chthonic-anemos
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
iannis
Musty Nester
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Fuck it, let them resent you.
I mean it seriously. It's a tough love kind of thing. Would you rather they don't resent you but aren't able to truly care for themselves, or that they do resent you and are capable adults? IF it comes down to that choice, let them resent you.
Start them working around 15/16. Let them get one of those entry level crap jobs. Bag boy, burger flipper, what have you. They probably won't like it. That's when the "this is why you go to college" speech becomes effective. They might like it... probably they'll just like having their own money an the independence of that. That is when the "You could make more money being educated -- it gets better if you're smart" speech becomes effective.
I mean it seriously. It's a tough love kind of thing. Would you rather they don't resent you but aren't able to truly care for themselves, or that they do resent you and are capable adults? IF it comes down to that choice, let them resent you.
Start them working around 15/16. Let them get one of those entry level crap jobs. Bag boy, burger flipper, what have you. They probably won't like it. That's when the "this is why you go to college" speech becomes effective. They might like it... probably they'll just like having their own money an the independence of that. That is when the "You could make more money being educated -- it gets better if you're smart" speech becomes effective.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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(Disclosure) I worked in high school, and I worked in college.
If I make them work in high school, they probably won't be in the top of their class. The high school we go to is very competitive and a well known fact in TX is that if you want to get into UT Austin, you have to be in the top 8-10% of your class for auto admission. Something like 90% of all admissions come via this method now, so it is very difficult to get into UT if you aren't in the top 10% of your class.
If they don't get into UT, then we're looking at Texas A&M, SMU, Rice, and the top 10-12 undergrads as targets, with UTD as a backup.
UT Austin is by far the best choice of these, for a lot of reasons. But to get in, need to be top 10%.
So my current thinking is, as long as they are making straight A's (my middle schooler so far has never made anything but an A, praise asians) I won't make them work and will let them concentrate on school. If they fuck off, then why bother, work for it.
But on the other hand, maybe the kid is fucking off because he's depressed, or not dealing well with X, and stacking work on top of it isn't helpful.
It's hard to know what the right thing to do is, and I know full well the amount of advantage a kid can get by going to the right school and knowing the right people.
This is not an easy question bros.
If I make them work in high school, they probably won't be in the top of their class. The high school we go to is very competitive and a well known fact in TX is that if you want to get into UT Austin, you have to be in the top 8-10% of your class for auto admission. Something like 90% of all admissions come via this method now, so it is very difficult to get into UT if you aren't in the top 10% of your class.
If they don't get into UT, then we're looking at Texas A&M, SMU, Rice, and the top 10-12 undergrads as targets, with UTD as a backup.
UT Austin is by far the best choice of these, for a lot of reasons. But to get in, need to be top 10%.
So my current thinking is, as long as they are making straight A's (my middle schooler so far has never made anything but an A, praise asians) I won't make them work and will let them concentrate on school. If they fuck off, then why bother, work for it.
But on the other hand, maybe the kid is fucking off because he's depressed, or not dealing well with X, and stacking work on top of it isn't helpful.
It's hard to know what the right thing to do is, and I know full well the amount of advantage a kid can get by going to the right school and knowing the right people.
This is not an easy question bros.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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Cad
scientia potentia est
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Only if they're going to a top 10-12 school. Wtf is the point of them going to shitty out of state schools when we have shitty in state schools?
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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What is a top 10-12 school? My school is not considered a top 10-12 school yet it consistently ranks in the top 15 for graduate earnings (Average after 10 years of employment from my university is over $110k)
Clarkson University | Overall Rankings | Best College | US News
It's considered one of the best engineering schools in the country by people in the field but still doesn't rank in stupid ranking polls. Don't overvalue that shit.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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Well I'd say it depends on what they want to do, I don't have any insight yet into what they'll want to be when they grow up... they're still relatively young. If I had my way I'd push them either into law, medicine, or finance/business executive jobs though. It'll depend on each kid and how motivated they seem. If they haven't shown real preferences by that time I'd probably try to send them to the schools with the best reputation generally rather than best in a narrow field, because 17-18 year olds have a way of changing their mind.
iannis
Musty Nester
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Hey man, if you can send your kids to Ivy League you send them to Ivy League. Except Yale. Fuck Yale. There may or not be an advantage to being in that circle, but there is an undeniable opportunity in it that only comes once in a lifetime and usually not in the vast majority of lifetimes.
But other than that there's just a wisdom in it. Why pay 5x as much so Cad, Jr can get the same shitty education that he could get at home. Unless you happen to have a good line on a resident Professor... who probably won't be teaching undergrads anyway if he truly is some hot shit.
Unless you can send him to Oxford or something. That's probably worth the cash. Even if he just studies basket weaving there.
But other than that there's just a wisdom in it. Why pay 5x as much so Cad, Jr can get the same shitty education that he could get at home. Unless you happen to have a good line on a resident Professor... who probably won't be teaching undergrads anyway if he truly is some hot shit.
Unless you can send him to Oxford or something. That's probably worth the cash. Even if he just studies basket weaving there.
Cad you don't know much about being rich. You need to send your kid to a 30k a year high school academy and then to the most expensive of the schools where your academy specializes in getting admission then they do abroad summers in Europe for undergrad and then intern at a fortune 2 company until they get their PhD.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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Thats kind of what I'm saying, why pay a lot for them to go to a shitty private school out of state when I have a shitty private school 1/2 a mile from home. (SMU).
If they can get into an amazing school thats worth it, then I'll pay for it. I'm not paying for them to go to Oberlin or Notre Dame or some shit. H/Y/S/P type of schools, yes I will pay.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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Joeboo
Molten Core Raider
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Yep, parents getting angry at teachers for a bad grade, rather than their own kid
Rewarding negative experiences over good ones (giving in to a kid's fit for something...not rewarding them when they do something good instead)
Parents acting like a spoiled, shitty child themselves(your child is going to emulate your behavior). Parents being rude to strangers or service people. A parent being immature and throwing a fit in front of their child(or even worse, directed at their child)
etc...
So many ways for parents to raise shitty kids, but it generally starts with the parents themselves being shitty human beings.
Rewarding negative experiences over good ones (giving in to a kid's fit for something...not rewarding them when they do something good instead)
Parents acting like a spoiled, shitty child themselves(your child is going to emulate your behavior). Parents being rude to strangers or service people. A parent being immature and throwing a fit in front of their child(or even worse, directed at their child)
etc...
So many ways for parents to raise shitty kids, but it generally starts with the parents themselves being shitty human beings.
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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Yeah, my daughter was struggling in school so I talked to her mother about it and she was blaming the school and teacher so I called the teacher and talked with her a bit and made an appointment to go up and talk to her (3h 45m drive one way for me)
Come to find out, she wasn't getting nay of her homework done. She was great in class but wasn't turning in any of her assignments. She had sent multiple letters home with no response and when she talked to my ex wife she said she would work on it and there was never any improvement.
So her teacher and I worked out a arrangement to get her caught up on all her missing work, and when my daughter gets home she has to show me a paper that her teacher sends home with her daily highlighting her work she has to do (if any) via FaceTime. I then sit with her and make she she gets it done while answering any questions she has. I found it's also a great way for us to talk and spend some time together...even if it is video chat.
She went from failing 4 subjects to B- to B+ in those same four subjects in a matter of a month. Her teacher texts me progress reports once a week (she does this with other students too, shes a great and very caring teacher), he mother still thinks its excessive and gets annoyed every time shes not working and is home during out FaceTime sessions. She fits right into that category of blaming the school rather than holding the kid responsible. It's beyond frustrating but at least even in situations like mine, you can do something about it if you are willing to put in the time and effort and (in my mind) be a good parent.
Come to find out, she wasn't getting nay of her homework done. She was great in class but wasn't turning in any of her assignments. She had sent multiple letters home with no response and when she talked to my ex wife she said she would work on it and there was never any improvement.
So her teacher and I worked out a arrangement to get her caught up on all her missing work, and when my daughter gets home she has to show me a paper that her teacher sends home with her daily highlighting her work she has to do (if any) via FaceTime. I then sit with her and make she she gets it done while answering any questions she has. I found it's also a great way for us to talk and spend some time together...even if it is video chat.
She went from failing 4 subjects to B- to B+ in those same four subjects in a matter of a month. Her teacher texts me progress reports once a week (she does this with other students too, shes a great and very caring teacher), he mother still thinks its excessive and gets annoyed every time shes not working and is home during out FaceTime sessions. She fits right into that category of blaming the school rather than holding the kid responsible. It's beyond frustrating but at least even in situations like mine, you can do something about it if you are willing to put in the time and effort and (in my mind) be a good parent.
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Dude, you're a good parent. Way to take the time to work with your kid rather than blame the teacher.
And I'm glad for your kid, too. Learn to do school right when you're young, and you are good to go for the rest of your educational career.
And I'm glad for your kid, too. Learn to do school right when you're young, and you are good to go for the rest of your educational career.
Joeboo
Molten Core Raider
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I'm sure it's at least some of the reason why you aren't together, but your kids mother/your ex sounds like a shitty parent(and probably shitty person)
Jesus, take some time out of your day to sit down and work with your kid. We're not talking 5 hours a night or anything here, but a little bit of time invested early in a kids school career will pay off huge later on.
You absolutely have to do that. You can't just tell your kid "it's important" and then expect them to follow through. They are kids. If left to their own devices they aren't going to choose homework over just fucking off in many cases.
Look, if something is important to you, then you have to show it by your actions. If you pay lip service to their homework you can't really be pissed at them for not taking it seriously when you yourself show them that it isn't serious enough for you to put some time into it.
Look, if something is important to you, then you have to show it by your actions. If you pay lip service to their homework you can't really be pissed at them for not taking it seriously when you yourself show them that it isn't serious enough for you to put some time into it.
moontayle
Golden Squire
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Fan-fucking-tastic dude. Internet brofist:
I do homework with my kids every night. I'm probably a bit hard on them on this because I pretty much never did homework (my parents didn't care until my grades started to suffer) and skated all the way through school in general. Still, every night. Most nights it takes about half an hour, maybe less. For the most part I don't jump in unless they specifically ask for help (they don't learn if you tell them the answer) but it still requires a fair amount of attention. Plus, you know, they tend to see how much you care and that makes as much of an impression as anything.