Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Cad_sl said:

If you're having sex as often as you want to, whats the issue? Why would your dick be talking if it is satisfied to its hearts content?

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Thats why I am not certain the problem is due to sex. Also maybe what Soy and Wombat said.

wormie_sl said:

Thats why I am not certain the problem is due to sex. Also maybe what Soy and Wombat said.

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Definitely, unquestionably what soy and wombat said.

Out of curiosity, how much porn do you watch? I feel like my appetite for strange is satisfied with porn.

Cad brings up a good point with the kinky sex. That might well be working to satisfy my appetite for strange too. How kinky do you two get?

Cad_sl said:

I'd say if the problem is in your head, then work on your head. The issue isn't that you're fundamentally incompatible with your wife, you didn't mention any problems. You just aren't feeling that "spark" right now. Well, that spark is all in your head. You can make it be what you want it to be. You need to spice up your life with your wife, don't let it be routine. Now whether that means having kinky sex, going and doing kinky things, or just being a more interesting person in general around each other, there's lots of ways to do it. But basically you need to rekindle interest in each other, and that can be done lots of ways. But mostly, its just effort and awareness. It's hard to explain or give advice without really knowing you, but you know what kind of routine you and your wife fall into. Intentionally break that routine and shake things up.

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We dont get too kinky. Occasionally the hand cuffs come out and stuff like that but its not often. We have sex no more than 2-3 times a week and more often than not, its 1-2 times. Its entirely my fault as my sexual appetite has never been anything to brag about and she has always been a lot hungrier than I. Its most likely due to some issues that pre date my relationship with her.

Hoss_sl said:

Definitely, unquestionably what soy and wombat said.

Out of curiosity, how much porn do you watch? I feel like my appetite for strange is satisfied with porn.

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I watch way too much porn, the times when I dont, we have sex more often but I am usually fairly tired most of the days so usually its easier to rub one out and pass out.

mures_sl said:

Wormie, I'll also echo whomever it said you should really try spending more time with your wife and her hobbies and in turn she can do the same. When I read your first post my impression was that you have a roommate, not a wife. It should be more than a little concerning your wife is working 60-70 hours a week and is looking to work longer hours, that there should tell you something about the relationship. I normally work 60 hours a week and the wife will work 40-60 hours depending on peak season and by the time peak season is winding down we certainly miss each other more and look forward to spending more time together.

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It has been like this since my wife and I met. We started dating when she just started med school. She spent her entire days there, I am talking 6 am to 10 pm almost every day. After med school, her residency required a similar commitment and after that, she went and did a fellowship which not only required 14-16 hours of work a day, it was on the other side of the country. My schedule is similarly busy. I work about 50 hours each week and for as long as I remember I have had a school load that has done nothing but increase over time due to harder classes and extracurricular activities. So we have always spent very little time together at home. We do go out once or twice a week together and we used to go on vacations a few times a year. The vacation thing has stopped because we just have no time now.

As far as hobbies, our hobbies is watching a show on TV here and there and being annoyingly pretentious foodies. Both of which we do together. Other than that, niether one of us has a hobby of any sort.

Gavinmad_sl said:

I hate to sound like a lifetime movie, but did the vacation thing stop because you actually don't have time anymore, or because you aren't choosing to make time for it?

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Time and money. Hers plans require quiet a bit of cash and I am about to make 100k less a year so we are saving as much as possible.

Cad_sl said:

I mean your activities include watching tv and eating.

So, yea. It's going to sound harsh and I don't mean it to be. But get a life. And do that life together.

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Its not harsh. And if it was, I would not mind. I am opening up here because I feel emotionally overwhelmed and its a first for me since a really bad breakup a long long time ago. Whatever advice and opinions can be offered I am here to listen. Plus talking about this shit feels weirdly soothing.

As for activities, while we have no hobbies, we do have some kind of a life. We go to a museum here and there or to a broadway play. Going to eat is always an experience that is more than just sitting down and chewing. Also when we do go out, we go out with friends (who also happen to be family). We dont have any friends outside of family however. Niether one of us feels like putting up with the effort it takes to keep a relationship with others going is worth our personal time.

I like spending time with my wife. Whatever we do together is always better than doing it alone. Always.

The simplest way to end any temptation without causing problems would be to put off plans for a semester. Since you seem unwilling to do that, do something that will require her and your wife to interact, like studying at your home when the wife is around. Having your wife know who she is will limit your brain from working out scenarios to bang this chick. As an added bonus, nerd girl might decide being a home wrecker is not such a great idea. Either way, if you can't control yourself, you need to remove the source of temptation.

In any case, realize your wife is accommodating you dropping income to follow your educational plans and is, by your accounts, the perfect woman for you. The ONLY reason you are entertaining the fantasy is your dick wants to trade out for next years model. Don't do this to your wife or yourself. Be a man and be disciplined. You have a good life and a good future planned. Don't let your dick talk you into tossing that in the dumpster for a crack at some strange.