead, you contributed to the failure. Even if that contribution was putting up with too much of their bullshit, or something similar.
Of course, once you get past the ugly part, there's some valuable lessons to learn from and apply later. Once you are done sport fucking.
For the record, your spouse is who you should be most angry with if cheating happens. How pissed off you can be at the guy is directly proportional to how well you know him. If it's your (former) best friend, by all means be super pissed. If it is some random dude you haven't met, save your anger for your dirty whore (ex) wife.
Haast
Lord Nagafen Raider
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A number of those types of relationships at my former job turned into divorce/remarriage situations.
No I think knowingly pursuing and probably putting thoughts in a married woman's head makes you a bad guy
Why? I mean outside of the cultural norms that we have inherited. If your partner is susceptible to someone else's advances then really what hold or relationship do you have? For myself when I'm happy and in a good relationship another woman could offer to fuck my brains out seven ways to Sunday and I'd decline the honor. If I'm unhappy and in a bad relationship that's when the wheels start turning.
Edit: lol zzz, wifey turning the knife.
Nester
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I am shocked that some of the men on this forum hold a virtual stranger to the same high standard one would expect of a spouse. The stranger owes you almost nothing, did not break a vow etc.. If it was your best friend I get it. I would not be happy with the person for sure but the spouse broke her word and vow to you, the stranger owed you no such vow.
Because they are the cultural norms. For whatever reason our society has decided that a monogamous relationship is the way to go. I also wouldn't exactly say she's "susceptible" to really any behavior. It is the same reason anyone coming here asking for actual advice is laughable. Something minor happens and all of a sudden it is a mountain from a molehill. Same deal here. She'll passingly say something her husband did to annoy her. He can try and spin it into something about how he doesn't value her or anything to try and lower your standing in her eyes to try and prop himself up.
ZyyzYzzy
RIP USA
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I don't think they are going that far. They are just expressing they would be pissed at hypothetical douchebag
And if she's in a place where some tool can heavily influence her opinion about her husband or their marriage then there is a much worse problem then some guy hitting on her. As far as monogamy, then sure I get you. Like I've said. Have never been physically intimate with another person while in a relationship, and if I do get cheated on then there ends up being no relationship at all after that. But I can't see calling a third party who doesn't know you and owes you nothing morally wrong or culpable for your partner's breaking a social contract with you. This all changes of course if it's a brother or friend of yours. Or maybe your sister, that would just be weird.
Because unlike apparently everyone around here I don't find it unreasonable to expect to live in a society not rife with me-first assholes
Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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I'm not saying I condone dudes fucking married women, but if my wife cheats on me with someone I don't know, she is the lone target of my ire. She betrayed my trust, not some stranger. Plain and simple.
Having the perspective of being in open relationships, it isn't the sex that bothers people. It is the betrayal. You weren't betrayed by the person your spouse had sex with, you were betrayed by your spouse. Though I've passed up a lot of opportunities to help someone cheat because I've been cheated on and wouldn't want to make anyone feel that way. So I see both sides.
Nester
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Fair enough, I guess I was still stuck at the point where Noodle would kill the work husband instead of the wife !
I once had a girl in my office introduce herself to my wife as my ?workwife? shit then got crazy. She was only my workwife in the fact that we worked a lot together and I used her department regularly to help me service my clients. My wife lost it (in private later thank god) who was this bitch?, how dare she say that (which was obviously a joke) I am not allowed to work with her anymore (lol) it was funny as hell. There was ZERO attraction, thankfully 6 months my workwife moved and the issue was dead. Its funny when I look back at it, I think my assistant was also a bit choked as she would be my real ?workwife? I said that to my wife later and she responded ?oh that?s fine she is a lesbian?
Nester
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I think it depends on the scenario. I was under the impression we were discussing more workplace romance between married people. From what I've seen and experienced workplace romances rarely "just happen." They are usually built over a long time. Pretty much the exact opposite of meeting some strange in a bar. I find it impossible to know if some guy talks to a woman for months on end then it finally becomes physical he did not know she was married or in a committed relationship. At that point it takes two shitty people to tango.