Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Big Phoenix

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Exactly. People only treat you the way you let them. Let them know you arent gonna put up with their shit and childish attitude and they will either correct themselves or go find someone else to be a bitch to.
 

iannis

Musty Nester
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I told her no tonight and she got all pissy but I didn't care. I fell asleep early and finally got some goddamn sleep.

Forgot the best part. She woke me up at 8pm and told me dinner was ready. It was homemade pizza. Best wake up ever. Then she gave me a hummer in the bed.
Ahh, the old pizza on one end and some lips on the other. It doesn't even matter which is which.
 

Joeboo

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Also consider this Olebass,

You mentioned that she has applied for disability but was initially declined. Who is to say that she isn't just using you for a free place to live until she gets approved, has some income on her own, and can then leave? If you are this unhappy, she can't be blissfully happy herself. She may not be as unhappy as you are, but she definitely doesn't think everything is great.

The reason I say that is that I had that exact thing happen to me when I was younger(but on a smaller time scale). Started dating a girl, we both had decent jobs. After 6 months we moved in together(her apartment at the time, my lease was up, hers wasn't), then 6 months after that we moved to a bigger townhome. Well, at that point she got sick(started getting migraines daily) to the point that she couldn't work. After months of testing, no one could figure anything out, but she was not working and I was supporting us both. She applied for disability at this point, and surprisingly got approved about 6-8 months later. Of course through all of this, our relationship was a trainwreck, she was depressed and sick all the time, I was working my ass off to support us both in a lease that I really couldn't afford on just my 1 income at the time. It got to the point that we were those people who had to write a check at the gas station because we knew it would take a few days to process and we had zero money at the end of the month. We were BROKE.

Well, once her disability started coming in(we'd been together about 2 years at that point), money wasn't quite so tight, but she still wasn't working(and was blowing a lot of her disability money on pot, under the guise of it helping with her migraines). Fast forward 6 months and come to find out that all that spare time she had sitting at home, she had been cheating on me since she had started getting money again and could afford to put gas in her car and run around town. I didn't find out until I found naked pics on her PC that she had been emailing to a few different guys that she was chatting with online. Kicked her to the curb, she had to move back home with her parents at the age of 26(they weren't too thrilled), and I've never spoken to her since.

Out of those roughly 3 years total, the first year was amazing and the last 2 were pure hell. I don't know why I stuck it out as long as I did, just young and dumb I guess, and I felt like I was doing the right/manly thing, supporting her in her time of need, blah blah blah. All it did was allow her to completely stab me in the back.

The only little bit of revenge/satisfaction I got back was after she moved out, she forgot to change her disability social security check to not auto-deposit into our joint checking account(she had horrid credit and couldn't get a bank account of her own, so I had to be on it with her, I had my own separate accounts all along). So I saw that the day it deposited, I immediately transferred the $1500 or whatever to my own personal checking account, and closed the account down. Got several mean voice mails from her, and her mom even had the nerve to call me at my place of work and bitch me out, but I didn't give a fuck. I kept it.
 

Noodleface

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Also consider this Olebass,

You mentioned that she has applied for disability but was initially declined. Who is to say that she isn't just using you for a free place to live until she gets approved, has some income on her own, and can then leave? If you are this unhappy, she can't be blissfully happy herself. She may not be as unhappy as you are, but she definitely doesn't think everything is great.

The reason I say that is that I had that exact thing happen to me when I was younger(but on a smaller time scale). Started dating a girl, we both had decent jobs. After 6 months we moved in together(her apartment at the time, my lease was up, hers wasn't), then 6 months after that we moved to a bigger townhome. Well, at that point she got sick(started getting migraines daily) to the point that she couldn't work. After months of testing, no one could figure anything out, but she was not working and I was supporting us both. She applied for disability at this point, and surprisingly got approved about 6-8 months later. Of course through all of this, our relationship was a trainwreck, she was depressed and sick all the time, I was working my ass off to support us both in a lease that I really couldn't afford on just my 1 income at the time. It got to the point that we were those people who had to write a check at the gas station because we knew it would take a few days to process and we had zero money at the end of the month. We were BROKE.

Well, once her disability started coming in(we'd been together about 2 years at that point), money wasn't quite so tight, but she still wasn't working(and was blowing a lot of her disability money on pot, under the guise of it helping with her migraines). Fast forward 6 months and come to find out that all that spare time she had sitting at home, she had been cheating on me since she had started getting money again and could afford to put gas in her car and run around town. I didn't find out until I found naked pics on her PC that she had been emailing to a few different guys that she was chatting with online. Kicked her to the curb, she had to move back home with her parents at the age of 26(they weren't too thrilled), and I've never spoken to her since.

Out of those roughly 3 years total, the first year was amazing and the last 2 were pure hell. I don't know why I stuck it out as long as I did, just young and dumb I guess, and I felt like I was doing the right/manly thing, supporting her in her time of need, blah blah blah. All it did was allow her to completely stab me in the back.

The only little bit of revenge/satisfaction I got back was after she moved out, she forgot to change her disability social security check to not auto-deposit into our joint checking account(she had horrid credit and couldn't get a bank account of her own, so I had to be on it with her, I had my own separate accounts all along). So I saw that the day it deposited, I immediately transferred the $1500 or whatever to my own personal checking account, and closed the account down. Got several mean voice mails from her, and her mom even had the nerve to call me at my place of work and bitch me out, but I didn't give a fuck. I kept it.
You should've used some line like "It's a $1500 fee to suck another dude's dick in my house"
 

Joeboo

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I did forward the nude picture emails(complete with dirty talk captions by her daughter) to her mom after that phone call. I was so pissed. Never heard from her again.
 

Haast

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Well, once her disability started coming in(we'd been together about 2 years at that point), money wasn't quite so tight, but she still wasn't working(and was blowing a lot of her disability money on pot, under the guise of it helping with her migraines). Fast forward 6 months and come to find out that all that spare time she had sitting at home, she had been cheating on me since she had started getting money again and could afford to put gas in her car and run around town. I didn't find out until I found naked pics on her PC that she had been emailing to a few different guys that she was chatting with online. Kicked her to the curb, she had to move back home with her parents at the age of 26(they weren't too thrilled), and I've never spoken to her since.

Out of those roughly 3 years total, the first year was amazing and the last 2 were pure hell. I don't know why I stuck it out as long as I did, just young and dumb I guess, and I felt like I was doing the right/manly thing, supporting her in her time of need, blah blah blah. All it did was allow her to completely stab me in the back.
Man, that would damage my ability to trust people, I think. How did you bounce back?
 

Frenzied Wombat

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Man, that would damage my ability to trust people, I think. How did you bounce back?
If you've made it this far without ever being cheated on, taken advantage of, manipulated, or lied to by a girlfriend then my hat's off to you sir. One is either an optimist that thinks people are inherently good, and never allows past experiences to introduce skepticism into new relationships, or you're like me that view most people as opportunists unless proven otherwise, and at this point can't even entertain the possibility of marriage without a prenup. The latter I've decided is probably the only thing that could subdue the homicidal rage I'd feel if I experienced what Jaeboo did under the framework of marriage. Until divorce law takes into account morality/integrity when deciding custody/division of property, I would never be able to deal with the "injustice" of the situation.
 

Haast

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If you've made it this far without ever being cheated on, taken advantage of, manipulated, or lied to by a girlfriend then my hat's off to you sir. One is either an optimist that thinks people are inherently good, and never allows past experiences to introduce skepticism into new relationships, or you're like me that view most people as opportunists unless proven otherwise, and at this point can't even entertain the possibility of marriage without a prenup. The latter I've decided is probably the only thing that could subdue the homicidal rage I'd feel if I experienced what Jaeboo did under the framework of marriage. Until divorce law takes into account morality/integrity when deciding custody/division of property, I would never be able to deal with the "injustice" of the situation.
Well, you don't need to take your hat off. I've had some fairly serious bad experiences, which I why I asked the question.
 

Noodleface

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I had a girlfriend in high school cheat on me with some little twerp. I beat that kid's ass and he didn't even know who I was when I did it. He just thought some random dude beat the shit out of him (he didn't even know she had a boyfriend).

I wonder how I wasn't arrested.
 

Saladus

Bronze Knight of the Realm
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I just caught up on the last 20 pages that flew by. This is by far the most depressing thread in FoH / Rerolled history, if not the entire internet. Jesus H Christ. 8 months into my marriage currently and it's still going well but these stories scare the living fuck out of me.

Edit- And this thread was a fuck of a lot less depressing when I had a constant life experiences blog from Onoes's adventures.
 

Frenzied Wombat

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Well, you don't need to take your hat off. I've had some fairly serious bad experiences, which I why I asked the question.
So have we all bro, so have we all.. I really, honestly, do want to give credit to all the bros on this forum (and the world) that get royally fucked in a divorce (or even a relationship) and yet can plunge into the next one with no pre-nup or at a minimum with no "guard up". Between family, friends, the media, and this forum all I've seen are crazy divorces where the man gets fucked and treated like an ATM machine by the courts unless his ex was caught on camera with a heroine needle hanging out of her arm. Yet, for lack of a better metaphor, "you can't win if you don't gamble", yet I am not a gambling man..
 

Joeboo

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Man, that would damage my ability to trust people, I think. How did you bounce back?
Well, between my highschool sweetheart dying of ovarian cancer at the age of 22 before we were able to get done with college and get married, which took me several years to get over and start dating again, and then this being the next long relationship I had after that, I didn't even think about dating for several more years. I was kind of in the mindset at that point that I would probably just be single the rest of my life. Those two relationships were a good 8-9 years of my life up to that point and both ended in extremely traumatic fashion. Eventually found someone amazing when I wasn't even looking to find someone, and ended up getting married at the age of 34. 2 years later now and everything is still amazing.

I'll be honest though, I'm a generally trusting person so I didn't have much issue with actually trusting my wife, my hurdle was even allowing myself to fall in love again. I was pretty distant emotionally for quite a while when we started dating. Luckily she put up with my shit and we got through it.
 

chaos

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She changed, as in she made a most likely unconscious decision to not like sex anymore? Or she has a medical condition that killed her sex drive?
I know we've moved on my now, but I still had this reply open so whatever...

she has anxiety issues that came on after our second kid. She claims she has always had them but I never saw that, for years, and then all of the sudden she just can't deal with reality. She's taking meds now, a ton of them, which at least keep her from having panic attacks constantly. Two of the meds have decreased libido as a side effect. And we have young kids so obviously it isn't a porn shoot 24/7 at our house anyway. But this has been more than two years of this.

Thinking it through all I can think of is that I will wait until she has recovered from her surgery and just try talking to her again. It hasn't worked so far but maybe it will. I really don't want to go the counseling route.
 

Neki

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I just caught up on the last 20 pages that flew by. This is by far the most depressing thread in FoH / Rerolled history, if not the entire internet.
But also by far, the best thread on RR

Love you Onoes (no homo)
 

Haast

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Well, between my highschool sweetheart dying of ovarian cancer at the age of 22 before we were able to get done with college and get married, which took me several years to get over and start dating again, and then this being the next long relationship I had after that, I didn't even think about dating for several more years. I was kind of in the mindset at that point that I would probably just be single the rest of my life. Those two relationships were a good 8-9 years of my life up to that point and both ended in extremely traumatic fashion. Eventually found someone amazing when I wasn't even looking to find someone, and ended up getting married at the age of 34. 2 years later now and everything is still amazing.

I'll be honest though, I'm a generally trusting person so I didn't have much issue with actually trusting my wife, my hurdle was even allowing myself to fall in love again. I was pretty distant emotionally for quite a while when we started dating. Luckily she put up with my shit and we got through it.
Sometimes it's good to hear that things can get better when things aren't going well in your life. Thanks, Joeboo.

Thinking it through all I can think of is that I will wait until she has recovered from her surgery and just try talking to her again. It hasn't worked so far but maybe it will. I really don't want to go the counseling route.
Any particular reason you are hesitant about seeing a counselor? Like did your wife strongly object to it, is it a personal dislike/non-belief in it, or something else? If the situation is as you described, where you bring it up and she blows it off, sometimes it can help having a neutral 3rd party help dig deeper into each person's positions and reasons for them.

IIRC, there's a pretty long recovery on a hysterectomy, but that may have improved since one of my family members had one. So it may be a long time of built-up resentment in addition to the problem to overcome if you wait. Is she sympathetic to the problem but just physically limited by the condition/meds, or does she think everything is peachy and you are crazy for asking about it?
 

chaos

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Hysterectomy done via laproscopy has a minimal recovery time, from what I have read. I am hesitant for a lot of reasons. I am not sure it will change anything, or maybe change isn't possible, or she won't want to do it. idk, she knows I am unhappy. But to her the sex thing just isn't a big deal, like it doesn't even occur to her. Like everyone else we have other problems as well, but it just feels piled on.
 

Haast

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Hysterectomy done via laproscopy has a minimal recovery time, from what I have read. I am hesitant for a lot of reasons. I am not sure it will change anything, or maybe change isn't possible, or she won't want to do it. idk, she knows I am unhappy. But to her the sex thing just isn't a big deal, like it doesn't even occur to her. Like everyone else we have other problems as well, but it just feels piled on.
If you let serious unhappiness linger, it tends to build upon itself and manifest more problems. There's no shame in seeing a counselor and trying to work some stuff out. It beats sitting around resenting your wife and living a life of frustration. And if it doesn't get things worked out, I guess you have the same unpleasant decisions ahead of you afterwards.

Good to hear the recovery times have improved on the procedure, btw.
 

Nester

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Hysterectomy done via laproscopy has a minimal recovery time, from what I have read. I am hesitant for a lot of reasons. I am not sure it will change anything, or maybe change isn't possible, or she won't want to do it. idk, she knows I am unhappy. But to her the sex thing just isn't a big deal, like it doesn't even occur to her. Like everyone else we have other problems as well, but it just feels piled on.
Maybe it's time you make it a big deal, if in fact it is a big deal to you.