Parent Thread

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lurkingdirk

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Man, I have a couple friends who were not careful about what they said initially, and when their first kid was starting to talk he would repeat things they said. At one point the couple was arguing, trying not to in front of the kid, and they were apparently glaring at each other and the kid was looking from one to the other and finally blurted out "Well fuck!" Apparently that's how they had been interacting when they thought the kid was sleeping.

They instantly became much more careful with what they said...
 

Izo

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Why does it matter so much what kids say? It's not like they're negotiating a UN treaty the first couple of decades. They're bound to learn 'bad' words through life anyway. I think it's the attention we give it or try not to that they pick up on. What's your take on it, Dr.?
 

lurkingdirk

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I'm not saying it is so bad a thing, but I think it generally preferable children learn to communicate without cussing. There are simply instances when vulgar words have no place, thus making them so commonplace that little kids think them appropriate in every situation does not seem appropriate.

Why are you so interested in my opinion Izo? You seeking?
 

opiate82

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What's the general consensus here on letting kids cry it out?
There is none?

Starting at 6 months we did it with my daughter and it went great. Did the method where we'd let her go increasing lengths of time between visits from us (5min then 7min then 10 minuets for each subsequent visit) and as I remember it, it wasn't more than a week before she'd put herself to sleep before we hit 10 minutes and now she rarely cries for more than a minute or two when we put her down.

Those first couple nights had us going in there every 10 minutes for hours though, got a lot better in a hurry thankfully.
 

lurkingdirk

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I'm a big fan of letting them cry it out. Do it safely, and make sure you are actually outside the door listening to make sure normal breathing is happening and so forth, but letting them get to the point where it's just not worth crying any more so they stop on their own is fantastic. It's a really hard thing to do with twins, as they egg each other on.
 

Izo

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izo, didn't you get 'shawed for trolling in this thread once before?
No? What's your point? Crying it out is bs. Some research suggest it has the opposite effect in the long run, less independent children. Here's a little something:Dangers of "Crying It Out" | Psychology Today

It's understandable that this method seems appealing to the parents in a demanding and unforgiving job market with very little maternity leave (vs the Nordics f.inst.). I wish the market would adapt to the parenting situation instead of the other way around.
 

opiate82

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Pretty much everything you need to know about raising a baby/kid right here, especially in regards to CIO.

You shouldn?t sleep train at all, before a year, before 6 months, or before 4 months, but if you wait too late, your baby will never be able to sleep without you. College-aged children never need to be nursed, rocked, helped to sleep, so don?t worry about any bad habits. Nursing, rocking, singing, swaddling, etc. to sleep are all bad habits and should be stopped immediately. White noise will help them fall asleep. White noise, heartbeart sounds, etc., don?t work. Naps should only be taken in the bed, never in a swing, carseat, stroller, or when worn. Letting them sleep in the carseat or swing will damage their skulls. If your baby has trouble falling asleep in the bed, put them in a swing, carseat, stroller, or wear them.

Put the baby in a nursery, bed in your room, in your bed. Co-sleeping is the best way to get sleep, except that it can kill your baby, so never ever do it. If your baby doesn?t die, you will need to bedshare until college.
Use the same cues as night: cut lights, keep the house quiet and still. Differentiate naps from nightly sleep by leaving the lights on and making a regular amount of noise. Keep the room warm, but not too warm. Swaddle the baby tightly, but not too tightly. Put them on their back to sleep, but don?t let them be on their backs too long or they will be developmentally delayed. Give them a pacifier to reduce SIDS. Be careful about pacifiers because they can cause nursing problems and stop your baby from sleeping soundly. If your baby sleeps too soundly, they?ll die of SIDS.

Don?t let your baby sleep too long, except when they?ve been napping too much, then you should wake them. Never wake a sleeping baby. Any baby problem can be solved by putting them to bed earlier, even if they are waking up too early. If your baby wakes up too early, put them to bed later or cut out a nap. Don?t let them nap after 5 pm. Sleep begets sleep, so try to get your child to sleep as much as possible. Put the baby to bed awake but drowsy. Don?t wake the baby if it fell asleep while nursing.

You should start a routine and keep track of everything. Not just when they sleep and how long, but how long it has been between sleep, how many naps they?ve had per day, and what you were doing before they slept. Have a set time per day that you put them to bed. Don?t watch the clock. Put them on a schedule. Scheduling will make your life impossible because they will constantly be thrown off of it and you will become a prisoner in your home.

Using CIO will make them think they?ve been abandoned and will be eaten by a lion shortly. It also causes brain damage. Not getting enough sleep will cause behavior and mental problems, so be sure to put them to sleep by any means necessary, especially CIO, which is the most effective form. Extinction CIO is cruel beyond belief and the only thing that truly works because parents are a distraction. The Sleep Lady Shuffle and Ferber method are really CIO in disguise or Controlled Crying and so much better than Extinction. All three of these will prevent your child from ever bonding with you in a healthy way. Bedsharing and gentler forms of settling will cause your child to become too dependent on you.

Topping the baby off before bed will help prevent night wakings. When babies wake at night, it isn?t because they are hungry. If the baby wants to nurse to sleep, press on the baby?s chin to close its mouth. Don?t stop the baby from nursing when asleep because that doesn?t cause a bad habit. Be wary of night feeds. If you respond too quickly with food or comfort, your baby is manipulating you. Babies can?t manipulate. Babies older than six months can manipulate.

Sleep when the baby sleeps. Clean when the baby cleans. Don?t worry. Stress causes your baby stress and a stressed baby won?t sleep.
 

Izo

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I'm not saying it is so bad a thing, but I think it generally preferable children learn to communicate without cussing. There are simply instances when vulgar words have no place, thus making them so commonplace that little kids think them appropriate in every situation does not seem appropriate.

Why are you so interested in my opinion Izo? You seeking?
I think it's on the level of, say, sex ed. Withholding it, forbidding it, seems dumb. It's not going to be all encompassing regardless. Why make such a big deal about whether and when kids say cuss words. Is it for them or for us? I donno, we, Europe in general, do not make a fuss about cuss words in the same way Americans do. At all. The invisible man in the sky we've been over before. If he can sanction genecide, he can endure a kid saying a bad word growing up. Meh.

What's an inappropriate word and why?
 

pharmakos

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so who cares if kids swear, but who cares if parents care about kids swearing.

got it.
 

Noodleface

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I think it's on the level of, say, sex ed. Withholding it, forbidding it, seems dumb. It's not going to be all encompassing regardless. Why make such a big deal about whether and when kids say cuss words. Is it for them or for us? I donno, we, Europe in general, do not make a fuss about cuss words in the same way Americans do. At all. The invisible man in the sky we've been over before. If he can sanction genecide, he can endure a kid saying a bad word growing up. Meh.

What's an inappropriate word and why?
To me it's about manners. I don't want to hear anyone, grown up or kid, calling someone a cunt at the dinner table. Has nothing to do with religion to me.
 

chaos

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Why does it matter so much what kids say? It's not like they're negotiating a UN treaty the first couple of decades. They're bound to learn 'bad' words through life anyway. I think it's the attention we give it or try not to that they pick up on. What's your take on it, Dr.?
Your entire job is to teach your kids not to be a fuckup and to integrate them into society. Kids have a hard enough time without getting singled out at school for saying inappropriate words.
 

lurkingdirk

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To me it's about manners. I don't want to hear anyone, grown up or kid, calling someone a cunt at the dinner table. Has nothing to do with religion to me.
Your entire job is to teach your kids not to be a fuckup and to integrate them into society. Kids have a hard enough time without getting singled out at school for saying inappropriate words.
These are good responses. If a seven year old is asked "how are you?" and his/her response is "Why the fuck do you want to know?" There has been a failure by the parent. Proper speech at proper times. I don't care about particular words, and I don't doubt that kids are going to learn them. I am European, and I have an European sensibility about language and so forth. I don't get why you are teasing this out. Are you really merely trying to get into something with me? Cause that's what it seems like.

But, regardless of your intentions, I have answered. Perhaps there's a good conversation in there somewhere.
 

Noodleface

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Oh god this kid won't sleep anymore. This is the worst. Wailing everytime he is put down. Tempted to try crying it out but my dog is freaking out, super over protective.
 

Noodleface

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We have Tylenol, Ibuprofen, and other shit. I'm not in the business of drugging my kid just so he falls asleep, it's not teething pains.