I'll try to keep this one shorter.
Fat girl flirts with me. I acknowledge but don't flirt back, because I'm not interested. I mention it to a friend, my friend tells me she's the nicest person on the planet, and he knows a couple people she's dating and all they do is go on and on about how she was the most amazing lover they had ever had. I know one of these guys, he confirms that she was the best sex of his life, and just loved sucking cock, would do it all the time, multiple times a day, and was mind blowing. So.... I'm still not attracted to her at all, but I'm kind of interested.
So, I go on this 5 day ren fair camping thing this last week, big event with 4 thousand or so people, got home last night. Well, she was there too, and found me on the first day. We hung out some, but wandered off and did our own thing. She sends me a text at like 2 a.m. and asks what I'm doing, I let her know I was just climbing into my tent. She says she's bored and would I mind if she comes to my tent and hangs out with me. I decide to cave and say yes, knowing exactly what this means.
Now, I know my motivators where shitty here, I knew what the issue was. I'm not attracted to this lady but a combination of still being butthurt over getting dumped a couple months ago, to several failed blind dates during the interim, to friends telling me this girl was totally amazing and worth it, basically all led up to "Ehhh... why not?"
So, she gets there, and we hang out, and make out, and I'm like, ok, this is pretty much not gross. Great. Then she goes down on me and it's terrible. Just like, one of the worst, if not the worst, blowjobs of my entire life. So, after a couple minutes I stop her, with just like "I can't wait any longer, I have to taste you" kind of play, but in reality it was just to get her to stop hurting my dick with her mouth. So, she pulls off her dress and I go down on her and... full natural muff. I haven't dealt with that in a solid 15 years, and its again, just not my thing. So, I'm going down on her, and just trying not to gag, again, really not my thing. I do it for a few minutes and then get up to do the dead, only I'm completely flaccid by now. She starts going down on me again, and I get hard, although I think a lot of it was sheer willpower on my part.
I put a condom on, and start going. Only, it's super awkward because shes fat. I don't know how to do anything, because, like, I don't think she bends the way girls I usually have sex with bend. I think my only option is to kind of missionary her? I'm doing that, but I'm just kind of... like, there's no want or desire, other than getting out of the situation. I was mostly just keeping my eyes shut because if I opened them I went "Fucking gross" mentally. After a few minutes I just couldn't stay hard anymore. I stopped and told her sorry, I shouldn't have made a move because I was drinking earlier, and it just wasn't going to happen, basically I blamed "whisky dick". She was fine and said "It's totally ok, I already got mine, so I just feel bad you're not going to cum." And then I basically just told her thank you and started immediately talking about how tired and exhausted I was. She left after a bit and I went to sleep with a deep feeling of "I've made a huge mistake".
Sure enough, the next day she kept trying to run into me, and in the evening she sent me a text asking if she could come over, and I said "I'm actually really beat tonight, sorry, I'm just going to crash.". Well, day 3 she sends me a big "I don't really do one night stands and thought there was going to be repeat performances, etc." and I had to send a big "Hey, glad it happened, lovely to have known you, but I wasn't looking for a relationship, and just assumed, a drunken sex night while camping was kind of a one off thing. Sorry, but I think that was it." in a much nicer, longer, and more polite way. She said she understands and it's cool.
That night, met a super fit 24 year old girl, went back to her tent and made out with her. Felt much better. Night 4 I met an even nicer/cuter/smarter 29 year old lady and spent the evening with her.
Today I'm talking to both the 24 and 29 year old ladies, both of whom would really like to hang out more and see what happens. They each live 3 hours away though, in opposite directions.
The moral of the story is.... Fat people are gross, your friends are lier's, and good things come to those who wait... or who don't wait I guess, but then you have to remember the fat girl and kick yourself for not waiting.
