Parent Thread

If your wife isn't willing to compromise with you at all, you have bigger problems than this.

Seems like at least a couple of us have some whacked out wives that we still love. At least she's not like J49's wife. lol

Tred_sl said:

I gotta wonder guys and I really being an asshole (that she says I'm being) by expressing concern to my wife that when she starts work (teacher) again next week that I'll be taking care of our son all day and then all night? And I can already see her saying she's too tired when she gets home from work. At night she says she can never get back to sleep or she can't get him back to sleep. So I have to take all his feedings at night or she's a raging bitch because of no sleep but then I never get a good nights sleep ever either. It's fucking exhausting.

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I don't think you are being an asshole. Even if you are a "stay at home parent" you need some rest to be a good parent. I can attest that spending all day with a baby/toddler is actually pretty exhausting. I do know that when I work my typical 9-5 when I get home the first thing I want to do is hang out with my daughter even though I'm usually pretty tired. I generally provide my wife kid relief the rest of the evening when my wife has had her all day. Hopefully even if your wife is tired she'll want nothing more than to spend time with the kid when she gets home. I will also add that my wife has also always had more difficulty getting our kid down to sleep but we think it is related to breastfeeding. Kid sees my wife and immediately wants the boob, regardless of if she actually needs to get fed or not. I can get in-and-out in a couple of minutes if just a diaper change is needed, my wife can't leave the room without offering up a boob, well not without an epic meltdown anyways. Thankfully for us our kid has always been a great sleeper and middle-of-the-night awakenings were a pretty rare thing.

On the bright side, you said your kid is 5 m.o. now? You shouldn't be too far off from him (hopefully) starting to sleep through the night and also being able to entertain himself allowing you some hands-free time.

Had the first meeting with my kid's psychologist yesterday. She told me all of the behavior I described could be nothing, could be ADHD, or it could be a sensory processing disorder which is different. She also said that they don't rely on anecdotal evidence alone, that there are actual objective tests they can do and rank her against other 5 year olds. That was reassuring, I was worried it was some snake magic shit. So in 3-4 weeks we actually schedule the appointment.

Thanks guys I appreciate the feedback. Including yours Tarrant.
Yeah he's at 5 months and I'm hoping it isn't too much longer before he sleeps a full night. He had started sleeping till 3am which was an improvement but the past few nights he's barely made midnight. Same bed time and routine. We'll see how he does tonight after a busy day with company.

I find those busy days to actually be worse for sleeping. You'd think they'd be worn down but... well every baby is different but mine does worse with sleeping if overtired. Routines are big around here, helps a lot that is for sure.

We had company but he still got in his two naps so that shouldn't be a problem. Famous last words of course.

chaos_sl said:

Had the first meeting with my kid's psychologist yesterday. She told me all of the behavior I described could be nothing, could be ADHD, or it could be a sensory processing disorder which is different. She also said that they don't rely on anecdotal evidence alone, that there are actual objective tests they can do and rank her against other 5 year olds. That was reassuring, I was worried it was some snake magic shit. So in 3-4 weeks we actually schedule the appointment.

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I know that's a scary ass thing to hear, but it could be a godsend. I did have friends who have a daughter with a sensory processing disorder who couldn't make friends and was having an impossible time learning at school, to the point of being retained for fourth grade. They figured out what was going on, and got the therapy she needed. Immediate results. Not perfect fix, but immediate progress that has grown to really long term success.

Yeah she gave me a book to read, she REALLY thinks it could be the sensory thing. Also, kids who have ADHD often have the sensory thing as a secondary thing, so there's that.

She's got kicked out of school again on Monday. Today was kindergarten orientation, I just hope they are able to deal with her.

My ADHD son has some sensory things, and it wasn't until he was medicated that he really flourished in a classroom situation. When off his meds he is easily overwhelmed in a very stimulus rich environment like a classroom. Then he kind of shuts down or acts out. He also hates going to movies because it is so loud and the screen is so huge. This is not to say that he's anti-social or that he doesn't like a good, fun party or something of the sort. But when medicated it is easy for him to do such things.

Classrooms are tough. They're different every year, every teacher has his/her own style, and you have different classmates. Coping with all of that at once is difficult for anyone, and if you start with a disadvantage of sorts, like sensory and/or ADHD it has to be overwhelming. it's easy to become angry or impatient with their behaviour in these situations, but I encourage you to reach as deeply as you can into your patience. They're not trying to be jerks.

Tred_sl said:

She does have anxiety issues yes. She is seeing someone for them but I'm not entirely sure how helpful that counselor is being to be honest.
So I should be a zombie during the day while trying to care for a 5m old? That doesn't sound like a good plan to me.

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Time to man up and stop whining about it. First 1 to 2 years is tough on everyone. My wife went back to teaching when our daughter was 11m.

She's got a tough job as you already know. It's your job to keep the house down. You just have to suck it up.

It's therapeutic to complain about it here though, so I suggest doing it.

Jesus christ bros, what a fucking week. First week of school. My oldest starts first grade. Of course she loves it and is amazing at it. She's so weird, weird as in I can't believe she came from me. She's beautiful, outgoing, loves people, loves school. I feel bad ever getting on to her or whatever, because she is so generally well behaved and awesome.

My middle child... fuck bros, I don't know what to do anymore, I just don't. Her behavior at her preschool continues. Or continued, I should say. She was kicked out today. She's been doing before and after care at the preschool and we met with the administrator yesterday because on Monday the teacher was restraining her and ended up giving her nursemaid's elbow. I was pissed, and rightly so, because she was in horrible pain and the administrator didn't believe her. We talked, I told her we are doing everything we can, she's just waiting to see a psychologist, I have no idea where this extreme behavior comes from... keep in mind my wife works at this place, I am talking to my wife's boss. We told them that her kindergarten teacher is aware and is working with us. She has only had a couple of issues in kindergarten, and both were in P.E., which is a combined class with a ton of kids and in a loud area, idk if that has anything to do with it, I don't know anything. Anyway, today she ran away from the bus driver as the preschool people were taking her to school. How she got out of the bus or away from them I don't know, doesn't matter, she's kicked out.

Then my wife calls me, says the school has been trying to get ahold of me. Apparently she had another incident in P.E. and they couldn't get her calmed down, she was freaking out in the principal's office, disrobing, throwing her shoes, shit herself, and they want a conference. I feel like screaming or crying or fucking something I am so god damn frustrated and I have no idea what to do, and neither does anyone else. That preschool admin bitch, for all her talk about "we need to encourage her to make good choices" doesn't know what the fuck is going on or how to get through to her.

I'm just lucky she didn't get kicked out of kindergarten, yet. If she does, my wife will have to quit working because even if we could find a preschool that would take her after being kicked out of two schools in a week, we couldn't afford it, the only reason we could afford her other preschool is because my wife worked there. So then she'll spiral into depression and fun times.

One good piece of news: the approval came in from the insurance. I called the psychologist and practically fucking begged her voicemail to give us an appointment.

Dude, you being so proactive with the psychologist will give you cred with the school. Their patience will grow, and it will be a good thing for your daughter, too. Get some analysis, possibly some drugs, and definitely a plan. You can do this. Think about how important it is for her. You can do this.

Well my complaints have been a non issue lol. He has been sleeping till 3 or 4am and then until 7-7:30 wake up so it's been much better. Fingers crossed this is the norm now.

Wife's starting working overnight several times a week, means Noodledad is in charge - let's hope I don't fuck the kid up too much

Oh boy. Better have nine eleven on speed dial!!! Good luck

Noodlemod_sl said:

Wife's starting working overnight several times a week, means Noodledad is in charge - let's hope I don't fuck the kid up too much

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Ha. The first time I left for work after having kids is the first time my wife was alone with an infant. She was scared to death she was going to fuck it up a lot. You won't. Find ways to make it special for you too. Indulge in awesome coffee while you do it. Or watch a favourite show. Or do whatever makes you happy because at this young age, you being happy and at peace is the largest part of it.

Be calm. Be noodle.

lurkingdirk_sl said:

Dude, you being so proactive with the psychologist will give you cred with the school. Their patience will grow, and it will be a good thing for your daughter, too. Get some analysis, possibly some drugs, and definitely a plan. You can do this. Think about how important it is for her. You can do this.

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Thanks, yeah it's not me I'm worried about. I mean, I'm frustrated and angry, but I'm more worried about her and my wife. I can deal.

Tomorrow going to meet wit the principal, I am fairly certain they are going to try and remove her from the school. I am just going to try and talk them out of it, but I mean, I understand, they have like a thousand kids to deal with.

So I briefly talked to the principal's secretary. We're meeting with the "intervention team" on Thursday. I have no idea if that is good or bad.