Parent Thread

Pros: You have a backup child.

Cons: You have to fund said backup child.

I think I'd be more ok with it if I could guarantee the same gender as the 1st, so we could use hand-me-down everything. That would save TONS of money. If we end up with a girl and have to buy all new clothes, toys, etc, thats going to cost a damn fortune.

Seriously though, I think you'll get 10 different opinions on what life is like as a sibling. I personally have a brother 3.5 years younger than me and we've always gotten along and are very close to this day. I thoroughly enjoyed having a sibling. I know people who have had very challenging relationships with theirs. I think parents can help shape that relationship to some extent but it can also be kind of a crapshoot what kind of relationships and experiences siblings have with one another. So really I think rather than a pros/cons list of what having a sibling is like you and your wife should look at what you two would want to get out of having another kid.

I have a 6, soon to be 5, and 3 year old. All girls. There are good days and bad days, advantages and drawbacks. They fight like crazy all the time. But they love each other fiercely and will protect each other from anyone, even my wife and I sometimes. They teach each other and learn from each other. My oldest especially helps out a lot. They do cost, boy do they cost. Handing down the clothes did save a ton of money, but they wear out pretty quickly too. Craigslist and consignment sales are your friend. The relationship they have with each other is really special, irreplaceable. I didn't live with my sister until I was older so seeing this with them at such a young age is pretty cool.

We thought having a second kid would be twice as hard, twice as much work. But it really isn't. You know what to expect and are ready, and there are two of you. The early months are the hardest and they pass quickly.

Now three, that is a different story. Motherfuckers are about to drive me to an early grave.

One of the best parental moments I have had yet was when we were at the park and some kid pushed my two year old. Before I could do anything, the wonder twins jumped into action, with the oldest comforting her little sister and the middle immediately confronting the kid who pushed her, a 4 year old getting in a 7 year old kids face and cowing him down. It was hilarious, embarrassing for the other parent, and made me swell with pride. They really do have an amazing bond. Even if you can't tell from all the fighting over stupid shit sometimes.

joeboo_sl said:

I think I'd be more ok with it if I could guarantee the same gender as the 1st, so we could use hand-me-down everything. That would save TONS of money. If we end up with a girl and have to buy all new clothes, toys, etc, thats going to cost a damn fortune.

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IVF with PGD. You can guarantee many things that route.

Get to five. Then notice one's not at dinner.

I dunno what the tipping point is, but more than one kid doesn't multiply the crap by the number of kids. Include experience, include hand me downs, include all that crap. And then watch them play together. That's gold. Which is not to say everyone should have one, let alone more than one kid. Just that it's possible, and possibly awesome.

Dude, now that I have them in their own rooms my stress levels have decreased about 200%. Fucking mind-bottling that I didn't do this sooner.

So, uh, anyone have experience with multiples(twins/triplets)?

Kid slept well last night in our bed from 1 to 4, then 430 to 730. Best night sleep in a while

Yeah when you get that first good night sleep you are so appreciative of what it really means to your daily sanity. It gets easier as they settle into a routine. The whole birth process is a violent change for them. Or it seems like it.

Ritley_sl said:

So, uh, anyone have experience with multiples(twins/triplets)?

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I have twins, boy/girl. Thought we were done having kids, then one weekend...things happened. Lo and behold, ended up being 2.

I'm an only child. My wife is 1 of 8 kids. 100% the parents can shape that relationship. With the way my wife's family argues, and some refuse to talk to each other anymore, I think wtf was the point in 8 kids?

But then I see my 2 year (boy) old and 8 month old (girl) interact. I see him help her, and already trying to teach her things. Regardless of the cost, I wouldn't trade watching those moments for anything in the world. They are absolutely amazing.

I emailed my wife your post joeboo, and will see what she has to say about it. lol.

I have identical twin girls that are 14 years old. Their the oldest of my five. They are incredibly close (all my kids are, actually), and actually only just this week they moved into separate bedrooms. They have never before had space that was private and separate from each other, prior to now, they referred to being together as their private place. Not to an unhealthy degree, but they were just naturally close. This new room situation isn't a symptom of them growing apart, merely them becoming adults, and really developing individual personalities.

That is, I think, an important thing - when twins (or triplets, or whatever) express a desire to separate or be individuals, let them. Additionally, never treat them like one person, or always refer to them simply as "the twins." Make sure they feel like unique people. And set up some kind of pillow arrangement so your wife can breastfeed them both at once.

On a quasi related note, one of my twin girls has a dick head guy in her class that refers to boobs as "the twins" all the time, and now anytime someone refers to her and her sister as "the twins," she giggles and goes all hunch shouldered.

Ritley_sl said:

So, uh, anyone have experience with multiples(twins/triplets)?

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Our fraternal twin girls are 2.5 years, and they are pretty easy to deal with now. Are you having multiples?

My wife, being 1 of 8 kids, and also an identical twin had this to say about it:

Con- they share illness repeatedly, they egg each other on, one has a bad night usually means they both do, no sleep for a longer period of time, jealousy, even more hyper vigilant, going out alone is incredibly hard with two babies, no alone time, someone is always touching you, sexy time has to be scheduled, getting kids on same schedule is hard to keep up.

Most cons happen early but end when the kids become more self reliant.



Pros- they love each other from a very early age, they can be each other's best friends, hand me downs, you know what to expect, already have most equipment

Most of the pros from having multiple children don't come until the children are older and a little more self sufficient. We always had each other's backs, we always had a play mate, if we got scared in the middle of the night we went to a sibling instead of mom or dad, they help each other with little tasks (water, cleaning up, bed time). Always have someone to walk to school with and walk home with. Always have someone to get in trouble with.

I wouldn't trade it for the world.



Angela

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Alright guys I need some armchair lawyer advice/feedback.

My wife has been written out of work by her doctor for 10 weeks due to the c-section and preeclampsia/pregnancy induced hypertension that has not resolved yet after 4 weeks. My wife is a teacher and she is out of sick days now. She used the majority of her sick days to care for me during 2 surgeries and 8 months of chemotherapy in the past 3 years. She does have FMLA for all of that. Her school has a sick bank that you can request to get sick days from when you run out of your own. Well she put in a request with letters from her doctor stating she has been medically excused from work due to surgery (c-section). Well the committee came back and denied her. Said committee is of course made up of 5 older white guys. One of the 4 showed up at the end and didn't even get any of the information and he voted No just because every else did. They saw maternity and just said no immediately because they don't want to set bad precedence of people using the sick bank for maternity leave for child bonding (their words). Even though this isn't about bonding time. If she had abdominal hernia surgery she'd have these days without any questions asked but because there's a baby involved they shot it down point blank.

Now we've put in an appeal with more documentation including a letter from my doctor about all of my time off and how it effected her as my primary caregiver. If they deny us again we're basically fucked hardcore. She will be without pay from now until August. There's literally no way we can manage that. So we've had a couple people suggest getting a lawyer involved on the grounds of discrimination or just plain negligence. I mean I don't have a damn clue. Does this sound like something we'd even have a shot in hell at? All we want is the sick days. We're not looking for anything extra. Really at a loss for what our options are if anyone has any suggestions I'd gladly take them. Thanks guys.

I think this needs to be presented to this committee again, and they need to read it more carefully. Pretty sure if a doctor has said you may not work for medical reasons they can't can you for that.

Sorry I could have included a bit more details. A bit flustered by it all right now. The issue isn't about losing her job. There's no concern about that at all. It's about borrowing the paid sick days from the sick bank that she needs to recover from the surgery so that we can you know pay bills and shit.
Here's the process. Teachers can opt in to donate sick days to the sick bank that anyone in the school can request to borrow. She has donated 4 sick days in the past few years that she's worked at her school. To request sick days from the bank you submit the relevant medical information to the sick bank committee and then they review your case. If they say yes you get 15 sick days. When you've used those 15 days you can apply for another 15 if need be. The same process would take place for any further sick day requests. She has been denied the request for the first batch of 15 paid sick days.

I would talk to her union rep first. Legally if they aren't denying her FMLA they are clear on that front but sounds like the sick bank is something in their CBA.

I don't think you have much of a legal case unfortunately. I'd try and work with them, let them know its not for pregnancy but for medical complications and try and hit up any disability policy you have.