Oh I have no doubt it's just as much his fault as hers. I've told him so several times. He never set any boundaries and setting them twenty years into marriage is pretty much impossible. It's just the sheer hypocrisy of her behavior that amazes me. The other insane thing is they are avid church goers and she is so over the top nice to their acquaintances that nobody would ever guess it!
Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Frenzied Wombat
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I'm with you 100% on this one. NOBODY should be scrubbing toilets unless they have no other choice. And considering just how cheap it is to get someone to do so, it seems like an easy choice to me. One thing I took for granted when I moved to the states was just how much more important it was to have dual earners from a "security" standpoint. In the land of Evil Soshalizm you didn't have to worry about health insurance for your wife/kids if you lost your job, or whether you'd be able to afford your kid's first year college bill hitting your mailbox in a month. I'm by nature a very "safe" pessimistic person that tends to plan for the worst, and being a single income earner in the US seems super risky and stressful to me..
The main problem with finding decent looking women who make very good money is that they generally want a guy that makes even more money than they do.. So if she makes 100K she wants you to make 200K. Despite their success they still have that instinctual desire to be taken care of and not feel like the breadwinner. My sister that lives in NY makes 150K (not much for Manhattan, but still) and she's constantly whining about how hard it is to find a man that makes more than she does. Sure, she's happy to play around with the poor pretty boys, but for a relationship she "doesn't want to feel like the main earner"
Frenzied Wombat
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She sounds like she has BPD or just a histrionic personality type. These women who have no concept of hypocrisy, browbeat their husbands, and have a totally different personality type when interacting with people they are not emotionally invested in are almost textbook examples.. He's the quiet depressive personality and she's the loud abusive personality.. Like moths to a flame they are drawn to each other.. Or at least that's how a shrink explained it to me once..
Noodleface
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Gravy
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Man, even I clean our toilet, and I'm useless. It's about the easiest chore there is. Fuck vacuuming and dusting, though.
Noodleface
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I'm a bit OCD about dirt, I love vacuuming for some reason. Hard to really explain. Sort of like making the lines in your yard when you mow. I like to see it. Ireallyenjoy it.
Louis
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Not to change the subject of everything, but wanted some insight from you guys that are married and may have encountered this situation. I live in Southern Louisiana, which obviously has a huge Christian population. If I had to put it in to numbers I'd say it's about 9/10 people that believe in it. The chance of the 1 out of 10 being a female is very small. Not to sound sexist, but I find most women have issues looking past the childhood brainwashing that goes on. I think I may have met no more than 5-10 women in my life that were atheist and from here. As I've come to the age where I've started to really think about settling down it hit me that finding someone of like mind is very, very small. Right now I'm seeing someone who's very religious, which is fine and dandy while we're just screwing around. Getting married, on the hand, brings lots of different things that make it more complicated specifically with how your kids are raised, whether you go to church, ect.
Being that there a large amount of married atheists on this board I'm sure someone has been through this. I know the simple answer is move the fuck out of the south but that isn't going to happen. So hopefully some of you could shed light on how you handled this?
Being that there a large amount of married atheists on this board I'm sure someone has been through this. I know the simple answer is move the fuck out of the south but that isn't going to happen. So hopefully some of you could shed light on how you handled this?
Probably. My ex wife was pretty much an atheist, ironically she's from Southern Louisiana like you, and while that wasn't the reason we split it did make for some uncomfortable times regarding our son. Essentially neither one of you can support your viewpoint without stepping on the others toes. It also isn't really a subject you can avoid either especially in the South. With churches being such a big part of the community your kid(s) will come in to contact with other kids who go to church, attend religious functions of various types, etc. So eventually even if you and the wife agree not to talk about religion your little ones will come to you to at least ask why they don't get to go to the local church play/fair/kids group/whatever.
The ex and I did agree that we wouldn't attempt to push our kid one way or the other when it came to religion and for the most part were successful. However even innocuous things to either of us would set the other on edge. Like Thanksgiving with my family had a family prayer before eating, or when I would do Church stuff and my kid would ask about it I had to gloss over any of the actual faith stuff I had done that day/weekend/whatever. Its tough and I wouldn't recommend having kids with a partner who was so opposed to your personal beliefs like that.
Frenzied Wombat
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I live in Texas and consider myself both anti-religion and anti-football, so I've been through the same thing you have. My only suggestion is to join match.com or similar and just filter based on religion-- that's your "viable" pool right there. It's pretty much your only hope to be honest unless you want to join some MeetUp Atheist group. I used to think hitting on the slutty looking chick with the tramp stamp at the gym would be a safe "non-religious" bet, but then I found out super slutty chicks love Jesus too.
I don't think an atheist could possibly get along with a religious Christian-- their whole view of life is diametrically opposed.
My one effort/interaction with a religious girlfriend at the 3 month mark:
Me: So what would happen if you got pregnant?
Her: Well we would get married obviously
Me: What happened if you found out at 3 months pregnant that the baby had Down's?
Her: Well that would be sad, but we would still have it. If you're trying to imply an abortion that will *never* happen.
Me: You do realize that our lives would be over right? We would have to work until the day we die because the best job our child could ever get would be at Walmart. We'd be 75 years old taking care of a 12 year old in a 40 year old's body. It's the definition of a drain on society.
Her: He/she would be a gift from god and it's not our place to judge.
Me: Maybe the invention of genetic testing to prevent Down's babies was also a gift from God.
Her: *scowl*
Me: Besides essentially raising a child for the rest of our lives, can you imagine the extra costs?
Her: Well I guess you'll have to work extra hard..
Me: Err, Umm, GTFO?
Louis
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hahaha, that just added another element that I never even considered. I went to a Catholic school for 15 years, so I've been around it enough to know how the whole Catholic life goes. I'm basically the black sheep in my family that realized it didn't make much sense and didn't want any part of it. I think I'd be able to handle the spouse believing in it and the traditions that come with it, but as I said earlier I would never want to put my future kid(s) in the same situation I went through as a child.
Frenzied Wombat
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Yeah I know. I seriously wasn't anti-football when I moved here, I just hadn't had that much exposure to it growing up in Canada. What turned me off was the level of obsession with it at the expense of basic knowledge. It's fucking sad when you can name off every player's stats, know all the names of the draft picks, yet don't have a fucking inkling what decades World War II took place in. Everything is live, breathe, eat football. It's the male equivalent to your woman spending all her time focused on reality TV. So it's not the sport I have a problem with, it's the legion of mouth breathers here that wear burnt orange all season and see no issue with sending their 5 year old to go play with concussions.
Hah. That's not football, that is the retardation of the South in general. But yah I agree completely that southern football culture is a scary thing.
Frenzied Wombat
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We have a guy at the office that wears a Longhorn belt, Longhorn dress shirt, Longhorn cufflinks, and has a Sears-ish family photo on his desk where his entire family is wearing longhorn jerseys. He drives one of those massive"Texas edition" pick-ups with a huge Longhorn graphic on the back window where the flatbed portion has never held anything more than a bag of groceries. He asked me during the holidays whether Canadians celebrate Christmas too..
Hook your horns upside down next time you see him. Hillbilly will act like you killed his family.