Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Khane

Khane

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Frenzied Wombat_sl said:
It's not about effort for a man past a certain point of familiarity, it's about "newness". Men are biologically wired to fuck, and fuck often, and I'm not talking about doing the same woman. I could go into the gazillion sperm, multiple erections per day factoids, but everybody knows it already. Monogamy is a simply a social construct that does its best to override these biological drives. Look at homosexual men--mostly promiscuous, multiple partners, and *generally* aren't looking to settle down until they are older than the average straight guy. Homosexual men basically represent "the unfettered male"-- how a man would behave sexually if the various social constructs and restrictions imposed on a traditional male/female relationship didn't exist. A man is built to be a slut. Tell me guys, how many of you after blowing your load have had your "interest level" for the woman lying beside you drop to almost nil, at least until you are horny again? This is just a biological mechanism at work doing its best to have you "move on". Women on the other hand develop a closer bond upon having sex. So it's not about introducing "dirty talk" or costumes-- that will help/carry things along, but ultimately the man wants to *smell* a different woman, touch boobs he's never touched before, and hear a tone of moan he's never heard before. I honestly wish it wasn't the case, because I've felt like a total asshole passing up some marriage quality women when I was younger simply because I was "bored" of fucking them, but it's an urge that is very difficult to control..
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There are so many fallacies in this post. A lot of the gay community is fiercefully faithful. You are making excuses for your own behavior because you feel your own desires and personality need to be excused. THAT is a product of our social construct. There is nothing wrong with the way you are choosing to live your life. But for many people companionship is desirable and a basic human instinct if you ask me. It's why people tend to go back to the familiar. We enjoy the comfort and satisfaction of not needing to impress. There is certainly allure in the new, but I feel that allure comes from the necessity to feel desirable to the opposite sex and less to do with "we aren't wired to be monogamous". If your partner makes you feel uninteresting you'll seek affection elsewhere. Humans are diverse creatures. We all have different wants and needs.

Monogamy isn't a problem, the social stigma attached to people who decide not to adhere to that norm is.
 
lindz

lindz

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Khane_sl said:
There are so many fallacies in this post. A lot of the gay community is fiercefully faithful. You are making excuses for your own behavior because you feel your own desires and personality need to be excused. THAT is a product of our social construct. There is nothing wrong with the way you are choosing to live your life. But for many people companionship is desirable and a basic human instinct if you ask me. It's why people tend to go back to the familiar. We enjoy the comfort and satisfaction of not needing to impress. There is certainly allure in the new, but I feel that allure comes from the necessity to feel desirable to the opposite sex and less to do with "we aren't wired to be monogamous". If your partner makes you feel uninteresting you'll seek affection elsewhere. Humans are diverse creatures. We all have different wants and needs.

Monogamy isn't a problem, the social stigma attached to people who decide not to adhere to that norm is.
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That is a well thought out post, really appreciate it. Would + if I could.
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lindz

lindz

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To follow my earlier line of conversation, if I wanted to implement porn into our sex life, anyone have recommendations on where to look? I have zero idea where to start. I'd be interested in a more erotica type style, not cheesy or overly fake.

Sorry if this is an awkward place to ask (or inappropriate, please delete if it is mods), screenshots would just net a lot more annoyance.
 
Gravy

Gravy

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I'd just ask your husband which sites he likes going to first, and go from there.

Beware: 95% of pro porn is cheesy and overly fake.
 
opiate82

opiate82

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If you aren't interested in cheesy (I will say that some of the cheesy stuff helped ease in the idea of my wife and I watching porn together as it added some levity to the experience) then I would suggest stuff done by Andrew Blake. He touches on many different fetishes, so you can pick and choose accordingly, and tends to be more artful (as porn can be anyways) than most stuff.
 
Deathwing

Deathwing

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The only person you should apologize to is yourself. For asking a forum full of males to help you pick out porn.

As Gravy said, 95% of porn is fake and/or cheesy. Cheesy is bad, fake not necessarily. If the actress can pull off making it look real while faking, than who are you to care? But that's so rare you might as well go by the criterion of what looks good and then mute it.

Oh yeah
Fuck yeah
Oh shit
Fuck me harder
Repeat ad infinitum.

It's even worse when the males decide to talk. Ugh.

Gravy's suggestion is good. I'll also add that finding porn you like is good too. You really think if you say, without giggling, "Want to watch with me while this chick fits two dicks up her ass?", that he's going to say no?
 
Khane

Khane

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I would say no. Deathwing, you are a fucked up dude. You should have been a doctor, not an engineer. You would have been brilliant at that. Not that you aren't a good engineer, I wouldn't know, but every good doctor I know is perverse like you.
 
Deathwing

Deathwing

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You would say no to that? Who cares whether you're into that or not? I'm not. I'm purely a one dick per hole guy. BUT I do want to watch porn with someone that thinks 2 dicks 1 hole is hot. That itself is alluring.

That said, I should have been a doctor. Better pay and steadier work.

Oh, btw, I'm not disagreeing that I'm a fucked up dude. Maybe not for that reason, but whatever.
 
Noodleface

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Couple of reasons why I watch porn:

My wife won't let me cum in her mouth.
I don't want to cum in my wife's mouth - but doing it to a stranger would be cool.

It's stuff like that. Just fantasies for men. I've tried to ask my wife to explain her fantasies and I don't get them.. like she seems to be fascinated with me dressing up like a warrior or something, stuff that I don't necessarily understand but I'd be willing to do if it got her going.

As for how to incorporate porn, it's weird. My wife has skirted around the idea of porn, and we started her with softcore retard shit. She thought it was hilarious but at the same time seeing two people fuck got her going a bit and we went from there. We tried to copy the stuff on the tv, but it was so crazy fake that we just went to town on our own after awhile. I'm a little self conscious of her watching real porn with me. Guys have their favorite few stars, and I wouldn't necessarily want her to know that. I'd feel like she would start thinking "this is what he wants, Ashlynn Brooke. Why don't I look like her? Why doesn't he love me? Why would he look at another women?" Some couples get along great with porn though.

Slightly drunk so sorry for the rambling
 
P

Profundis

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Noodleface_sl said:
Couple of reasons why I watch porn:

My wife won't let me cum in her mouth.
I don't want to cum in my wife's mouth - but doing it to a stranger would be cool.

It's stuff like that. Just fantasies for men. I've tried to ask my wife to explain her fantasies and I don't get them.. like she seems to be fascinated withme dressing up like a warrior or something, stuff that I don't necessarily understand but I'd be willing to do if it got her going.

As for how to incorporate porn, it's weird. My wife has skirted around the idea of porn, and we started her with softcore retard shit. She thought it was hilarious but at the same time seeing two people fuck got her going a bit and we went from there. We tried to copy the stuff on the tv, but it was so crazy fake that we just went to town on our own after awhile. I'm a little self conscious of her watching real porn with me. Guys have their favorite few stars, and I wouldn't necessarily want her to know that. I'd feel like she would start thinking "this is what he wants, Ashlynn Brooke. Why don't I look like her? Why doesn't he love me? Why would he look at another women?" Some couples get along great with porn though.

Slightly drunk so sorry for the rambling
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Hoss

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lindz_sl said:
To follow my earlier line of conversation, if I wanted to implement porn into our sex life, anyone have recommendations on where to look? I have zero idea where to start. I'd be interested in a more erotica type style, not cheesy or overly fake.
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I use xvideos.com Just get on a porn site and start searching. You're just going to have to watch a few till inspiration strikes, and then search for that.

I remember reading about some former porn star turned producer who started making 'porn for women'. I don't think it did well, but at least its out there. Maybe look for some instructional porn. Like how to do anal, or kama sutra. Other than that, you might like the playboy channel stuff, it seems to be more softcore, but it also usually has a cheesy plot.
 
Vandyn

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lindz_sl said:
To follow my earlier line of conversation, if I wanted to implement porn into our sex life, anyone have recommendations on where to look? I have zero idea where to start. I'd be interested in a more erotica type style, not cheesy or overly fake.

Sorry if this is an awkward place to ask (or inappropriate, please delete if it is mods), screenshots would just net a lot more annoyance.
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If if doesn't do anything for you (which you admitted in an earlier post), then it may not be something you get into long term. Sounds like you would mostly being doing it for him, which isn't a bad thing unless you think he needs that stimulation to spice up your sex life (doesn't sound like it though). As mentioned above, almost all of it is fake/cheesy anyway.

I hear you about trying to spice things up, but then again sometimes that's easier said than done depending on circumstances. I think it also goes back to the kind of sex drive you have and some, especially women, do not have that. There is nothing worse then going through the trouble of doing something 'different', only to find out that she's really not into it that night or has a headache or is just tired and wants to go to bed. I think also for a lot of guys, there is that underlying fear of 'failure'. That if she's not totally into it (most guys can tell), it feels like a failure, even rejection.
 
iannis

iannis

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Porn is an attitude and an outlet for sexual drives which, honestly, have very few healthy expressions in sexual relationships. Yeah, quinloe is gonna disagree but he's a fucking freak. The odds of finding someone that not only shares your sexual deviations, but who shares the pattern of their changing natures, that's remote. And even if you win the lottery on THAT one, not all sexual motives are by definition healthy ones. Destructive or self destructive urges are certainly possible.

And look, all you deviants, I'm not saying that swinging, or bondage, or cuckolding, or whatever fetish it is by itself precludes intimacy, personal fulfillment, and shared growth -- but when you're fucking a tranny in the ass in the wal-mart parking lot I really don't think you're living the dream. Maybe you are, what do I know and what do I care. But it ain't my dream. But i'll watch a dude fuck a tranny in the ass in the wal-mart parking lot. Sure. I could fap to that.

What deathwing said is 90% of it. Sometimes I just want to watch a french whore fist herself. It doesn't mean that I want to see my girl do it. Not even a little bit. All Porn is fantasy, even if it's real for the people making it.

Maybe some of the Adam & Eve stuff. They kinda make girl-porn, I think.
 
Joeboo

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lindz_sl said:
To follow my earlier line of conversation, if I wanted to implement porn into our sex life, anyone have recommendations on where to look? I have zero idea where to start. I'd be interested in a more erotica type style, not cheesy or overly fake.

Sorry if this is an awkward place to ask (or inappropriate, please delete if it is mods), screenshots would just net a lot more annoyance.
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Take a couples trip to your local sex toy shop. They're bound to sell porn(lol paying for porn), but it's a good place to browse together and pick out a few things that look interesting to both of you. Honestly, you need something fairly long and on DVD so you can play it in your bedroom, stopping to work laptop/tablet in the middle of getting it on isn't ideal. You can also have some fun looking at all the toys. Sex stores are fun to visit as a couple, it's not just all creepy loner dudes that frequent those places (assuming it's a decently run place in a good part of town, not some sex dungeon down in the burnt-out warehouse district or something)
 
Cad

Cad

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Lindz, first you need to get it into your head that there is nothing wrong with watching people have sex, secondly that watching people have sex turns men on, and third, realize that your man being turned on by something other than you is okay, and even exciting.

Once you get there, him putting on his favorite midget porn or whatever cracked out shit he likes that he currently hides from you will be just fine and you can laugh about it and experience it with him, together. Bringing each other pleasure, regardless of the method, should be fun and desirable to you.
 
lindz

lindz

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Vandyn_sl said:
If if doesn't do anything for you (which you admitted in an earlier post), then it may not be something you get into long term. Sounds like you would mostly being doing it for him, which isn't a bad thing unless you think he needs that stimulation to spice up your sex life (doesn't sound like it though). As mentioned above, almost all of it is fake/cheesy anyway.

I hear you about trying to spice things up, but then again sometimes that's easier said than done depending on circumstances. I think it also goes back to the kind of sex drive you have and some, especially women, do not have that. There is nothing worse then going through the trouble of doing something 'different', only to find out that she's really not into it that night or has a headache or is just tired and wants to go to bed. I think also for a lot of guys, there is that underlying fear of 'failure'. That if she's not totally into it (most guys can tell), it feels like a failure, even rejection.
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No it doesn't do anything for me personally and is not something I would ever consider for just me. In the context of a relationship though that is often different. For example I am into bondage and dominance/submission which isn't something that really interests my husband too much. But he gets extremely turned one when we do it because it is something that really gets me going. I am a pretty sexual person and enjoy exploring that with my husband so I'm interested in giving porn a try. I view it as a form of erotica to heighten the arousal. It may not be something we use long term, but if it is fun a couple of times, why not go for it. It is something new, something hot and exciting. That is always something I want to add to my sex life, I like good sex.
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As for not being in the mood and such, yeah it happens but we're pretty in synch so it isn't very common. Like Nester has said, and me as well, communication is so important here. Just keeping an open communication allows us to be pretty in tune with each other sexually. It is also helpful that I am such a sexual person so I push a lot for a very open sex life. I think my husband would be happy with a lot less but I push him a lot and he's definitely happier for it. He definitely still gets that fear of failure but I try pretty hard to encourage openness which has really helped our sex life.
 
lindz

lindz

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Cad_sl said:
Lindz, first you need to get it into your head that there is nothing wrong with watching people have sex, secondly that watching people have sex turns men on, and third, realize that your man being turned on by something other than you is okay, and even exciting.

Once you get there, him putting on his favorite midget porn or whatever cracked out shit he likes that he currently hides from you will be just fine and you can laugh about it and experience it with him, together. Bringing each other pleasure, regardless of the method, should be fun and desirable to you.
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None of that is a problem for us/me at all. It just hasn't been something we haven't incorporated yet and honestly not really sure why. I'm asking about porn purely academically. I enjoy talking and learning about sex and it is still such a hard subject to talk about for a lot. I don't have a single female friend for example that I feel comfortable talking about it with (a lot are religious so my views on sex are way out there) so my outlet is you guys and my husband. It always helps to get other opinions.
 
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