Parent Thread

Store them in a sealed wine barrel. Maximum safeness.

And freshness.

This past weekend my daughter and I participated in the fall 5k run forGirls on the Run, which sounds creepy but really is a program designed to build up a young girl's confidence through a running program. I won't go into the details, you can hit the link to look up what it's all about, but I will say we struggle with our daughter's confidence levels all the time. This program was awesome for her. She finished in just over 48 minutes and lucky me she kept a pace I could also keep up with (all the girls have a running buddy to encourage them along). And over the past few weeks we've watched her confidence increase a lot. We fully intend to sign her up for the Spring program. Highly recommended program if your school does it.

moontayle_sl said:

This past weekend my daughter and I participated in the fall 5k run forGirls on the Run, which sounds creepy but really is a program designed to build up a young girl's confidence through a running program. I won't go into the details, you can hit the link to look up what it's all about, but I will say we struggle with our daughter's confidence levels all the time. This program was awesome for her. She finished in just over 48 minutes and lucky me she kept a pace I could also keep up with (all the girls have a running buddy to encourage them along). And over the past few weeks we've watched her confidence increase a lot. We fully intend to sign her up for the Spring program. Highly recommended program if your school does it.

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Good for you! My kids do a triathlon every year with me. It's designed for kids, and it's a riot to do, and then talk about later.

lurkingdirk_sl said:

chaos - my youngest has a similar issue with appetite. It's hard work to get him to eat anything. It's a problem. We're finding ways to deal with it. Every afternoon he eats half a gatorade protein bar. They're wicked high in calories and protein and other good things. As he has been doing that, he's continued to grow, gain weight, and do all the things he needs to. Find something like that your daughter will tolerate, and get her to eat it early enough that it won't impact her meal time eating.

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Yeah I remember you saying that before and it made me think of all the suggestions. Right now it isn't too big of a deal, we're just making sure she eats snacks through the day. And she was eating way, way too much before so it is hard to develop a baseline for what is ok for her to eat now. I think we may try smoothies for breakfast or something, as well.

The dr wasn't concerned, though. The dosage he has her on is considered the minimum effective dosage, and it has had great effect so far so he asked us what we thought and of course we thought just keep it as is for now. It is so great to be getting good reports from her teacher about her behavior and attitude at school.

We're going to talk to the psychologist and whether she's ready for group therapy soon, honestly I don't know how much that stuff will help but I want to at least give it a shot, anything that may help her.

I still want payment for not only accurately diagnosing your daughter, but getting the medication right too.

I don't know that there is an easy fits-all answer to that question. I know that I'm setting things up for my daughter so that she can 100% concentrate on education up through 4 years of college. If she isn't taking her education seriously or has other responsibility-issues the gravy train will be cut off.

I also think there is valuable real-world experience in having some sort of job during those teenage years. My thought was once my daughter hits 16 we could start passing driving-related expenses (gas, insurance, etc.) on to her. Would encourage her to get a job but wouldn't be such a financial burden on her that working gets in the way of education.

Best laid plans and all that of course...

My parents, as soon as I was of age, told me if I wanted anything I needed to get a job. They were poor, so it was as much of a lesson as it was just something I had to do. I got straight As in high school mostly and as you know I'm now an engineer. Same thing with my brother except he went into operations management. My sister didn't have to work, she's 24 and just started a career doing hairdressing.

Just an anecdote.

Cad_sl said:

So the Michael Brown thread brought up something in my head thats been twirling around for a while.

Whats the appropriate line where you make your kid start paying for things on their own, without needlessly complicating their education?

I don't want to turn them into entitled twats and yet I don't want them working at Taco Bell for minimum wage when they could be studying making better grades.

How do you skirt this line so that they don't resent you for cutting them off, don't turn into twats, and still have time to study/enjoy college/be normal?

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Your kids are most likely going to have to start off at some minimum wage job somewhere. Taco Bell isn't really any worse than say... Target. Unless you'll be able to land a job for them, which kind of defeats the purpose of sending them out to learn their own way.

Cad_sl said:

So the Michael Brown thread brought up something in my head thats been twirling around for a while.

Whats the appropriate line where you make your kid start paying for things on their own, without needlessly complicating their education?

I don't want to turn them into entitled twats and yet I don't want them working at Taco Bell for minimum wage when they could be studying making better grades.

How do you skirt this line so that they don't resent you for cutting them off, don't turn into twats, and still have time to study/enjoy college/be normal?

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You aren't going to turn your kids into entitled twats by funding their education. I've worked steadily since 15 and busted my ass off to pay my way through school and the only thing I got out of it was worse grades. Peers who didn't have to pay for their education have every bit as good a work ethic as I do.

There is no one incident that will turn your kids into entitled twats. It takes a lifetime of coddling and preferential treatment.

When I was 15/16 I got a job as a lifeguard. Just worked summers, made like 8 something an hour in the mid-90s. Not all jobs for teenagers are min/wage.

My kids have various things they do around the house, and they do collect an allowance. They all have bank accounts and monitor them online with me helping. They also have various things they do for pay - the oldest 3 are babysitting, they all help at a farm down the street and the farmer pays them. Things like picking produce, shoveling shit, and the like. If they want a larger ticket item - my youngest is convinced he "needs" an iPad mini - we look online to see how much they are, and they plan to save for it. As far as necessities like clothes, school uniforms, school supplies, and the like, we just get them for them.

We can afford to pay for college for our kids, and probably will, but they are going to contribute every damned cent they can. While I don't believe the thought that paying for your kids schooling makes them self-entitled wankers, I do think it is healthy they work hard to contribute what they are able. And they should want to do that.

One thing we have done, we have a fund for each of the kids that when they get their first "real job," they will get $8,000 to set up in whatever city they are in. Might be they need a car, or want to buy a house, or need furniture, or whatever. Just a little something something to make that adjustment in life a little easier.

You want them working, especially later on when they have a lot more freedom. How much study time do you think they need? Not that much. High school and under grad isn't law school, it's a joke. Kids that age still need structure and jobs provide that with a lot of real world experience. Something school fails at miserably.

That is really their first real world entry. They'll likely have a car, give them some bills, part of the insurance and made up car payment. Something to get them started. Collect the money from them and put it in a savings account they can't touch without both signatures and you have two lessons in one. Don't tell them about the savings account and then when they graduate or if they have a big expense there is some reserve money for them to use. Perhaps you can give it to them at graduation.

When they are in college they should keep those small token payments and make them pay their utilities. Something. Letting them coast in undergrad isn't really doing them any long term favors. They can work and learn some time management. 15 to 18 hours a week of school is nothing. Even if they have a couple of "hard" classes there is plenty of time for part time work and social life.

The easier you make it on them, like just letting them study instead of working, the more likely they'll end up entitled twats. There is a lot of education just in time management and not being able to sleep until noon and be out drinking all night or being able to go out most nights and not having to worry about work and bills because Dad is paying them. You don't' realize how lucky you are to have that until you have to pay the bills yourself. No bills, no real appreciation.

Don't coddle them because real life certainly wont. Help, don't coddle.

Cad_sl said:

So the Michael Brown thread brought up something in my head thats been twirling around for a while.

Whats the appropriate line where you make your kid start paying for things on their own, without needlessly complicating their education?

I don't want to turn them into entitled twats and yet I don't want them working at Taco Bell for minimum wage when they could be studying making better grades.

How do you skirt this line so that they don't resent you for cutting them off, don't turn into twats, and still have time to study/enjoy college/be normal?

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Your kids are going to, at some point, have to work a job where they have shitty conditions that they have to put up with, awful coworkers, stupid bosses, ridiculous conflict, etc etc. Dealing with that shit is a skill.

In high school, I fucked off a lot. I wish I had spent that time split between studying and working. If I had to pick now, I would have chosen working. More valuable lessons to learn.

I have like 10 years before I even have to think about this. I have no real answers.

pharmakos_sl said:

having worked at both target and taco bell, i can confidently say that working at target is far better.[/tangent]

[ontopic] my parents never made me pay for shit, even despite the fact that i did not take my education seriously. this did not work out well for me, and as a consequence i lacked the skills necessary to succeed as an adult. shame on me for being lazy, i'm past it now, but i really wish my parents had at least mandated some chores and i wish dad had made me help out with car repairs and whatnot.

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It all depends on your boss though doesn't it? I worked at a Target and it was terrible. Going on break, sitting for 5 minutes and having my manager come in and berate me that I had been gone for over a half an hour. Getting yelled at for anything and everything you can imagine. Being told I fucked up inventory and him switching his scanner gun with me because he had been scanning the wrong product for the last hour and a half. I quit that job after about 3 months because it was the worst, and I was 17 at the time. I don't even blame the guy because he was probably working like 90 hours a week trying to make ends meet and clearly got no sleep and was stressed out to the max.

High school jobs blow unless you get lucky, and sadly that's the kind of shit a majority of Americans deal with on a daily basis. Like chaos said above. It's just something your kids are gonna have to learn how to deal with. You can't protect them from reality.