Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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Cad
scientia potentia est
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chaos
Buzzfeed Editor
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Yeah don't get me wrong, I fuck up a lot, I have serious problems communicating or sharing/expressing emotions. Which makes me get even more butthurt when I actually do and then just get blown off. I post about my wife here, but if she were posting she would probably be talking about what an asshole I am and how I don't understand how difficult it is for her and should support her more or whatever, I don't know. There are no good guys, it isn't a movie, just some shit that happened.
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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I've seen what my wife says about me to her friends. Some of it's true, much of it is stuff she makes up in her head.
Last night she tried talking to me, just about totally non related stuff and I found myself wanting to reply, but just something in me wouldn't do it other than a few two word responses. She later came out of the bedroom and sat on the couch and asked if I could hear the neighbors being loud again but I couldn't so I said no. She said a couple more things like she was trying...but again, that part of me is broken at the moment and just didn't have it in me to engage her.
Tonight has been much of the same, less talking but being very civil with the boy around, which is all I can hope for.
I got my car today, my payment is a bit high due to not having much to put down on it, but I'll figure it out. It's one major piece of stress that's now off the pile so it was worth it.
Last night she tried talking to me, just about totally non related stuff and I found myself wanting to reply, but just something in me wouldn't do it other than a few two word responses. She later came out of the bedroom and sat on the couch and asked if I could hear the neighbors being loud again but I couldn't so I said no. She said a couple more things like she was trying...but again, that part of me is broken at the moment and just didn't have it in me to engage her.
Tonight has been much of the same, less talking but being very civil with the boy around, which is all I can hope for.
I got my car today, my payment is a bit high due to not having much to put down on it, but I'll figure it out. It's one major piece of stress that's now off the pile so it was worth it.
Great post mkopec.
As someone that got married out of college, had regrets, got divorced I can tell you in my experience that marriage is always a work in progress. My second wife, now 11 years, is awesome. Are woman crazy? Sometimes. I have a saying whenever they do something that is categorically woman like that "its the tits" causing it. However men are fucking distant, unloving ass holes who will spend more time catering to a friend, forum, MMO, game or whatever than their own kid or wife.
Marriage is work. Its hard to spend a lifetime with someone that sometimes drive you fucking nuts for the same god damn reasons over the last x years. Then you realize that life is work and regardless of whatever set of tits you happen to be with that the problems are going to be similar. Everyone tells you that boys and girls are different. A real man, experienced man, knows that its not just the pee pee or vagina that makes that statement true. Woman think and feel differently and if you don't stoke that emotional fire, if you don't treat them right then you'll eventually lose them.
The bottom line about woman is despite their craziness, we men in fact are the bigger issue. Many of us are emotionally constipated, unable to admit we are wrong and tend to get pissed off at the smallest stupidest shit and carry that through the day like its the end of the fucking world. Not to say that woman aren't crazy or that they don't deserve some shit but honestly, from my cheap seats and based on my friends and what goes on, we are the bigger problem.
As someone that got married out of college, had regrets, got divorced I can tell you in my experience that marriage is always a work in progress. My second wife, now 11 years, is awesome. Are woman crazy? Sometimes. I have a saying whenever they do something that is categorically woman like that "its the tits" causing it. However men are fucking distant, unloving ass holes who will spend more time catering to a friend, forum, MMO, game or whatever than their own kid or wife.
Marriage is work. Its hard to spend a lifetime with someone that sometimes drive you fucking nuts for the same god damn reasons over the last x years. Then you realize that life is work and regardless of whatever set of tits you happen to be with that the problems are going to be similar. Everyone tells you that boys and girls are different. A real man, experienced man, knows that its not just the pee pee or vagina that makes that statement true. Woman think and feel differently and if you don't stoke that emotional fire, if you don't treat them right then you'll eventually lose them.
The bottom line about woman is despite their craziness, we men in fact are the bigger issue. Many of us are emotionally constipated, unable to admit we are wrong and tend to get pissed off at the smallest stupidest shit and carry that through the day like its the end of the fucking world. Not to say that woman aren't crazy or that they don't deserve some shit but honestly, from my cheap seats and based on my friends and what goes on, we are the bigger problem.
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What kind of car? Let's see a pic!
How did the wife react to you having your own car?
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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I drive a lot for work and I wanted something smaller...but still large enough for two kids in the back and my oldest up front with me. I got a 2014 Ford Focus 4 door sedan.
It was dark by the time I got off the lot so I wasn't able to take a picture.
Wife doesn't know. I was honestly going to hold off on it but last night I said to myself "Self...lets see if she takes her car to work in the morning. She knows your situation and she knows without a car you will lose your job...so lets see what happens"
She left and took the car so I said "well okay then" and left work early to go get it.
After the first of the month (once our rent is paid) I will separate our bank accounts. She said before she wanted to do that when she was yelling and screaming at me. So I'll do that after rent comes out and use that as an excuse to still cover whats going on. When she sees the car, if she flips out I'll tell her it doesn't effect her as it's in my name and out money is separate. It'll be safe come the divorce because she doesn't like Fords and she won't want the payment...and even if she does somehow manage to take it, whatever, it doesn't hurt me in anyway, I'll transfer the title and loan to her and she can deal with it and I'll then get another. -shrug-
It was dark by the time I got off the lot so I wasn't able to take a picture.
Wife doesn't know. I was honestly going to hold off on it but last night I said to myself "Self...lets see if she takes her car to work in the morning. She knows your situation and she knows without a car you will lose your job...so lets see what happens"
She left and took the car so I said "well okay then" and left work early to go get it.
After the first of the month (once our rent is paid) I will separate our bank accounts. She said before she wanted to do that when she was yelling and screaming at me. So I'll do that after rent comes out and use that as an excuse to still cover whats going on. When she sees the car, if she flips out I'll tell her it doesn't effect her as it's in my name and out money is separate. It'll be safe come the divorce because she doesn't like Fords and she won't want the payment...and even if she does somehow manage to take it, whatever, it doesn't hurt me in anyway, I'll transfer the title and loan to her and she can deal with it and I'll then get another. -shrug-
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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/infraction
And thank you. Yes, it very well could end up like my last one...but that would look pretty awesome for my getting custody of my son if it happened.
iannis
Musty Nester
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No doubt, no doubt.
Coming to understand her better should also help you. God -- it's something about being a man. We get in those two word moods with women even when we're not fighting with them or have a grudge to bear. I've caught myself doing it to GIRLFRIENDS before. And it's a real effort of will to explain "Brightness, it's not you. I'm moody. And this is how some men get moody. I am sorry. Keep talking. I am listening." And I'm sure I sound like a surly child. But sometimes that's the best you can do.
How much worse with a wife.
Gravy
Bronze Squire
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Hopefully not much worse than a wife if sheunderstandsthe situation and has been through it before and loves you anyway because you make her toes curl.
Its funny you posted something like this now. Actually just last week I realized I wasn't doing the best I could as a husband to my wife. We have never been overly affectionate people but I just realized it has probably been years since I told her that I loved her. So I started now that everynight I say goodnight to her and tell her I love her. She seems to be responding well to it. I realized that our "together" time is usually watching TV. Normally she is watching something and I'm just dicking around on the tablet. I've started to try and actually engage in what she is watching. I've started doing just minor things like if I get home from work early on Friday instead of launching myself upstairs to play the computer I'll clean the house and do all the chores. I'll take care of dinner. I'll just buy flowers. Just minor things that are very low-effort but mean a ton to your wife.
Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
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Tenk's post reminded me of a book my wife made me read. Have we talked about the 5 languages of love in this thread? The basic premise is there are 5 general ways people show love, but most of us only respond to 1 of them. IIRC, the 5 languages are touch, quality time, words of affirmation (tenks saying I love you every night), gifts, and acts of service. His message is that if your marriage is on the rocks, but you both actually still love each other, force yourself to try showing love in some of these other languages. There is a quiz you can take to help narrow down your preferred method.
I wouldn't say it's helped my marriage because we were doing fine, but since I've read it, I've seen applications in other relationships (including those of friends). For instance, I realized my daughter's language is gifts, so now I try to buy her little trinkets. I have a friend on the edge of divorce even though I could tell they both loved each other, so we gave them a copy of the book
I wouldn't say it's helped my marriage because we were doing fine, but since I've read it, I've seen applications in other relationships (including those of friends). For instance, I realized my daughter's language is gifts, so now I try to buy her little trinkets. I have a friend on the edge of divorce even though I could tell they both loved each other, so we gave them a copy of the book
DickTrickle
Definitely NOT Furor Planedefiler
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Even if your marriage is fine at this very second it doesn't hurt to try and put forth the most and best effort possible. Marriages generally die a death of a thousand cuts.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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I say the I love you before bed with a forehead kiss and also when I leave for work. I'm probably a pretty shitty husband though.
Neither one of us put much emphasis on words. You can say anything you want but actually doing things is different. We're both action-oriented people. I told her I loved her through my actions and I'm just trying to change it up so I do it via my actions and my words now.
Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
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Traitor! Men may be "emotionally constipated" but women are emotionally overloaded. From my point of view emotions are a fact of life, but generally interfere with rational thought and proper decision making skills. This is why so many women appear "crazy". I don't see how you can state that we're the problem because we don't embrace irrational and emotional thought processes. While I may be entirely in agreement with you concerning the claim that we sometimes bring out the "crazy" in women by being emotionally ignorant or insensitive, in my opinion negligence or insensitivity doesn't deserve shrieking/crying/crazy in response-- it's a disproportionate and counter productive retaliation.