Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Frenzied Wombat_sl said:

Hah yes, it always goes down the same way. Make initial sacrifice doing the shit she wants to, being dragged out with her friends, etc. Then as time goes on you're willing to do that shit less and less, she starts getting insecure and crazy thinking you don't "care" anymore, tolerance for The Crazy reaches an equilibrium point where the pussy just isn't worth it, and it then ends. Rinse and repeat.

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You admit you stop caring about what she likes (and were essentially fraudulent in your interest initially) and say she's crazy and insecure for recognizing that. Makes sense.

DickTrickle_sl said:

You admit you stop caring about what she likes (and were essentially fraudulent in your interest initially) and say she's crazy and insecure for recognizing that. Makes sense.

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Dude, no one's gives a shit about what women are interested in. It's all just feigning interest until you get your peepee wet

Deathwing_sl said:

I'd rather eat cheese.

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+1

maybe someone needs to try eating cheese while getting a hummer.

Tarrant_sl said:

I'd go into more detail but no one wants to read long paragraphs how I hate myself for failing my kids.

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Obviously we want to read it, you just don't want to type it.

Time for me to check the papers for who got married in the last 2 months and look up their Facebook and guess which one is mario

Tarrant_sl said:

Thanks.

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DickTrickle_sl said:

You admit you stop caring about what she likes (and were essentially fraudulent in your interest initially) and say she's crazy and insecure for recognizing that. Makes sense.

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I take it you don't date much? So if she was making an effort to dress sexy all the time during month one, but by month six it was sweats and period panties around the house, she was being fraudulent as well? That's just the way relationships work bro, particularly after you get comfortable with each other.

Just because I was willing to sacrifice a Saturday playing Top Golf with her and her annoying friends, doesn't mean I'm always going to be open to doing that. A lot of Saturdays I'm going to want to spend the day playing Dragon Age instead, and that doesn't mean I don't care about her, and it certainly doesn't mean I'm cheating with the 22 year old marketing chick that my GF spotted at the Christmas party and was convinced that she "was looking at me". Get it?

Cad_sl said:

Well, first off I'd disagree that you failed your kids. You care, you're rectifying the situation, and you're doing it in such a way that they will recognize later that you did it for them. Having a parent that genuinely cares for them will make all the difference in the world, man. Real talk, you have not failed your kids, don't think that way.

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Thistimes over nine thousand. My parents got divorced when I was like 2 and my dad remarried when I was 3 so I lived with him up until I was 12 even though my mom had legal custody. At 12 he went full asshole, realized he couldn't handle the responsibility and literally put me on a bus to Buffalo which is where my mom lived at the time. He called her AFTER I was on the road to let her know. Not long afterwards we called him to get some of my stuff sent up and he demanded I apologize to him for making his life difficult.

So your desire to do whatever you can for your kids in a really shitty situation is out-fucking-standing parenting and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. Not even yourself.

Tarrant you said your wife was missing work, etc. Has she said anything else about how she feels though? Is she just numb to it all?

I know she's been causing problems for awhile - I'm just wondering if you leaving set her off in any way or if she's just still in depression mode.

Frenzied Wombat_sl said:

I take it you don't date much? So if she was making an effort to dress sexy all the time during month one, but by month six it was sweats and period panties around the house, she was being fraudulent as well? That's just the way relationships work bro, particularly after you get comfortable with each other.

Just because I was willing to sacrifice a Saturday playing Top Golf with her and her annoying friends, doesn't mean I'm always going to be open to doing that. A lot of Saturdays I'm going to want to spend the day playing Dragon Age instead, and that doesn't mean I don't care about her, and it certainly doesn't mean I'm cheating with the 22 year old marketing chick that my GF spotted at the Christmas party and was convinced that she "was looking at me". Get it?

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Yes, she was. If you make a lot of effort to present a fake version of yourself and then stop making it because that's who you are, it seems like you're wasting your time (her too). I don't know why you think that would be successful long term? Maybe it's why you're dating a ton of women you don't really like instead of being in longer relationships. I mean, that's fine if that's what you want (you do mention being led around by your dick), but it doesn't really sound like you enjoy those outcomes overall. It's one thing to present yourself well but it's another to misrepresent who you actually are.

Now, I think there is some inevitable adjustment that happens when you become more comfortable with someone but you make it sound like you really do put on a facade when you're so open about your contempt for those early relationship "sacrifices." It's the dating version of the get married and let yourself go to shit stereotype.

People don't usually present fake versions of themselves. Not in their minds at least. Life is different when you're single vs when you're in a relationship. Certain things matter to single people and other, entirely different things matter to people in relationships.

It isn't fake it's just peacocking. People do it at new jobs, people do it with new friends, people do it with their own fucking families. Get off your soap box Trickle, your shtick is getting old.

moontayle_sl said:

Thistimes over nine thousand. My parents got divorced when I was like 2 and my dad remarried when I was 3 so I lived with him up until I was 12 even though my mom had legal custody. At 12 he went full asshole, realized he couldn't handle the responsibility and literally put me on a bus to Buffalo which is where my mom lived at the time. He called her AFTER I was on the road to let her know. Not long afterwards we called him to get some of my stuff sent up and he demanded I apologize to him for making his life difficult.

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This sounds horrible. Damn my childhood was normal and boring. Well, I guess that means it wasn't normal after reading some of the shit in this thread.

Khane_sl said:

People don't usually present fake versions of themselves. Not in their minds at least. Life is different when you're single vs when you're in a relationship. Certain things matter to single people and other, entirely different things matter to people in relationships.

It isn't fake it's just peacocking. People do it at new jobs, people do it with new friends, people do it with their own fucking families. Get off your soap box Trickle, your shtick is getting old.

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Feel free to ignore me, Khane. I know these intrusions of your safe space are really triggering for you and I don't want that to keep happening.

Like I said, making yourself appealing isn't the same as being someone you're not (or don't want to keep being). If you bust your ass just to get a promotion at work and then slack off, it's totally reasonable for your boss to think you don't care and feel regret about the decision because you're no longer the worker that was promoted. Same thing going on here.

Deathwing_sl said:

You should stay away from the internet if fake personas truly bother you.

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It doesn't bother me that other people do it -- it just seems illogical based on some of their stated goals. If Frenzied just wanted to get laid for a few weeks/months with a new girl each time, I'd say he was going a pretty optimal route, but it seems he wants more than that. I just know not to present a fake version of myself if I'm looking to find a relationship because when I tried that in the past it didn't get me what I wanted.

You're equating a woman putting more effort into the way she looks at first or a man making a woman the center of his attention in a new relationship to lying. To you, what Frenzied suggested is the same as an atheist pretending he's deeply religious just to get laid. You're stretching.

Your analogy also sucks. Why wear a suit to an interview if the dress code is business casual?

If starting out in a relationship you begrudgingly spend every weekend with the new woman but in actuality, in a long term relationship, you want to have half or more of your weekends (or Saturdays or whatever) to yourself, then I don't see how anyone could be surprised that someone might not like that change. It's just a simple matter of compatibility at that point (and you of all people should understand that reality). If the woman values being together constantly and the guy doesn't, what's the point of faking it for a few months if you actually do want an LTR? Why not find a woman that doesn't need all your time from the get go? Likewise if a woman only begrudgingly dresses sexy in the beginning but she doesn't like that doing that often, she's setting up her man for disappointment later. Find a man who doesn't need her dolled up all the time. It's a bait and switch. It feels like a lot of wasted effort if you want an LTR or a marriage especially.

Now, there's certainly situations when both people are, for example, spending a lot of time together in a mutualyl interested way and then someone decides they need more space eventually, but that's a lot different than knowingly doing shit you don't like just to get someone into a relationship.