It's easy to say this, but very hard in practice. I agree 100% with your rationale, but when some shit sucking mother fucker puts his dick in your business it's hard to just be like, "nah your cool bro, not your fault".
Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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Well I don't think you should make it a habit of being around the person you partner cheated with. I mean that puts it in the territory of you knowing them which I believe everyone said was a different type of cheating. As long as the other person remains an abstract they basically take on the it could have been anybody role so not a whole bunch of blame could or should be assigned to them.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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To be fair I did not say I would not properly dispose of my wife.
I know a lot of people at her work, so in my case I feel a punch to the face is justified.
I know a lot of people at her work, so in my case I feel a punch to the face is justified.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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This is the grown up thread so I won't troll you, but this is highly unrealistic.
Haast
Lord Nagafen Raider
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It would be nice, but it in't realistic.
Also, consider in the case of the "random dude" cheating:
- Your wife could very well have hidden her relationship status from the guy
- Even if the guy knew, your wife is out banging randoms. If it wasn't that scumbag, it would be some other scumbag. It's just reality.
Yes, I do think guys who knowingly sleep with married women are scumbags. I wouldn't do it. But I would also be mad at my wife rather than the random asshole she lined up. The world has no shortage of random assholes. There's always an Antarius out there who is willing to give her some fat guy sex, possibly followed by murder. So I guess you should hope she cheats with Antarius so there is a good chance she'll be at the bottom of some Cleveland lake.
Haast
Lord Nagafen Raider
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Fair enough. My choice of words is poor. It's not like I would be appreciative of the other guy. And if he was dumb enough to be around me afterwards, it probably wouldn't take much for me to punch him in the face. But my anger would be focused on the wife. I wouldn't be looking for a confrontation with Johnny McRandomdick.
Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
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Your wife made the vow, not some doucher you don't know. She violated your trust, not some dope that was just looking to get his dick wet.
Haast
Lord Nagafen Raider
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I actually did have a much less severe version of this in college. Short version:
My freshman year g/f and I agreed to continue dating over the summer, we lived a long way apart. I turned away opportunities to hook up, g/f and I stayed in touch. Shortly after we got back for sophomore year, she suddenly disappears. Fast forward more than a year, one of my casual friends from engineering class is eager to introduce me to his girlfriend of about a year at a party..... and it's my ex. I was not mad at him. I gave her the "I hope you die in a fire" look. She got the message.
My freshman year g/f and I agreed to continue dating over the summer, we lived a long way apart. I turned away opportunities to hook up, g/f and I stayed in touch. Shortly after we got back for sophomore year, she suddenly disappears. Fast forward more than a year, one of my casual friends from engineering class is eager to introduce me to his girlfriend of about a year at a party..... and it's my ex. I was not mad at him. I gave her the "I hope you die in a fire" look. She got the message.
Kirun
Buzzfeed Editor
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See, I would be. If my wife lacks the fortitude to not succumb/resort to cheating before communicating that she's unhappy with "x", that guy just did me a solid. In my opinion, the sooner, the better.
What does being hurt have to do with it. Of course you will be hurt, but that doesn't mean directing your anger at anyone other then your cheating ex is rationale.
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Gravy
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It's been interesting reading how guys would react, and I certainly know I wouldn't be a happy camper.
The thing is, I was that other guy. My wife of 25 years was married when we met. She had been married just over a year, and was not very happy in her marriage, but she really didn't know it. I think Catholic guilt forced her hand into marrying this guy because she had sex with him, and that's just how it worked. Back then? I mean I don't think that is the prevailing thought process these days.
Regardless, I was the bad man. Her husband told her parents that I was the Porn and Weed King of Central Missouri, and they believed him. It was a rough few years. Anyway, I think I had a point somewhere.
I didn't want to sleep with her, and we were just good friends until she gave me the signal that she didn't want to be married to this guy any longer, and from what she told me, I believed her. It was a good thing I did, too. She's the most caring, kind, generous, but still a little freaky chick I've ever met, and I'm lucky she's with me.
The thing is, I was that other guy. My wife of 25 years was married when we met. She had been married just over a year, and was not very happy in her marriage, but she really didn't know it. I think Catholic guilt forced her hand into marrying this guy because she had sex with him, and that's just how it worked. Back then? I mean I don't think that is the prevailing thought process these days.
Regardless, I was the bad man. Her husband told her parents that I was the Porn and Weed King of Central Missouri, and they believed him. It was a rough few years. Anyway, I think I had a point somewhere.
I didn't want to sleep with her, and we were just good friends until she gave me the signal that she didn't want to be married to this guy any longer, and from what she told me, I believed her. It was a good thing I did, too. She's the most caring, kind, generous, but still a little freaky chick I've ever met, and I'm lucky she's with me.
Big Phoenix
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
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So. Obviously the fallout for a while was bad, but do you have any residual regret towards having cheated with your now wife?