Parent Thread

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chaos

chaos

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Yeah I don't think anyone really tolerates it, but it happens and you deal with it.



I'm constantly worried about my daughter,of course, but i am starting to worry about her on this medication. Her behavior is so, so much better. Fucking miracle work. Before, you couldn't get through to her at all especially in the midst of some tantrum. Now you can, which makes all the difference. But it has other effects. Her appetite is severely reduced. We have to really stay on her just to get her to eat anything at most meals. And she's super affectionate all the time. Which, you know, not a big deal and she was moderately so before but now it's turned up to 11. She's seeing her doctor again tomorrow so we're going to bring it up and see what they say.

In school, she's doing well. Her teacher seems to be really happy with her progress.
 
meStevo

meStevo

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Yeah, my wife usually expects my son to apply logic to decisions mid-tantrum and usually feels like it just doesn't help things. Simple things like 'sit on the couch and you get xyz back' simply are not going to happen until he's done and often feel like they just push him further 'away', you can almost see it... he just hits a point where he's 'gone' and he has to work through it. Once he starts moaning for dad or mom or asking for something through the tears he's out of it and can be navigated towards the end of the dustup.

Son's diet is already a joke, he's basically a vegetarian, with peanut butter and hot dogs the only proteins he probably takes in.
 
chaos

chaos

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Yeah my daughter was exactly like that. She would throw her fit over whatever and fixate on whatever it was she wanted and you just couldn't get through to her, you couldn't eve get her to acknowledge you. Now it doesn't get to that point. Really in the past 2 weeks I could count on one hand the number of real blowups she has had, and that's crazy considering a month or so ago it was happening 2-3 times per day.
 
Dandai

Dandai

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Kedwyn_sl said:
We never tolerated temper tantrums. Never will.
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I typically avoid this thread because some of the stuff people do to their kids really upsets me when I think about what that would look like if someone treated my kid that way... but I'm feeling masochistic tonight.

Are you including babies and toddlers into your absolute intolerance of temper tantrums? What does "not tolerate" look like?
 
Cad

Cad

scientia potentia est
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Dandai_sl said:
I typically avoid this thread because some of the stuff people do to their kids really upsets me when I think about what that would look like if someone treated my kid that way... but I'm feeling masochistic tonight.

Are you including babies and toddlers into your absolute intolerance of temper tantrums? What does "not tolerate" look like?
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While some might suggest clotheslining the kid down a flight of stairs is appropriate...

All you need to do is make it clear to the kid that their tantrum will not get them what they want. Do not give them candy to placate a tantrum. Do not give in to what they want just because they cry. Give them what they need when they need it, and when they don't need it, do not give it. Don't change your mind because they cry or throw themselves on the ground. Your apathy goes a lot further than your rage or whatever. Encourage them when they act right, ignore them when they don't, and they'll act the way that gets results. If crying gets them results with you, guess what they'll do?
 
Mist

Mist

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chaos_sl said:
Yeah I don't think anyone really tolerates it, but it happens and you deal with it.



I'm constantly worried about my daughter,of course, but i am starting to worry about her on this medication. Her behavior is so, so much better. Fucking miracle work. Before, you couldn't get through to her at all especially in the midst of some tantrum. Now you can, which makes all the difference. But it has other effects. Her appetite is severely reduced. We have to really stay on her just to get her to eat anything at most meals. And she's super affectionate all the time. Which, you know, not a big deal and she was moderately so before but now it's turned up to 11. She's seeing her doctor again tomorrow so we're going to bring it up and see what they say.

In school, she's doing well. Her teacher seems to be really happy with her progress.
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This does not sound good to me.
 
iannis

iannis

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Happy pills are making her huggy.

She's probably just not in a bad mood all the time anymore, nameen.

The appetite thing might be concerning, but that could go either way. She might have been emotion-driven eating, and less is a good thing. Or she may have had a healthy appetite and less is a bad thing. Or it may be that she doesn't require as much sugar. Tantrums do take a lot of energy to throw!
 
lurkingdirk

lurkingdirk

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chaos - my youngest has a similar issue with appetite. It's hard work to get him to eat anything. It's a problem. We're finding ways to deal with it. Every afternoon he eats half a gatorade protein bar. They're wicked high in calories and protein and other good things. As he has been doing that, he's continued to grow, gain weight, and do all the things he needs to. Find something like that your daughter will tolerate, and get her to eat it early enough that it won't impact her meal time eating.
 
Larnix

Larnix

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when our almost 3 year old son starts to have a tantrum or becomes whinny because he is not getting his way we walk him to his room and tell him he just needs to stay in there until he "feels better". sometimes he goes in and cries for awhile and plays with his toys before coming back out and announcing that he feels better. Other times he will stop his behavior after a few steps towards his room again announcing that he feels better. We don't treat it as a punishment or yell at him to go to his room, and always remind him that he can come out as soon as he feels better. It works great for us
 
D

Draegan_sl

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My daughter is 2.5 years old right now and has turned into crazy terrible two with crying, whining and throwing tantrums. Last night she was put to bed, mom laid down with her. 10 minutes later she's up calling for me etc. I go up twice to get her into bed, each time telling her it's time for sleep and she has to stay in bed. She can play with her stuffed animals or sing if she wanted, but she has to stay in bed.

It finally escalates to where she is screaming and kicking and thrashing. "I want mommy" "I want to watch tv" "I want...". I finally had to talk to her in a very very firm voice that her behavior was unacceptable, she was being a bad girl because she woke up her baby brother and that she needs to go to bed. I explained to her that she could be punished and explained what a punishment was (punishment is basically no videos/tv tomorrow). After all that she went to sleep and was fine.

My wife has a different style, which is ok. She reads a lot of articles/books on dealing with toddlers. Typically she rides out the tantrums and tries to distract her and most of the time it works. I usually have to get firm if it ever escalates.

My problem is that i tend to challenge her way too soon and not try any other methods and I need to get better at that. She's going through a phase where she does not listen and continues to do something after 2-3 warnings of "Please stop that" "Don't climb on the couch and jump" etc. We've started with these small 30 second timeouts where she has to stand in the corner nearby. She's been reacting to "Would you like a timeout?" if she starts getting a little excited with stuff.

Parenting is hard. There is not one good way to do things and requires constant min/maxing your approach depending on the time of day, length of nap, hunger level, time since last snack and the weather.
 
A

a_skeleton_03

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Draegan_sl said:
Parenting is hard. There is not one good way to do things and requires constant min/maxing your approach depending on the time of day, length of nap, hunger level, time since last snack and the weather.
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For sure it's hard. The thing we tried and also a friend did was turn the knob the other way around on the door and lock it from the outside and wait out the hostage crisis. Don't go in, don't talk to them through the door, and just weep softly outside their room while they go all exorcist in there. They will realize they aren't going to get their way if they do this and sleep better.

It's worrisome without a camera in the room because you think they might hurt themselves but everyone I know so far that has had to do that it worked for them. For us it was a little more complicated since we have twins but it worked, maybe my daughter beat him down eventually we don't know since we didn't have cameras.

The one thing about parenting that is pretty much universal is that the behaviors you allow (good or bad) are amplified every year that they are allowed to do them. What behaviors you can handle and let slide is different for every parent and child. There were some things we would not tolerate at all and other ones we let slide and even encouraged. Both my kids have a sarcastic mouth and will argue about anything. We let that slide even though my parents did not. We banter back and forth and have a good time with it, they know though when I say that they are close to the line to reel it back in. If other parents heard some of our conversations they might be appalled that I let my kids talk back to me like that but it's how we communicate.
 
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