Cincinnati is a weird place. It's an alternate reality where the South won the Civil War and the city was turned into an orphaned, international buffer zone between the Union and the Confederacy. In the weird alternate reality that is "The Nati", Pete Rose is the supreme all-time mayor. Food rationing during the war led people to create a replacement spaghetti that consisted of canned chili on bagged noodles with government cheese. To this day, they prefer the substitute spaghetti more than the real thing, even though it is wretched. In the city of Cincinnati, NASCAR, baseball, and college basketball are the only three sports that matter. In Cincinnati, restaurants just float away. The local economy is totally based on prescription painkillers and custom built cornhole boards. Opinions are dictated by talk radio trolls. The Emerald Ash Borer and bedbugs have united to ruin all spaces outside and in. Forensics students at the University of Cincinnati have the unique opportunity to hold class outside at a real unsolved crime scene every single day. And all the teachers at the local high schools have to preregister as sex offenders. With all of this, the upstart perpetual expansion team that is the Bengals, with their cheapskate owner and literacy first approach to logos, just can't find a loving audience.