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Does she have short term disability? Most places will give that for pregnancy

Yeah I figured we didn't have much of a case but figured I'd get some opinions. Shitty situation is shitty. Yes she had disability through work and received the check last week but it was a fraction of what she would normally make. Basically just 2 weeks worth of pay.

Jilariz_sl said:

Our fraternal twin girls are 2.5 years, and they are pretty easy to deal with now. Are you having multiples?

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The last ultrasound showed 3, but it is still pretty early (8 weeks). Have spent the last week trying to find out what info I can, but not much specifically for anything past twins

Ritley_sl said:

The last ultrasound showed 3, but it is still pretty early (8 weeks). Have spent the last week trying to find out what info I can, but not much specifically for anything past twins

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I think the general thing is that the problems that go along with having more than a singleton are more and more exacerbated with every additional baby. You'll probably need to see an MFM in addition to the regular OB, and be prepared for an early delivery and time in the NICU. Get all the baby stuff done early because that will be a pain in the ass to do after they are born. If you have family that can help once they come home, great. If not, that is going to be some hard work.

As for financial cost, I hope you have good insurance. Our twins were born 2 months premature and spent 6 weeks in the NICU. That totaled to about $500k just for them. My wife's bill was ~70k. We had awesome health insurance and basically didn't have to pay anything but had to fight with the hospital and insurance company for quite some time. I think it was just a couple months ago that the last remaining bill was finally dealt with. There's also institutional Medicaid that will cover your kids if they are born and stay in the hospital for at least 30 days.

Biggest monthly costs are going to be formula and diapers. When they were drinking a lot of preemie formula we were spending over $600/month on that, but in the beginning it was a fraction of that. Diapers were $100-$200/month. If you need childcare, and have an extra room, an Au Pair is cost effective, especially with triplets.

Good luck, let us know what happens.

I'm not a lawyer, but it doesn't sound like you have a lot to work with. They're not denying her the leave, they're not broadcasting a massive shaft incoming when she returns to work, they're not denying her her own sick days, they are denying her use of the shared time-bank program for a pregnancy related condition. It doesn't sound like they're denying her anything that she'sdueor discriminating against her. It just sounds like they made a financial decision, and it's kinda hardass.

But it is worth calling her union rep. If her union isn't willing to fight for it...

Jilariz_sl said:

I think the general thing is that the problems that go along with having more than a singleton are more and more exacerbated with every additional baby. You'll probably need to see an MFM in addition to the regular OB, and be prepared for an early delivery and time in the NICU. Get all the baby stuff done early because that will be a pain in the ass to do after they are born. If you have family that can help once they come home, great. If not, that is going to be some hard work.

As for financial cost, I hope you have good insurance. Our twins were born 2 months premature and spent 6 weeks in the NICU. That totaled to about $500k just for them. My wife's bill was ~70k. We had awesome health insurance and basically didn't have to pay anything but had to fight with the hospital and insurance company for quite some time. I think it was just a couple months ago that the last remaining bill was finally dealt with. There's also institutional Medicaid that will cover your kids if they are born and stay in the hospital for at least 30 days.

Biggest monthly costs are going to be formula and diapers. When they were drinking a lot of preemie formula we were spending over $600/month on that, but in the beginning it was a fraction of that. Diapers were $100-$200/month. If you need childcare, and have an extra room, an Au Pair is cost effective, especially with triplets.

Good luck, let us know what happens.

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That pretty much matches what I've been able to find around the inter webs. We have pretty good insurance, pretty much everything is covered and our max out of pocket is 3k which is no big deal. I'm pretty convinced that we will spend at least a month in NICU which is ok if we don't run into any complications. My mother/father in law are retired and we have a bit of my wife's family that live in town (though they have their own kids) so we should have some help.

I'm so glad this happened first before we had any other kids. 3 infants with 2 or more young children would be impossible

Just got word they denied our appeal and the reason they gave us is making me seeth with fucking anger. They're saying that because she has FMLA she is disqualified from using the sink bank. For those that don't know what FMLA is it stands for Family Medical Leave Act. Basically FMLA guarantees you will keep your job if you need to take extended sick leave/days for medical reasons. She has it for me so that she can take me to my appointments and treatment. They basically have no fucking clue what they're talking about. Anyone that goes to the sick bank for sick days will be on FMLA. In fact *anyone* that is out for 3 days or more for medical reasons is automatically put on FMLA according to the superintendent of the school. So basically anyone that goes to the sick bank is not qualified to use the sick bank according to these retarded fucks. FMLA has NOTHING to do with requesting days from the sick bank at all. We have a couple teachers, the principal, and superintendent in our corner. I'm confident something will change but jesusfuckingchrist this is utterly and absolutely infuriating. Why are these ignorant asses even on the committee if they don't even understand WTF they're talking about!? Code Green level angry right now. I'd love to fucking Hulk/Loki ragdoll these fucks right now.

This is even better now. Apparently the Union Rep spoke to one of the teachers on the committee and asked why the appeal was denied. Said teacher could not give a reason why they denied it. He didn't know why they denied it. These incompetent fucks.

It sounds like this whole ordeal is going to be the end of the whole "sick bank" program. It was a nice idea, in theory, but there's almost no way to put it to use in a fair manner. Who is to say who deserves to use it, and who doesnt? You basically just can't have policies like this that are up to the the discretion of decision makers as to who gets to use it and who doesn't. In this day and age that gets you sued for every reason under the sun. Sexism, racism, etc. Anyone that gets denied could sue because someone else didn't get denied.

This is going to end up where everyone just gets their alotted sick days and that's it, no room for interpretation, no room for bias & judgment.

I'm not blaming you and your wife, but you're the prime example of why this doesn't work. You have no god-given right to these sicks days, it's a completely arbitrary system that is in no way given to you as a guaranteed benefit that you can use at will, yet you're throwing a huge fit over not being able to use a "benefit" that contains no promises that anyone in particular can actually use it. It's an extra "perk" that isn't part of your default benefits, it doesn't sound like anyone has any specific right to the days, whatsoever. They could disband the program tomorrow, and they don't owe anyone anything, everything was done on a voluntary basis. You better believe I'm not donating any of my given benefits to any co-worker just for the sake of being "nice". My benefits are part of my compensation for working. I'm not going to donate part of my salary to a co-worker, just like I'm not giving up a single sick day in the hopes I *might* get something in return someday.

It was a horrible idea from the start, honestly.

Tred_sl said:

Just got word they denied our appeal and the reason they gave us is making me seeth with fucking anger. They're saying that because she has FMLA she is disqualified from using the sink bank.

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Like I said earlier, this is a CBA issue so you are going to need to get the union involved. Hopefully they are willing to go to bat for her but in my experience you should probably count on getting nothing. Union might not be willing to make waves over this single issue.

The superintendent is able at his discretion to give out 2 sick days and he gave her 2 sick days today. Obviously it isn't much but that's 2 paid days she didn't have before. She also just spoke with another teacher friend from school and she will advocate for us to the committee, as well as the Union Rep who will be speaking with them too, and the superintendent is pissed about the situation also. Whether it's a policy change or abolishment of the sick bank something is going to happen out of this. Sucks to be the sacrificial lamb.

I don't see how your wife being on FMLA has anything to do with denying her sick bank days, but we don't really know how the policy was written. My wife has been dealing with a lot of shit at the post office for it. My job was so easy, they didn't even want proof the baby was born.

Your disability policy should pay a percentage of her gross salary after the elimination period. If you pay for it with post tax dollars there is no tax on the money given. If its paid with pre tax dollars then you will owe tax at the end of the year on that money.

Usually its around 50% or 60% of the gross. They are usually paid with post tax dollars so you likely won't owe tax on the money so that helps a bit on getting it closer to take home. Its also paid weekly in my experience. You won't get the same amount as take home but the calculation should make sense based on the policy amounts you purchased.

Noodlemod_sl said:

I don't see how your wife being on FMLA has anything to do with denying her sick bank days, but we don't really know how the policy was written. My wife has been dealing with a lot of shit at the post office for it. My job was so easy, they didn't even want proof the baby was born.

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It has absolutely nothing to do with it. The way they are voting disqualifies every single employee that would ask for sick days from the sick bank because if they're out of sick days they've been out 3 days and have been put on FMLA automatically.
We also just found out that they the appeal voting they did only 4 out of 5 members were present. The sick bank contract clearly states *all* committee members need to be present for any voting that takes place. It's like they just don't give a shit about even their own rules.

I don't believe they can automatically put you on FMLA after 3 absences.

Tred_sl said:

It has absolutely nothing to do with it. The way they are voting disqualifies every single employee that would ask for sick days from the sick bank because if they're out of sick days they've been out 3 days and have been put on FMLA automatically.
We also just found out that they the appeal voting they did only 4 out of 5 members were present. The sick bank contract clearly states *all* committee members need to be present for any voting that takes place. It's like they just don't give a shit about even their own rules.

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I think this is the 3rd time I've said it, but you can vent here all you want but none of us can really help you w/o a copy of your wife's CBA, and even if we had it her union is still who you ultimately need to talk to.

If you are just venting, I understand, carry on.

Yeah it really is mostly that. Thanks for putting up with it. I think I've got most of it out of my system now. Took our little guy for a walk and settled things down a bit.

Yeah we've been loving the weather in MA the last few days. The kid is a literal pain in my fucking dick, but he's pleasant on our walks.

I've been working on talking my wife into supplementing, she's coming around a little. He is still screaming all goddamn night, even though apparently he is gaining a lot of weight.

Do you have a yoga ball at all? When Nolan is screaming bloody fucking murder I sit on that thing and bounce up and down. Within 3 bounces he stops screaming and is manageable after that.

Parenting gets so much easier in good weather when your kids are a little older, especially if you have an outdoor area to which you can send them. I'm so thankful that I built that tree house last fall, ALL of the kids are spending time out there. My oldest two did their homework out there during pouring rain today. They loved it.

lurkingdirk_sl said:

Parenting gets so much easier in good weather when your kids are a little older, especially if you have an outdoor area to which you can send them. I'm so thankful that I built that tree house last fall, ALL of the kids are spending time out there. My oldest two did their homework out there during pouring rain today. They loved it.

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No leaks in pouring rain? We got a damn carpenter on our hands here! Nice work!

And Noodlebro, my suggestion for convincing the wife is just start slow. Ask her to try it for a 24 hour period. See how he reacts? One thing I had to get over, is that a baby will never willingly over eat. They will push the bottle away. You may think, they are a baby, how can they push a bottle away, but they will! They'll move their head all around, or just sit there with the bottle in the mouth not doing anything. They know when to stop, even as a baby.